Comments on: Leftover Thanksgiving Tips for your Au Pair Relationship http://AuPairMom.com/leftover-thanksgiving-tips-for-your-au-pair-relationship/2009/12/02/celiaharquail/ Helping Host Parents and Au Pairs build great relationships. Thu, 09 Feb 2012 08:40:11 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Calif Mom http://AuPairMom.com/leftover-thanksgiving-tips-for-your-au-pair-relationship/2009/12/02/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-4688 Calif Mom Mon, 07 Dec 2009 01:42:24 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/leftover-thanksgiving-tips-for-your-au-pair-relationship/2009/12/02/celiaharquail/#comment-4688 Exactly what I was thinking as I read Babsi's post. Sometimes Thanksgiving sucks for hosts, too! Especially if Grandma wanted to take over my kitchen, that would not be a happy day!!! :-) Our au pair and kids are cutting out paper snowflakes after school on plain white paper. They will be wonderful taped to our windows all winter, not just for Christmas. Exactly what I was thinking as I read Babsi’s post. Sometimes Thanksgiving sucks for hosts, too! Especially if Grandma wanted to take over my kitchen, that would not be a happy day!!! :-)

Our au pair and kids are cutting out paper snowflakes after school on plain white paper. They will be wonderful taped to our windows all winter, not just for Christmas.

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]]> By: CV http://AuPairMom.com/leftover-thanksgiving-tips-for-your-au-pair-relationship/2009/12/02/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-4671 CV Sat, 05 Dec 2009 15:51:25 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/leftover-thanksgiving-tips-for-your-au-pair-relationship/2009/12/02/celiaharquail/#comment-4671 Hi Babsi, Good for you that you tried to integrate yourself by helping out -- even though things still didn't turn out well, you can feel good that you personally made an effort. Your comment also reminds me to mention that holidays often don't live up to the hype. Sometimes a particular family's traditions are not much like how a holiday is portrayed in movies, and that can be disappointing. But worse, I think, is when families themselves would like something different but for whatever reason can't pull things together to make the holiday be what they'd like. Lots of times we as parents & host families let ourselves down by not planning ahead, by not being clear about what's most important to us about a holiday, by letting grudges and misunderstandings (not to mention, a lack of generosity) get in the way of building relationships in our families... Maybe what you learned this Thanksgiving was a little bit about how 'reality' works for some families. That said, maybe too there are some things that you can do in advance for Christmas? Maybe you can do something for or with the baby that could start a tradition (e.g., photo Christmas ornaments) or give your host parent(s) a gift certificate for a few hours of "elf help" where you help them get the holiday organized (my DH really loved it when our 6 ft tall ap helped put lights on the tree-- it felt like a real gift to him from our ap). cv Hi Babsi,
Good for you that you tried to integrate yourself by helping out — even though things still didn’t turn out well, you can feel good that you personally made an effort.

Your comment also reminds me to mention that holidays often don’t live up to the hype. Sometimes a particular family’s traditions are not much like how a holiday is portrayed in movies, and that can be disappointing. But worse, I think, is when families themselves would like something different but for whatever reason can’t pull things together to make the holiday be what they’d like.

Lots of times we as parents & host families let ourselves down by not planning ahead, by not being clear about what’s most important to us about a holiday, by letting grudges and misunderstandings (not to mention, a lack of generosity) get in the way of building relationships in our families… Maybe what you learned this Thanksgiving was a little bit about how ‘reality’ works for some families.

That said, maybe too there are some things that you can do in advance for Christmas? Maybe you can do something for or with the baby that could start a tradition (e.g., photo Christmas ornaments) or give your host parent(s) a gift certificate for a few hours of “elf help” where you help them get the holiday organized (my DH really loved it when our 6 ft tall ap helped put lights on the tree– it felt like a real gift to him from our ap).
cv

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]]> By: CV http://AuPairMom.com/leftover-thanksgiving-tips-for-your-au-pair-relationship/2009/12/02/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-4670 CV Sat, 05 Dec 2009 15:16:15 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/leftover-thanksgiving-tips-for-your-au-pair-relationship/2009/12/02/celiaharquail/#comment-4670 I'm so sorry to hear that.... especially if you weren't even on duty, the kids table can feel like Siberia. I hope that your host parents rethink what it means to have an au pair before the next set of holidays, so you can be included in a more loving way. I’m so sorry to hear that…. especially if you weren’t even on duty, the kids table can feel like Siberia. I hope that your host parents rethink what it means to have an au pair before the next set of holidays, so you can be included in a more loving way.

