I Know a Great Au Pair going into rematch… how can I help her find a good family?

by cv harquail on January 17, 2011

We try not to meddle, but sometimes the temptation is too high… like, when you know a ReallyGreatAuPair® who’s going into rematch. Host Mom Jemima would love your advice, maybe even if it means trying to do a re-match through the comments… !

From Host Mom Jemima —

When I was choosing my current (and 2nd) AP, we had two AWESOME candidates. They both were really so good I could have flipped a coin because I simply couldn’t make a decision. We chose the one that my husband clicked with slightly more because I just could not decide. Needless to say I interviewed both girls extensively, got to know and like them both very much. In the end, we are happy with our choice (let’s call her #1). But I did stay in touch with #2 as well.

I am serious. And don't call me Shirley.

#2 found a family of 4 boys ranging from 11 mths to 9 years in the Midwest. She loved it, made many friends, and was really enjoying her year. One of the older boys got violent with her one night while the parents were at a party. When she told the parents what happened, and showed them the bruises on her legs, they were very upset with her and said she was weak and that she didn’t know how to handle boys.  

She said she wanted to work through it with them, but the child went unpunished and they wouldn’t support her. This made her feel like the parents had given a green light to the older boys to be violent with her. They went into rematch, both parents blaming her for being a weak and immature AP. In my opinion, it was a case where the mother didn’t want to see the truth about her parenting and her sweet little boy.

I talked to my LCC about her, told her the story, and she actually found a great family in my area. I was thrilled that I got to meet her in person. However, their was some infidelity among the host parents and after only a month they have decided to divorce and that they can’t afford an AP. So yesterday she went into rematch again.

The host family loves her, but the family is just in such turmoil, and the kids are older so an AP was a luxury that they had to cut. I’m not sure why they brought an AP in to such uncertainty. I just feel terrible about what has happened to this Au Pair.

Her year is up in July, but she hoping to extend. Now she feels a little bit unsure given that this was not the way she hoped her year would go.

This is a great Au Pair and she *should* go to a great family!! I’m telling you, if I didn’t like #1 so much, or if her year was up, I would snatch up #2 in a heartbeat. In fact, when #2 told me she wanted to extend, my wheels started spinning that maybe I COULD have a way to chose #1 and #2, which is what I would have liked to do all along! The idea of not going through the grueling process again, and getting that great AP I had to let go so many months ago! But I digress…

This is a great Au Pair: In Germany she worked in a Kindergarten with 3-6 year olds, often time alone with 20+ kids. She also was a tutor, a housekeeper, and a youth group leader.

She has thousands of hours handling kids of all ages. She really has a heart for children. I am very very picky about my child care and I would trust her with my kids and in my home in a heartbeat. Her English is great, her driving is excellent, she is not a party girl, just a super sweet kid-loving, 20 year old, who wants to be part of a family and who really is worried that no one will want her because of 2 rematches.

She is with a certain Au Pair Agency. I don’t know if it is appropriate, but I’m trying to figure out how to help her. If you know any moms right now in rematch with that program, can I give you her name to see if she would be a good match. She went into rematch yesterday and her expiration for the family is 20th of Jan when the host mom will move out with the host kids from the dad.

Again, I have no idea what is appropriate here, but I just WISH I knew someone who needed a GREAT AP in rematch, because she is one. She’s a little wounded, but would work all the harder to prove herself and wants nothing more but to stay in the US for another 1.5 years.

Thanks for any advice you can give!   

Readers– any ideas for helping this Au Pair get a great rematch family?

[ Note: Normally, I’d steer clear of trying to organize rematches through AuPairMom– but Host Mom Jemima is a loyal reader and contributor (using a pseudonym) so I’m experimenting with making an exception. If you want to intervene directly, I can connect you with Host Mom Jemima. — cv ]


Should be working January 17, 2011 at 9:19 am

The good news is that the agency wants her to rematch also, for their own financial benefit. So I would tell the LCC for that au pair (not clear from the post if it’s the same as your LCC) to absolutely have any interested family CALL YOU. You are a reference, and you are neutral (as far as a prospective host family is concerned). If it helps, let this AP babysit your kids (for no money, to stick to rules) for a couple of hours, so you can even say you used her yourself. If another HM told me, as you would, that she would hire the AP in a heartbeat, that goes a long way and really beats a lot of the transition stories where at best people are so-so and don’t want to commit and say this is a GREAT AP.

Again, the agency probably has good strategies for ‘selling’ the candidate, but if you don’t see anything on Craigslist, you could call the LCC. The ad should say she’s in rematch owing to divorcing host parents and/or financial reasons, because that is true and it makes her more attractive than a candidate in rematch for a personality or communication problem. The fact of the first rematch will come out later, hopefully after you have been called for your recommendation.

