Comments on: Matching with an Au Pair: When Racism interferes http://AuPairMom.com/matching-with-an-au-pair-when-racism-interferes/2009/10/02/celiaharquail/ Helping Host Parents and Au Pairs build great relationships. Thu, 09 Feb 2012 02:01:23 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Carlos http://AuPairMom.com/matching-with-an-au-pair-when-racism-interferes/2009/10/02/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-20032 Carlos Sun, 16 Oct 2011 08:39:12 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=2028#comment-20032 When CC au pair sold me the plan to become an au pair all of the images in the program where from white people... I think the au pair starts thinking she's gonna get a white family because of that... that's what you think you signed for when you start your papers and everything... There are a lot of different cultures in the United States... I think agencies need to be more specific about that so au pairs won't go mislead thinking that everyone in the United States is white. When CC au pair sold me the plan to become an au pair all of the images in the program where from white people…

I think the au pair starts thinking she’s gonna get a white family because of that… that’s what you think you signed for when you start your papers and everything…

There are a lot of different cultures in the United States… I think agencies need to be more specific about that so au pairs won’t go mislead thinking that everyone in the United States is white.

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]]> By: Tee http://AuPairMom.com/matching-with-an-au-pair-when-racism-interferes/2009/10/02/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-20031 Tee Sun, 16 Oct 2011 07:23:33 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=2028#comment-20031 This story just makes me feel terrible as I am soon going to be an Au pair. I would be scared to experience some racial related encounters as I don't distinguish people from each other because of their race I treat everyone as equal. I'm Black from South Africa a country that was under apartheid or racial segregation for more than 30years and only have a democracy of 17years. So I know that racism only leads to violence and terror and I would not like to be part of any racial battle. May my host family accept diversity and the idea of cultural exchange.... This story just makes me feel terrible as I am soon going to be an Au pair. I would be scared to experience some racial related encounters as I don’t distinguish people from each other because of their race I treat everyone as equal. I’m Black from South Africa a country that was under apartheid or racial segregation for more than 30years and only have a democracy of 17years. So I know that racism only leads to violence and terror and I would not like to be part of any racial battle. May my host family accept diversity and the idea of cultural exchange….

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]]> By: HRHM http://AuPairMom.com/matching-with-an-au-pair-when-racism-interferes/2009/10/02/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-19662 HRHM Mon, 12 Sep 2011 13:18:15 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=2028#comment-19662 I will say, that although I don't care one way or the other, I know many families (white) who would be uncomfortable having a black Au Pair, not because they are racist, but because they think white people with black "help" look empirialist. So it's actually a bit of fear that if they hire a black Au Pair (or house cleaner, or cook, etc) that they will LOOK racist to others. And unfortunately, there are way more white families that have APs than there are black families that use APs. I will say, that although I don’t care one way or the other, I know many families (white) who would be uncomfortable having a black Au Pair, not because they are racist, but because they think white people with black “help” look empirialist. So it’s actually a bit of fear that if they hire a black Au Pair (or house cleaner, or cook, etc) that they will LOOK racist to others. And unfortunately, there are way more white families that have APs than there are black families that use APs.

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]]> By: Gianna http://AuPairMom.com/matching-with-an-au-pair-when-racism-interferes/2009/10/02/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-19656 Gianna Sun, 11 Sep 2011 22:01:47 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=2028#comment-19656 I cannot say if your disappointing experience is due to racism but I am very sorry to hear this sorry. It must be painful. I have an idea. I do not know what agency you are with but you might be most successful with an agency that " assigns " an aupair to a family. The placement counselors are probably very sensitive to this issue and will take care not to waste your time with nasty people. They will direct your profile to open minded families. If you are with an agency that always families to pick from the whole data base, you can go register with other agencies in addition. This might give you the extra advantage that you need to overcome a very unfair situation. I cannot say if your disappointing experience is due to racism but I am very sorry to hear this sorry. It must be painful. I have an idea. I do not know what agency you are with but you might be most successful with an agency that ” assigns ” an aupair to a family. The placement counselors are probably very sensitive to this issue and will take care not to waste your time with nasty people. They will direct your profile to open minded families. If you are with an agency that always families to pick from the whole data base, you can go register with other agencies in addition. This might give you the extra advantage that you need to overcome a very unfair situation.