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]]> By: aupair... http://AuPairMom.com/leftover-thanksgiving-tips-for-your-au-pair-relationship/2009/12/02/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-4667 aupair... Sat, 05 Dec 2009 05:32:26 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/leftover-thanksgiving-tips-for-your-au-pair-relationship/2009/12/02/celiaharquail/#comment-4667 I had my thanksgiving day with my host family cause I really wants to live a american life, but what I got was eating on the kid's table, with 10 kids all by my self in a diferent room from the rest of the family... I really thought that could be better! I had my thanksgiving day with my host family cause I really wants to live a american life, but what I got was eating on the kid’s table, with 10 kids all by my self in a diferent room from the rest of the family… I really thought that could be better!

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]]> By: Babsi http://AuPairMom.com/leftover-thanksgiving-tips-for-your-au-pair-relationship/2009/12/02/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-4665 Babsi Sat, 05 Dec 2009 02:37:34 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/leftover-thanksgiving-tips-for-your-au-pair-relationship/2009/12/02/celiaharquail/#comment-4665 Unfortunately I didn't spend a good Thanksgiving in my host family. I came here to America (3 months ago) with the intention to enrich my life, learn about American culture, become a part of the family and be a lovely, caring au pair. But I have to realize that I am failing! Thanksgiving made me realize. I was so excited when this Holiday was appoaching. I dreamt of a great family dinner at the grandparents' house in Chicago, but a few days before Thanksgiving they told me that they missed to orginaze the trip. So the mothers' grandparents came over. Grandma cooked all morning long, I tried to helped in order to integrate myself into the family - like I always do and to learn about the American way of cooking (my host mom cooks very rarely, and in case she cooks, it is something from the fridge like dumplings or pizza). During Grandma cooked the rest of the family was watching television without much conversation. At 2p.m. Thanksgiving dinner was ready, the child got all the attention by crying during about one hour. at 4p.m. the grandparents left and Thanksgiving was over. I am so disappointed. We did a small Black Friday shopping, but it was boring though. I am sad reading this blog, because I realize that some host families have the same problem like me, just the other way round. I feel sorry for those host family because I cannot understand those selfish au pairs. I would like to give my best and be the most wonderful au pair, but actually i feel like I have post-it on my forehead with the note: "Just the nanny". I miss those family events like Baseball games, Black Friday shopping, having dinner together etc. Oh no, Christmas Time is approaching...! Unfortunately I didn’t spend a good Thanksgiving in my host family. I came here to America (3 months ago) with the intention to enrich my life, learn about American culture, become a part of the family and be a lovely, caring au pair.
But I have to realize that I am failing! Thanksgiving made me realize.
I was so excited when this Holiday was appoaching. I dreamt of a great family dinner at the grandparents’ house in Chicago, but a few days before Thanksgiving they told me that they missed to orginaze the trip. So the mothers’ grandparents came over. Grandma cooked all morning long, I tried to helped in order to integrate myself into the family – like I always do and to learn about the American way of cooking (my host mom cooks very rarely, and in case she cooks, it is something from the fridge like dumplings or pizza). During Grandma cooked the rest of the family was watching television without much conversation.
At 2p.m. Thanksgiving dinner was ready, the child got all the attention by crying during about one hour. at 4p.m. the grandparents left and Thanksgiving was over.
I am so disappointed. We did a small Black Friday shopping, but it was boring though.

I am sad reading this blog, because I realize that some host families have the same problem like me, just the other way round. I feel sorry for those host family because I cannot understand those selfish au pairs. I would like to give my best and be the most wonderful au pair, but actually i feel like I have post-it on my forehead with the note: “Just the nanny”. I miss those family events like Baseball games, Black Friday shopping, having dinner together etc.

Oh no, Christmas Time is approaching…!

