You come across as very judgmental of others’ expectations for their APs, yet I’m pretty sure you wrote elsewhere on the site that you yourself have some requirements or expectations for your AP that are a bit out of the ordinary — i.e. that your AP must attend church services with you every Sunday. You said you disclose this unusual requirement to prospective APs, and that is your prerogative to require this. But, why would a no-TV rule be any less compassionate or fair than compulsory church service attendance?

Many HP come to this site to bounce ideas off other HP to get a sense of what is reasonable. I believe that OCD mom was trying to make the point that in her opinion a no TV rule is reasonable, and used her family’s situation to illustrate how it worked. You don’t have that rule – fine. OCD mom also shared an opinion that a 9 hour work day without a TV break is reasonable to expect. You don’t agree – again, fine.

It is possible to disagree without telling other HP their expectations are some kind of cruel and uncompassionate treatment.

I have a no TV rule (my kids are allowed 30 min of video a day max, and not every day), and IMHO there is no problem with it. If I heard from my au pair that it is a “problem”, that would get me thinking… not about my rule, but about her.

There are days when my AP works 9 hours, but neither HD or I are home while that happens. We both work outside the home and need to trust that the AP is doing her job while we are away. When my kids were babies, the schedule was fairly rigorous, but they both took naps, so the AP could take the baby monitor down to the computer room, nap, or watch TV. As they grew older, we encouraged independent play, so that the AP wasn’t their playmate for 9 hours straight. Our APs often arranged playdates with their friends, and the kids played together while the APs chatted. This was fine with me, because I liked the socialization for my kids.

Now that my kids are school age, the AP rarely works 9-hour days, but when she does, I expect a little bit of planning on her part – some activities outside the home, some inside. The Camel is capable of playing by herself for long stretches, but needs to be fed, diapered, and constantly monitored while she is in her swimming pool. She needs to bear weight on her legs to prevent fractures later. My son, at 9, is incredibly independent, but needs assistance in booking playdates, monitoring TV time (limited to 1 hour on weekdays – even in summer and 2 hours at weekends – only exception is a fever).

I am not going to go home so my au pair can have a break. And I do not want her to treat TV as a plug-in drug. I do expect, that just as on weekends when I am with the kids, that there will be ebb and flow in her day so that she’s not “on” every minute.

The working conditions for APs are not all that different from home health care workers (nurses, aides, attendants), so the AP/factory worker is a false analogy. Comparing your AP to a home health aide is probably the closest analogy, except I hope that she has developed a more loving relationship with your children (having had The Camel cared for by home nurses – they did their job well but none ever loved her half as much as any of my APs).

“But the rest of you can treat your aupair how you like.”