Have you ever thought about hiring a male au pair?
I haven’t considered it, since I have two girls and I’m looking for positive young women as role models…. but one of my girlfriends has a male au pair for their two sons, and she’s found that a male au pair has been just as easy to work with as young women, and even better at bonding and keeping up with the specific activities of her sons.
Have you ever thought of hiring a male au pair? Let’s take a few polls and see how our preferences shake out:
Loading ... Loading ... Loading ...
For Host Moms only:
Loading ... Loading ...For Host Dads only:
Any particular arguments for or against a male au pair, from a dad’s perspective? (please share in comments)
![Reblog this post [with Zemanta]](http://img.zemanta.com/reblog_e.png?x-id=9c7c8929-f2f7-49b2-9647-c8f5a6c7d244)
{ 33 comments… read them below or add one }
My boys are only 6 and 9 right now and I think my younger son still needs the nurturing nature that is more common in female Au Pairs. BUT, I would consider hiring a male AP when they get a bit older (say 8 and 11) to do more lively “boy-ish” things …
To my surprise my DH was not open to that idea. His comment is that it is “not natural” for 18-25 year old males to want to be in a care-giver role. He thinks they would be here for other reasons (partying or inappropriate desires). I was shocked by this because we are both quite liberal with regards to gender roles in society. I am very curious what any other Dad’s may think.
Here is what my husband thinks: he would never hire a male au pair because we have a daughter. He thinks it is inappropriate (he might have to bathe her etc.). We also have a son.
I would love to have a male au pair for my boys, ages 5 and 8, but my husband travels for work every week and I would feel strange with a young male and myself at home during the week together. I’m not sure why, but I just don’t think I would feel comfortable with the arrangement.
If my husband worked in our town and was home every night, I would definitely try a male au pair.
I had a male aupair once when my son was four and it was great .
He played soccer and baseball and it was just terrific. He was not good at household chores at all but I didn’t care. After that, I noticed fewer and fewer if any young men available. I don’t think it is so odd for a teen of either gender to want to do this. Men are teachers, after all.
hello, Filipino male au pair here!!
try to think the practicality of male au pair.I listed below the advantages of male au pair and please take a look:
1. they are not fussy about what they eat(though they may eat more)
2. they are not choosy about where they sleep.
3. they have an interest in being active and playing sports.(having lots of energy)
4. any man who has decided to be an au pair is more likely to be really committed to and interested in children, whereas many girls just fall into it as a way to go abroad.
5. they dont get emotional and weepy and generally a joy to have around!
Have a nice day!!
Wow, that sounds great! We could certainly do without an emotional, weepy AP here…. Oh, and one that would actually enjoy spending time with my children rather than barely being able to stay awake by the end of her day (even the 3 hour ones).
May I apply as an au pair in you home?
OB Mom – I think there probably are quite a lot of people (women and men) who think it’s not natural for a male to be a caregiver, and to want to be an au pair in the first place. I must admit that even though I call myself a feminist, I might ask more “why” questions at the interview stage, if I were considering a male au pair.
I am also wondering if some husbands (not all, just some) might find the thought that another man is at home taking care of his kids, while he himself is working to feed both the male au pair and the rest of the family, a little… I don’t know… provocative?
In our case, our youngest (a girl) is a sensitive little thing who really bonds with women but is much more cautious about men, so we have felt a girl is the obvious choice for us. But that does mean we’ve never really HAD to get past that and ask ourselves the more difficult questions.
Both my DH and I would love to have a male au pair, as a role model for our 1 year old boys, and also because, well, our boys take a lot of energy, and stereotypically, a male might be better suited for that. But there weren’t many males in the pool and we didn’t find one we liked.
I’ve had two male au-pairs over the years. Neither one stayed the entire year- first one had a “family situation” to take care of, second one went home on vacation and didn’t come back (found out he had fathered a child… and had to stay home). Neither situation leads me to want to get another male because the two we had ended up not hacking it.