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]]> By: Return Aupair http://AuPairMom.com/matching-with-an-au-pair-when-racism-interferes/2009/10/02/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-19654 Return Aupair Sun, 11 Sep 2011 20:06:40 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=2028#comment-19654 This is a sad Story. But not every Aupair seems like that. During my Aupair Year (iam German) i had made firends from all over the world. My Aupair friends came from Sweden,Georgia (the Country) from Poland, from South Africa (black and whites wo never spend time together), from Thailand, from Brazil, from France and Colombia and i just loved the cultural exchange. The nicest thing was on Chistmans eve we had celebrate a german,polish and swedish christmas. I also had some frience from Mexico who i meet in my esl course. And i also had a american friend who was black. I never had a problem with that. I also went during my first month with some aupair friends to a big rap festival (not on on the streets, you had to pay even entry) who where also many blacks. It was fun, even i did not realy unterstand what they where talking about. I will go next year to be aupair and when the agancy asked me about preference, i said i do not have one. I will find the right family it doesent matter if they are black or white. Even if they have a different relgious i would not mind if the aupair is still free to be different. But i also will say, its better an aupair says to you right away, that you cant match. It would be hard for all if she would arrive and want to go in a rematch. About the driving skills of Aupairs. Its true in Germany we have to pay now about 1800$ to get a license and you get a lot of instructions from a profesional trainer and you need to past a hard test. But it doesent meen they are all good. I have friends who have had many accident in a couple of years (even its nothing happend). Iam having my drivers licens 6 years and i never had a speeding ticket, or had an accident in my life. I think its the same in every other country. There are good drivers and some who are not. This is a sad Story. But not every Aupair seems like that. During my Aupair Year (iam German) i had made firends from all over the world. My Aupair friends came from Sweden,Georgia (the Country) from Poland, from South Africa (black and whites wo never spend time together), from Thailand, from Brazil, from France and Colombia and i just loved the cultural exchange. The nicest thing was on Chistmans eve we had celebrate a german,polish and swedish christmas.
I also had some frience from Mexico who i meet in my esl course. And i also had a american friend who was black. I never had a problem with that. I also went during my first month with some aupair friends to a big rap festival (not on on the streets, you had to pay even entry) who where also many blacks. It was fun, even i did not realy unterstand what they where talking about.

I will go next year to be aupair and when the agancy asked me about preference, i said i do not have one. I will find the right family it doesent matter if they are black or white. Even if they have a different relgious i would not mind if the aupair is still free to be different.

But i also will say, its better an aupair says to you right away, that you cant match. It would be hard for all if she would arrive and want to go in a rematch.

About the driving skills of Aupairs. Its true in Germany we have to pay now about 1800$ to get a license and you get a lot of instructions from a profesional trainer and you need to past a hard test. But it doesent meen they are all good. I have friends who have had many accident in a couple of years (even its nothing happend). Iam having my drivers licens 6 years and i never had a speeding ticket, or had an accident in my life. I think its the same in every other country. There are good drivers and some who are not.

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]]> By: Au Pair from Germany http://AuPairMom.com/matching-with-an-au-pair-when-racism-interferes/2009/10/02/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-19653 Au Pair from Germany Sun, 11 Sep 2011 20:04:44 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=2028#comment-19653 For a few weeks now I'm waiting for a HF to contact me but still no answer!!! All of my friends(white friends) have found a HF or are already in america. That makes me wonder, if my chances a so bad just because I am black?? I have more childcare experiences than the other girls but somehow I still can't find a family. This really makes me very sad. It just upsets me that there're still so many racist out there!!! For a few weeks now I’m waiting for a HF to contact me but still no answer!!! All of my friends(white friends) have found a HF or are already in america. That makes me wonder, if my chances a so bad just because I am black??
I have more childcare experiences than the other girls but somehow I still can’t find a family.
This really makes me very sad. It just upsets me that there’re still so many racist out there!!!

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]]> By: Anna http://AuPairMom.com/matching-with-an-au-pair-when-racism-interferes/2009/10/02/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-19442 Anna Wed, 24 Aug 2011 20:27:12 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=2028#comment-19442 Nina, my husband is Brazilian (dark skinned; not black but very dark) Do not fear. Brazilians are very open minded, truly. We've had many Brazilian au pairs and I loved most of them. We are Orthodox Jews, and we had some au pairs say no to us because they wanted a more "typical" american family. Brazilian au pairs that we had and that I spoke to during matching process were less biased than most. Some who said no were because of our kosher diet, which is more understandable than bias. Brazil is a very ethnically mixed society. Most Brazilians have some black or native american or other nonwhite ancestry. Nina, my husband is Brazilian (dark skinned; not black but very dark)
Do not fear. Brazilians are very open minded, truly. We’ve had many Brazilian au pairs and I loved most of them. We are Orthodox Jews, and we had some au pairs say no to us because they wanted a more “typical” american family. Brazilian au pairs that we had and that I spoke to during matching process were less biased than most. Some who said no were because of our kosher diet, which is more understandable than bias.