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]]> By: Calif Mom http://AuPairMom.com/leftover-thanksgiving-tips-for-your-au-pair-relationship/2009/12/02/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-4651 Calif Mom Thu, 03 Dec 2009 20:59:01 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/leftover-thanksgiving-tips-for-your-au-pair-relationship/2009/12/02/celiaharquail/#comment-4651 Thanks to all--I didn't mean to subvert the conversation, and yet am sorta glad to hear others share this same feeling. Yes, Steph, I absolutely feel that if I have to ask, it's just not the same as choosing to be with us. TX Mom -- yep! Thanks to all–I didn’t mean to subvert the conversation, and yet am sorta glad to hear others share this same feeling.

Yes, Steph, I absolutely feel that if I have to ask, it’s just not the same as choosing to be with us.

TX Mom — yep!

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]]> By: Calif Mom http://AuPairMom.com/leftover-thanksgiving-tips-for-your-au-pair-relationship/2009/12/02/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-4650 Calif Mom Thu, 03 Dec 2009 20:51:06 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/leftover-thanksgiving-tips-for-your-au-pair-relationship/2009/12/02/celiaharquail/#comment-4650 Anonymous, I know what you mean. When they get ready to leave they really start to detach even more. Our first decided to fall head over heels in love in her last 3 months (coincidence?) and it was really tough. We felt like a boarding house! Hang in there, and don't take it personally. She will be sad to leave you and your familly, too, but this is pretty common. Anonymous, I know what you mean. When they get ready to leave they really start to detach even more. Our first decided to fall head over heels in love in her last 3 months (coincidence?) and it was really tough. We felt like a boarding house! Hang in there, and don’t take it personally. She will be sad to leave you and your familly, too, but this is pretty common.

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]]> By: TX Mom http://AuPairMom.com/leftover-thanksgiving-tips-for-your-au-pair-relationship/2009/12/02/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-4648 TX Mom Thu, 03 Dec 2009 16:26:23 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/leftover-thanksgiving-tips-for-your-au-pair-relationship/2009/12/02/celiaharquail/#comment-4648 CA Mom, I feel your pain. Keep it in perspective though. I think we are in similar shoes (or pointy boots) and have had to rematch because of childcare or child/AP relationship problems. It is FANTASTIC when you have an AP that is great with the kids and a great family member, but so far of my AP's who are great with the kids, I have a 33% success rate that they are a good family member. When I chose 2 AP's who I thought would be both, we ended in rematch. Enjoy the AP who is a great childcare provider for the sanity it brings your household. CA Mom,
I feel your pain. Keep it in perspective though. I think we are in similar shoes (or pointy boots) and have had to rematch because of childcare or child/AP relationship problems. It is FANTASTIC when you have an AP that is great with the kids and a great family member, but so far of my AP’s who are great with the kids, I have a 33% success rate that they are a good family member. When I chose 2 AP’s who I thought would be both, we ended in rematch. Enjoy the AP who is a great childcare provider for the sanity it brings your household.

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]]> By: Anna http://AuPairMom.com/leftover-thanksgiving-tips-for-your-au-pair-relationship/2009/12/02/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-4646 Anna Thu, 03 Dec 2009 12:30:45 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/leftover-thanksgiving-tips-for-your-au-pair-relationship/2009/12/02/celiaharquail/#comment-4646 I agree it is not necessarily a given (nothing is a given unfortunately), but when one party is unhappy with the situation, a compromise should be found. I agree it is not necessarily a given (nothing is a given unfortunately), but when one party is unhappy with the situation, a compromise should be found.

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]]> By: aussiegirlaupair http://AuPairMom.com/leftover-thanksgiving-tips-for-your-au-pair-relationship/2009/12/02/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-4645 aussiegirlaupair Thu, 03 Dec 2009 08:18:25 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/leftover-thanksgiving-tips-for-your-au-pair-relationship/2009/12/02/celiaharquail/#comment-4645 Thats sounds great when I am an aupair next year in the states I hope I have the opportunity to help cook the Thanksgiving Meal :) Thats sounds great when I am an aupair next year in the states I hope I have the opportunity to help cook the Thanksgiving Meal :)

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