This is such an interesting topic. There is so much stigma around male caregivers and so forth, and whilst this is disappointing, it is how it is.
Whilst I like to think of myself as fairly open, and I feel society has opened up a lot (generally accepting homosexuality/male nurses etc) it is likely that it would be seen as innappropriate for a male to be bathing/changing young children, especially females.
Saying this, I think that in some cases, for families that have older children, and are looking for more of a ‘companion’ than a nanny, eg driving to school and sports, helping with homework etc, rather than bathing, cleaning etc, I think a male au pair would be great.
As long as they weren’t expected to be a ‘maid’, I think it would work, as males tend to be up front communicators, and not have as many emotional issues as females.
I think there are certain males who would suit this, they would need to be str0ng and confident to face criticism, but also sensitive enough to care for children at their age.
I don’t have children (yet? I’m only 21!) so I don’t know how much my opinion will weigh in here, but I have a LOT of male cousins, and most of my friends are male and most of them are fantastic with children. Many better than I am, even. I think that a lot of this has to do with having less reservations in relation to just up and making a fool of themselves, or running around in the dirt (all key to bonding with children, I’ve found. This is how I bonded with my HF’s oh-so-shy 6yr old despite a HUGE language barrier.)
I think that a lot of the criticism and stigma against male au pairs tends to be sexist. Anyone who signs up for this job (should) know what they are getting into, and be prepared for it. Childcare is not gender-specific, and I’ve found that many of the HD’s here are actually better with their children then the HM’s.
I think there is a very good chance that when/if I get married and/or have children I will host APs, because I love how much cultural experience and personal bonding it gives the children I’ve met with APs. Because of the men I’ve known in my lifetime and how I’ve seen them interact with children I personally can’t imagine ruling male APs out based on gender alone, regardless that of my children.
(But I know not everyone has had my experiences, so I am sorry if at any point I sound judging of those who do rule out male APs, that is not my intention.)
Hmmm. This is interesting. While I would be okay with a male AP, provided he was the right AP for our family, I think that description of the “right AP for the family” is applicable to a female AP as well.
I voted other for my reasons why mostly because I think there would be several reasons. I see nothing wrong with my daughter (and the 2nd child on the way – no idea yet if B or G) having a male AP, another male role model to learn from, another point of view and way of doing and approaching things. My husband would probably not mind another guy in the house to bolster his side from time to time, either.
However, when we were receiving applications for our first AP a little more than a year ago, my husband was very specific that he did not want a male AP. He did not feel comfortable with having a male AP and a newborn daughter. Maybe we were both a bit jaded with our work influences, but the reality is my brother is the stay at home parent (he works, but his is the job first to go if the kids get sick, etc, and he does all the bus stop duties). If they transfer to where we live, he has already told us that he will be assuming all the childcare duties for our kids. He loves it. If he can do it, there is no reason another guy, much younger of course, can’t.
My oldest is a ten year old boy. He strongly wants a male au pair. Our former au pair dated a male au pair (he took care of two boys) and we all saw how great a male au pair can be. My husband and I have been going back and forth on the issue.
Our daughter is 6 and I worry about the appropriateness of having a male au pair care for her. Still, I hate to not consider someone strictly on gender. It would be rare that my daughter would ever be completely alone with the male au pair.
I have promised my son that we will consider a male au pair the next time we choose one (probably next spring).
I am an LCC and host mom (to 15 au pairs over the years). I would LOVE a male au pair, but my husband doesn’t want one (we have three girls and one boy), for reasons that aren’t clear to me. I have had many male au pairs in my group (Cultural Care is one of the few agencies that places male au pairs) and they have without exception been the BEST au pairs! Families love them! I think because they are much less complicated emotionally than females at this age. I do warn my host families that they won’t likely be the best at household chores, but I have never heard any complaints in this arena, so maybe that’s my own gender discrimination. At any rate, I strongly encourage families to consider this option…..! There are even infant qualified male au pairs.
