Comments on: Letters of Recommendation: For a so-so au pair? (Poll)

By: Former au pair 2

Former au pair 2 — Mon, 25 Jan 2010 14:27:47 +0000

Yes, I know about this rule. But if you think about it.. in the end of the program when the au pair decides to extend with another family, the agency mails a form of recommendation that current host family needs to complete, no matter if the relations are good or bad. At the same time, this family is going to match with another girl and agency DOES NOT ask the current au pair to fill in the feedback about the family.

By: Anna

Anna — Sun, 24 Jan 2010 04:10:57 +0000

Dear former au pair,

no, it is a very unfair little game. In both of the agencies I’ve been with, host families ARE NOT ALLOWED to contact the previous families of rematch au pairs. In case of rematch, they are not writing the recommendations either. We just can go on what the au pair herself tells us about why she rematched….. which is in most cases half the truth or not true at all. I’ve been burned on that, I believe that if I were allowed to talk to the previous host family, I would not have gotten a bad au pair into my home.

By: CV

CV — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 02:00:08 +0000

Hi FAP-
That’s a good question. Let me make that its own post for next week!
cv

By: Former au pair

Former au pair — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 01:47:11 +0000

I’ve just read all the commentaries and remembered the other topic discussed, about current and future au pairs contacting each other. The host mom was so mad that her au pairs “friended’ each other on Facebook, and how unfair it is for current au pair to share the information about the family.
So here is a little question: why host families happily write “not so good” recommendations, while nobody asks au pairs how good the family is?
Yes, we all know, that there are good and bad au pairs as well as families, but why host families are so against giving the current au pair the email of a new girl, especially when “relations were not too good”? It should be a fair game, isn’t it?

By: Mom23

Mom23 — Sat, 23 Jan 2010 00:59:54 +0000

I was in a situation where I spoke to a host family who wanted to talk to me about my au pair (who was in rematch). I thought she would do well in a family with younger children since the many of the problems were with my pre-teen.

After she left we learned lots of things about her that if I had known I would never have been so positive. Some of the stories are coming out of my kids three months later.

By: 'sota gal

'sota gal — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 22:21:55 +0000

Wow, I just wish our agency allowed HF’s to contact one another, or even to post any letters or forms with recommendations/feedback on their departing au pair. For our rematches their is a tiny little blurb in which you are supposed to try and decipher why an AP is going into rematch or extending.

By: NoVA Host Mom

NoVA Host Mom — Fri, 22 Jan 2010 01:59:47 +0000

I would actually maybe even spell it out a bit more, saying she would be a good match for a host family who wants less of a “family interaction”type of relationship and more of an employer-employee relationship. I’d close telling the reader they were welcome to call or email me at any time if they need more information.

By: franzi

franzi — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 21:55:44 +0000

i actually like the idea of saying “the AP would be a good match for a family that is looking for an independent/family oriented/very popular/whatever family”.
if the new family wouldn’t seem itself fit for that category they would get the hint. if they don’t mind autonomous then maybe that AP is a better match than the current family is for her.

By: franzi

franzi — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 21:50:50 +0000

during my rematch process i was not allowed to talk to the potential new AP and my family was not allowed to contact families i was in touch with. needless to say that didn’t work for neither of us. while i tried to stay honest, giving pros and cons, the host parents threw me under the bus big time. thankfully, the new family was able to keep things in perspective and didn’t feel appalled. my second hostfamily and i are a match made in heaven!

By: Should be working

Should be working — Thu, 21 Jan 2010 20:11:30 +0000

I’m in rematch (perhaps my previous posts were already clues this would happen) and my departing au pair wants a letter too. I will write the letter, say she was kind and competent with the children, did the housework, and is a good match for a family who wants a very autonomous au pair (read: never home). I am not sure whether to say that we had a personality mismatch, or to add that she seemed dull-witted and depressive, or not to say anything and leave it to the next family to contact me.

This au pair came out of a rematch (financial problems in family) with an excellent recommendation. Knowing her now I find this hard to believe, but it proves that different au pairs work for different families, and it also proves that a GOOD recommendation is not a guarantee that an au pair will succeed in your house.