Noelle January 18, 2011 at 1:29 pm

Just an aside on the first sentence (agency wants her to rematch for their own financial benefit)…..I was under the impression, until AP#3, that if the agency couldn’t find a new family for a rematching AP, the agency had to eat the cost of flying her home. With AP#3 (non-driving, no english), my LCC told me that if a new match doesn’t happen, for *any* reason, AP has to pay her own way home. I think the only circumstance in which the agency I use (APIA) pays for the flight home is if the AP completes her year. And that’s it. This surprised me, I thought agency was on the hook to fly them home if no family wants the AP. No, they make that the AP’s problem.

So the benefit I can think of, that remains to the agency, is avoiding flying an out of country AP here when they can stick a rematching AP into a family instead.

I know, this is off-topic. Sorry. When i started reading your post SBW, i remembered my confusion on this and wondered if the agencies operate differently in that situation (i.e. who pays…)

Gianna January 17, 2011 at 9:54 am

I think that a number of agencies now actively encourage aupairs to supplement the agency’s efforts to place them while in rematch so you can help her look for websites like Great Aupair, etc. She can also check Craig’s List ,etc. If a family she is interested in signs on with an agency, they can stipulate that they are joining just to sign up with her. Most of the aupairs know about even more websites. She can also enlist all of her friends to search for host families. I would also caution you against getting too emotionally involved, hard as that is. It is very difficult to hear these stories and not get upset because they are heartbreaking stories. Despite her sad experience, I would encourage her to stay with an agency. Imagine being in a mess like this and not having an agency or an LCC. At the very least, I think the agency should pay for her ticket home if she cannot find a nice situation

iMom January 17, 2011 at 10:50 am

I found myself in a similar situation where the best friend of my au pair ended up in rematch. Like you, I would have taken her in a heartbeat if my au pair hadn’t already been perfect for us (we joked about having a double au pair household) and I wanted very much to help her find a new family. The AP agency wasn’t being very proactive, so I sent out an email to all of my friends (even those without kids because everyone knows people with kids) describing this au pair and her good qualities and asking that they let me know if they or anyone they knew were considering an au pair. We ended up making a successful match with a friend of a friend. The recommendation of a current host family (even if it is not for your au pair) goes a long way as you might imagine. My friends trusted my judgement of character and abilities so they really helped to spread the word.

Calif Mom January 17, 2011 at 11:48 am

Many regions also have a yahoo list of au pair moms if there is a certain region she wants to be in.

No name January 17, 2011 at 2:15 pm

How can we get in touch? We are not happy with our Au Pair, but don’t feel compelled to rematch because we fear what else is out there. This Au Pair sounds like exactly what we need. Can the moderator see my email address and give it to you without making it public?


HRHM January 17, 2011 at 3:28 pm

Just beware that at this point, your time frame may not line up. If you don’t have serious cause (just general “she’s not great”) then most agencies will require you to sit with the LCC and AP, go over what you want her to improve, wait two weeks to see if she does what you asked, meet again in two weeks with the LCC, THEN, if she hasn’t made the improvements you asked, they will either try to work with her some more (if it’s a skills thing) or allow you to start the 2 week rematch at that point. So even if you called in the LCC now, you’d be looking at keeping her until the first week in February and the above girl needs to move by 1/20.

I also think it’s kind of lousy to do this to your AP. She’s either good enough or she’s not. If not, then you owe it to both her and you to tell her why it’s not working (and give her a chance to improve if you haven’t already) and move on. How would you feel if she was trolling GAP for a “better” family (nicer house, cooler location, more vacation travel, older kids) and THEN let you know she was rematching after she already found a better deal. Just my 2 cents.

no name January 17, 2011 at 4:33 pm

Wow, I am astounded by your two cents, knowing nothing about my family or situation. I didn’t provide any information, just offered a potential connection. We have been in and out of meetings with our Au Pair and LCC for months, and feel every day that we are settling for a situation that is not best for us or our children. Host families and Au Pairs come to this site to find encouragement and support, not to be called “lousy” without just cause.

Momof4 January 17, 2011 at 9:20 pm

I was not happy with my first aupair. I stuck it out for 3 months before she walked out on us. I too was afraid to “rematch” after that. However, my second aupair was a transition au pair. She was the best help I’ve had in 16 years. My 3rd au pair is an extending au pair. And she is a different kind of awesome! There is hope -you just need to find the right one. And no – you should’nt have to “settle” for just anyone because you feel bad for the ap. If you are not happy – move on. You are spending alot of time and money for childcare and should be completely happy!

no name January 17, 2011 at 9:46 pm

Thanks so much for this comment. We feel very conflicted, as I’m sure many a host family has before us, that we made a committment to this girl for a year and if the situation isn’t catastrophic we should stay put. This post really opened my eyes… I can hardly believe an Au Pair this good exists, with this kind of experience and personality to keep in touch with a family that didn’t choose her. We can hardly get the time of day from our own Au Pair, whom we spoil silly. It’s been my unspoken assumption that the girls in rematch are in rematch for a reason and the known evil is preferable. Maybe I’m wrong about that.

iMom January 19, 2011 at 12:58 pm

I am responding to no name’s comment below, but there didn’t appear to be an option to reply under that comment. It is easy to assume that rematching au pairs have issues, else why would they be in rematch, right? I was totally guilty of this. But we found our current au pair as a rematch and she is totally amazing in every way as an au pair. She went into transition after only two weeks with her previous family, so I was afraid she might be flaky and over-react to situations instead of trying to work them out. But I found out she is just the opposite and had expressed excellent judgement in leaving her first family. It’s true, you can’t make assumptions about re-matching au pairs.