My boys are school age. All of the good reasons for hosting a male AP apply to my family plus one that I don’t think has been mentioned. After many years of my husband enjoying blond European APs display their ample cleavage, belly-button rings, and back tatoos poolside at our house, it is high time I get a a turn for some eye candy. As long as this is an anonymous, I feel okay admitting that one of my requirements for a male AP would be “looks good with shirt off while cleaning the pool.” I’m serious. So there. (It’s okay to look!)
Haha I found this the most entertaining of all, but I was really wondering how a male gets into, or signs up for, this au pair thing?
, dogs (I love dogs) and pets.
I’d be interested in traveling around the world to enjoy new environments and cultures if it only required responsibilities like taking care of the house and children
There wouldn’t be much pool-cleaning in the winter though.
http://www.iapa.org/Docs/02_organisation/Member_Directory.php4
You can find agencies in different countries through this website, though unfortunately I can’t guarantee that none of them discriminate against gender.
Seriously I’m shocked that people nowadays have such attitudes. In CC at least male au pairs have to have better english, driving, and childcare experience to get notice in their home countries due to the fact male au pairs have hard time finding a family.
As for me I have had two male au pairs loved them. Had a girl in between the male au pairs and she was drama, not worth anything, and couldn’t stand our family. We were too loud and like to wrestle too much. We were too “hard” to work with as stated by her. I can tell you my male au pairs have never complian to us or about us to our LCC. Our first one would of extended but he wanted to live in “cali” that was his dream. Our second one extended his second year with us. We will get our third male au pair in Jan.
I have two boys 5 and 4 years old and a girl 3 years. BTW she was only 6 months old when our first male au pair arrived and did just great. You can get molested or abused by a female au pair just a well. Don’t you guys remember the scandal of CC where a sweden au pair was do porno with the 5 year old girl and sending the video to Sweden. That is when you check up on the au pair unexpectly at weird times come home lunch break early day off etc. Install camreas in your home Costco has a great deal for that and easy to install. They all had great attitudes and loved their jobs. My daughter has postive role models and and I know she will be able to stand up to herself with a male and she can boss our little male au pairs without problems. Yeah she is the princess of the house.
I implore a lot of people to give them a try they may need some assistance at first but they take their jobs seriously and know they can’t afford to go into a rematch because it’s hard for male au pairs to find a rematch. Good luck
I doubt that I am the only one who feels this way, although it hasn’t been stated out-right yet. I would be concerned about sexual abuse. Before you go ballistic on me, consider the statistics. Most cases of sexual abuse in both young girls and boys is perpetrated by a male who is a family member or close family friend who spends significant alone time with the child. This is not to say that I think that all male Au Pairs are pedophiles, but if I ended up with the one in a million who is, I could never forgive myself. And you don’t hear about females sexually abusing children (unless you count the couple of recent cases where teachers were in relationships with students.)
What about the female au pair with CC who was doing child porno with her au pair kid and sending it back to Sweden? I myself was abused by a female just not know or spoken of as much. Doesn’t matter I would be appalled at myself if it was a male of female that is why I am around teach my kids no one touches their bodies and if I was that insecure I would install nanny cams. I think emotional and physical abuse is more common and I can tell you my female one only was good at that and she was out of her in a hurry!!
I hired a ‘manny’ once for a year or so. At this time we had two girls, a baby and a kindergartener. We ended up sending him on his way not because he was male but because he said stupid things and had terrible self-esteem. I have a friend who had two male au pairs and loved it. She also has daughters. Her hub traveled a lot, which is why she wanted some male influence in the household, but I do think that it caused some tension. It definitely inspired lots of teasing and joking from friends and neighbors. Have to factor that into your decision — how will you explain it, and how will your kids feel about how you explain it to others. They listen to everything!
You know, Anonymous, I think A LOT of people think about sexual abuse – it’s just not quite PC to say it.
My guess would be that the sexual abuse aspect represents a major reason why there aren’t more male au pairs than there are. The “women are better caregivers” or “hubby would get jealous” arguments are just not enough to explain it, I feel.