Brazil is a very ethnically mixed society. Most Brazilians have some black or native american or other nonwhite ancestry.

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]]> By: Gianna http://AuPairMom.com/matching-with-an-au-pair-when-racism-interferes/2009/10/02/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-19440 Gianna Wed, 24 Aug 2011 19:57:00 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=2028#comment-19440 It sounds like you have really had nice experiences in the past so why not check out aupairs from the countries with which you have had such good luck in the past and add a few new candidates into the mix ? I am wondering what the stereotypes are about Brazilians that you refer to. They must be positive stereotypes or you wouldn't be exploring that area of the world. If you are just feeling adventurous, have you thought about Germany ? It is my experience that Germans speak excellent English and are terrific drivers. It has been my observation, too, that Germans are usually pretty open minded. But why are you switching off from France ? It seems like you have had good luck with a diverse group of French women . It sounds like you have really had nice experiences in the past so why not check out aupairs from the countries with which you have had such good luck in the past and add a few new candidates into the mix ? I am wondering what the stereotypes are about Brazilians that you refer to. They must be positive stereotypes or you wouldn’t be exploring that area of the world. If you are just feeling adventurous, have you thought about Germany ? It is my experience that Germans speak excellent English and are terrific drivers. It has been my observation, too, that Germans are usually pretty open minded. But why are you switching off from France ? It seems like you have had good luck with a diverse group of French women .

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]]> By: Nina http://AuPairMom.com/matching-with-an-au-pair-when-racism-interferes/2009/10/02/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-19434 Nina Wed, 24 Aug 2011 03:24:36 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=2028#comment-19434 I just ran across this site as we are about to choose our 8th au pair. We are still always concerned, as a family of African decent living in America, choosing an au pair who we think is expecting the 'typical' american family. We always send photos out on first contact so they know right away what our family looks like. We've had great experiences with girls who were white, african and bi-racial - all from France. We're venturing into the world of Brazilian aupairs (probably because of some stereotype we've heard about Brazilian aupairs) and I am once again terrified that non of the aupairs from Brazil will want to live with a black family. I know that racism is a HUGE deal in Brazil. That people with darker skin in Brazil are usually those that are poor and service people of lighter skin. I have not failed to notice that there are very few aupairs from Brazil who are black. I just ran across this site as we are about to choose our 8th au pair. We are still always concerned, as a family of African decent living in America, choosing an au pair who we think is expecting the ‘typical’ american family. We always send photos out on first contact so they know right away what our family looks like. We’ve had great experiences with girls who were white, african and bi-racial – all from France.

We’re venturing into the world of Brazilian aupairs (probably because of some stereotype we’ve heard about Brazilian aupairs) and I am once again terrified that non of the aupairs from Brazil will want to live with a black family. I know that racism is a HUGE deal in Brazil. That people with darker skin in Brazil are usually those that are poor and service people of lighter skin. I have not failed to notice that there are very few aupairs from Brazil who are black.

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]]> By: FGS http://AuPairMom.com/matching-with-an-au-pair-when-racism-interferes/2009/10/02/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-18487 FGS Fri, 27 May 2011 15:17:22 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=2028#comment-18487 Our {caucasian} family just completed a search where we had narrowed it down to two girls from South Africa: one black and one white. Both girls were head-to-head on everything that was important to us, and let me tell you we were in a quandary on what to do. It was a tough decision because both were SO excellent (and trust me, they are excellent). The black girl had actually created a video while the other one had not plus the black girl was 22 while the white girl was 19. Based on those two things, we selected the black girl. We felt the older girl would do better, and because she did the video, we felt this was a girl that was motivated to go the extra mile!!!! She was smart because we chose her (plus we loved her personality from the video). So, our decision did not play in race at all. She is expected to be here mid July, and we just can't wait. We are getting her room ready, and we are thrilled to have her. We are thankful to have this opportunity. Our {caucasian} family just completed a search where we had narrowed it down to two girls from South Africa: one black and one white. Both girls were head-to-head on everything that was important to us, and let me tell you we were in a quandary on what to do. It was a tough decision because both were SO excellent (and trust me, they are excellent). The black girl had actually created a video while the other one had not plus the black girl was 22 while the white girl was 19. Based on those two things, we selected the black girl. We felt the older girl would do better, and because she did the video, we felt this was a girl that was motivated to go the extra mile!!!! She was smart because we chose her (plus we loved her personality from the video). So, our decision did not play in race at all. She is expected to be here mid July, and we just can’t wait. We are getting her room ready, and we are thrilled to have her. We are thankful to have this opportunity.

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