I am a single HM, with a wonderful, but very strong willed 5yr old girl. We had our first AP in June for 10 weeks this year to see how it worked for us and to cover the 6 wk school holidays. I had previously had a month off work sick, but normally work full time.
The Au Pair was lovely, and she had fun with my daughter at times, but at other times my dear daughter (DD) was really nasty to her, telling the AP that she wasn’t part of her family, this wasn’t her home, and not doing as she was told. Our first AP found this very upsetting, and my daughter got well and truly told off each time (by me), but didn’t change.
Our next AP was a lot stronger with my daughter, and at first I thought DD had changed, but then found out she was treating this second au pair the same.
It seems that DD doesn’t want an au pair, she just wants me at home the whole time, and thinks quite logically if she gets rid of the AP she will have me more. I am sure that my period off work and at home before the first AP started. DD has now “won” as our 2nd AP left on Friday. DD was upsetting the au pair and was making it very clear she didn’t want the AP!.
I have now decided to get a male AP, in the hope that:
- DD will not then be so worried about them trying to take my place as her mum,
- they may be able to be stronger with DD,
- DD seems to respond better and be better behaved with me,
- and DD seems to think she would be happier with a male AP.
I am sure some of DD’s issues come from her relationship with her father, who is someone she adores but doesn’t see for months on end, and is regularly upset by him. We have been separated for over 2 ½ yrs.
My questions are:
- How can I get/help DD accept and enjoy an au pair so she isn’t horrible to them in order to get them to leave?
- How can I help our new male AP (who starts this week) to create a really positive and fun relationship with DD so she wants him to stay?
I am desperate and willing to do anything. If a male AP doesn’t work and DD doesn’t improve I don’t know what I would do, as I have to work, and need an AP due to my shift work, and the fact the father doesn’t help out with either childcare or financially.
I know that there is a wealth of knowledge and experience out there, I hope you can send some my way.
Image: girlie, don’t go away from rhoadeecha on Flickr