While it’s not quite true that you never hear about females abusing children (you do, and sometimes there is an accomplice, such as a boyfriend) you are right about the statistics. And while people are usually very PC about what they SAY, they tend to not be quite so about what they DO.
Again, as a feminist, I think it is very tragic that this is the case as I believe our children desperately need more male role models, in school, at daycare, at home… But I can’t say I don’t understand people’s thinking, either.
Hi everyone,
It is a really interesting discussion you have here. I am 18 years old and I will go to the USA as an Au-Pair in August, 2010. First of all I believe people in the USA have a different view on men and child rising. I am from Sweden and it is nothing strange being an Au-Pair as a man. My reason why I want to be an Au_pair is that I want to make an impact on people’s lives. My biggest dream is that the children I will take care of will remember me and that I will be able to meet them a couple of years later to see how they have developed. To help a family with taking care of their children, and at the same time experience a new culture and meet new people, is a very good reason to be an Au-Pair. It is also, as mentioned earlier, a good alternative to military duty. I think I will learn more from being in a foreign country and taking care of children, then being in the army for one year.
If someone out there is interested in a male Au-Pair you can send me an e-mail. Or you can search me on Cultural Care Au Pair Sweden. My reference number is: SWE100422. I would love hearing from you.
With kindest regards
Dennis Rubing
If you want to increase your odds of getting a family in the timeframe you want, you may want to apply to multiple agencies at once. It doesn’t make the agency happy, but it does help increase your odds of choosing a family you like.
Dennis,
Just be patient apply early get lots of child care hours in and lots of driving experience in. Try to be infant qualifed and willing to take special needs kids. That will help I myself only take male au pairs. I don’t need the drama of female au pairs at all!!!
Hum…This is not the first person who mentions “female drama”… Isn’t it a huge stereotype also? Not all of us are like that, and SO WHAT if a girl gets emotional once in a while (not too often…I agree with that), but being away from home for a year or more isn’t always easy… I think people should be more understanding and tolerant with that.
As for the male au pair topic: There is a family in my city who decided to only have male au pairs because their first au pair got pregnant….
Thank you for the tip, but since I live in the north of Sweden I have to travel a long way to come to the interviews that are required to be an Au-Pair. I really hope I will get a good family and since it is a long time to August I believe my odds are fair. Still I think it is a shame that male Au-pairs are taboo, because why should a male Au-pair we worse than a female? My opinion is that it is all based on traditions. I bet many of the families would like to but they do not want to take a chance.
I would be glad if you gave me more helpful information
Thank you.
I am thinking of getting a male aupair myself. I have three daughters and I am a bit rough around the edges. I do not like the over sensitivity you experience from the females.
Hello Maam how are you? I am a filipino boy maam and I would like to apply as an au pair to your home.I am currently a teacher here in our small town but my contract has been end last march.I really like to go abroad and work.I dont have any Idea what will be the best way to work their aside of financial problem.if you have a time maam just send me a message.take care
I want to be an au pair….email me
Hello AP community,
I was wondering what the au-pairing scene is like in Japan. I’ve been thinking about au-pairing there while I’m attending school (starting this fall). If you have any first hand info about this, I’d like to know and likewise I’ll share my relevant details. BTW, I am a dude, hope no one is offended
I’m a male au pair.
i’m 25 and i’m from mexico.
I’m “taking care” of two boys 14 and 16.
well not really taking care of them. i just cook and drive for them.
What made me to be an au pair?
Because i need the experience living and learning a new culture, new lenguage, there are many other programs to study english but they are very expensive. My friend (she)told me about an agency that hires male au pairs. By the way,,, i got some experience with my little sister (new born-4) and I was a teacher in the church for the youth. and a camping leader. I have many skills that my actual host family really like. it’s difficult treating teens but it’s not impossible.
I like traveling and meeting lot of peoble. but i’m hones, serious, and hard worker. i’m going to extend another year, in other place. i hope so. and my life will be more succesfull when i come back to my country.
{ 1 trackback }