Background: Anorexic teen daughter is in hospital. This is a relief, actually. We had some very bad weeks and now she is getting good care and nutrition. I have been beyond exhausted, anxious and miserable trying to re-feed her and seeing things just fall apart.
While she is inpatient I’m trying to rest up, come up with better strategies for when she is discharged, and spending time with DS.
Needing flexibility from our au pair:
The other night when DD got admitted to hospital the AP had to stay late with DS and miss some plans while we were getting DD settled. AP was understanding and flexible. We gave her the entire next day off plus all mornings since then (getting DS off to school on his own is easy enough for me to do and it’s on the way to the hospital). She works about 35-hr weeks mostly.
Since then I have asked her to do things like go buy DD’s favorite jeans in a bigger size, she sent me some photos from the clothing store, etc. (I also stuffed as much of myself as I could into DD’s wet, favorite teeny-tiny jeans after washing them to try and stretch them out a bit so she wouldn’t get triggered by noticing they are tighter when she gets discharged from hospital.)
We aren’t sure when DD will be discharged, but we’ll need AP more around then. It might be this weekend. It might be later. AP has indicated flexibility but how bad should I feel about not being able to tell her precisely when we’ll need some extra help? Basically with a kid in the hospital it’s sort of a day-by-day thing and we might just want her help when we need it. We can reward her later with more time off, etc., although once DD is home things will likely get harder again so that might be postponed.
We’ve told all this to AP, she seems understanding but is it wrong to say “We might need you some time this weekend but we can’t be sure if or when”?
It’s not an emergency like a heart attack, but it is dealing with a kid in hospital.