HRHM January 18, 2011 at 3:03 am

“We are not happy with our Au Pair, but don’t feel compelled to rematch because we fear what else is out there”

This is what I think is lousy – I would never refer to you or any other person as lousy. I’m sorry you took it that way. And if you have already been through mediation (as my post suggested was needed) then great. All I was saying is that it’s unfair to both parties to hang on until “something better” comes along. We’ve heard/discussed APs that did this to their families and all were outraged. Why shouldn’t it work in the other direction as well?

Eurogirl January 18, 2011 at 7:54 am

I thought it’s quite common to stay in touch with families you don’t match with, rather than hard to believe – I’ve done this several times and know other au pairs that have too – and then met up with them and the au pairs they ended up with. It’s a good way to have au pair friends and connections lined up in the area you are going to, and it’s nice to have back-ups, local people looking out for you, just in case something goes wrong or you need help.

Although I au paired independently in Europe. I imagine the process through agencies is different.

igelwelch January 18, 2011 at 12:59 pm

It’s so hard to settle for less than really good childcare and it’s exhausting to have someone that doesn’t fit in your family. Ignore the “lousy” comments and do what is best for your family. There are better situations out there. Don’t fear the unknown–it could be the best thing for you!

Calif Mom January 18, 2011 at 4:59 pm

I totally understand the hesitation and the inclination to “work on” your current situation, even if you feel it is doomed. (In fact, I find myself wishing that my current au pair would read this site, see herself in my comments, and either get her act together or go find another family. Which is not to say I’m not ALSO having clear conversations with her about expectations, and working with our counselor. But it’s all exhausting, and I find myself regretting that I let myself be talked into giving her another chance in the fall, frankly.)

It’s very hard to look an AP in the eye and say “you know what, this isn’t working and I’m done trying”. Host moms are not quitters, we are generally an optimistic lot or we would never sign up for this arrangement to start with. So being the one who ends it is fraught with all kinds of negativity:

–I should have tried harder
–there’s something wrong with my family/kids/lifestyle
–if only we were/had [ ]ed, this wouldn’t have happened
–I’ve heard there aren’t many candidates in winter, how long will it take and will we have to “settle”
–what if we can’t find a new au pair soon enough and I spend my entire year’s worth of annual leave while we’re searching?
–what if they pressure us to take an au pair from out of state when I really want to meet them in person?
–what if we make the same mistakes again with the new au pair?
–what if the new au pair is even worse, albeit in a different way? At least with this au pair we know what the problems are
–what if we end up with the exact same problem with the next au pair?
–what if the kids start acting up or resent US for the rematch?
–what if the kids reject the new au pair and she leaves us right away?

So yes, I’ve been thru rematch before and often tell people to just do it, band-aid style, but it’s very hard. It’s exhausting to live with childcare you’re not happy with, but it’s exhausting-er to go through rematch intensity for several weeks of uncertainty, too. And if you’re already exhausted, the thought of finding a burst of energy for that new, unplanned “project” can be overwhelming.

But sometimes it really is the right thing to do, and you’ll be happy for it later.

CO Host Mom January 17, 2011 at 7:14 pm

Definitely get in touch with her LCC and offer to be a reference. Also let the AP know that she can give out your name/number to potential HFs as a reference. I just went through a rematch, and my first step was always to call the LCC to get the “scoop”. If the LCC or the AP herself and provided me with a neutral third party reference to talk to about the AP, that would have gone a long way for me in considering that AP.

anon January 17, 2011 at 7:16 pm

Turns out the AP has decided to return home. :-(

Boys Mama January 20, 2011 at 1:44 pm

My husband and I live in southern California with three boys – 3,4 and a 5 month old. We have just “broken up” with our Au Pair (she brought a criminal into our house while we slept last night) and have to rematch quickly. My husband is German and we are in the program specifically to have a German Au Pair to speak German with the boys. We are a happy household with a high activity level. I feel that if there is still a chance that this Au Pair would consider staying, it might be kismet to connect us with her. I was really touched by her story. I would prefer to stay with CCAP, is she with them? Could you connect us?


Original Poster January 20, 2011 at 3:36 pm

She isn’t with CCAP and unfortunately this experience has just been too rough on her. Both rematches ended so badly, so inconsiderately, the goodbyes were so thoughtless, this AP is unfortunately DONE with the AP program. She says she is not done with the US, and will come back as a visitor some day, but she thinks this is a program not for her.

She did find another family who wanted to match with her in our area, and I applaud her for her honesty, she was empty, had nothing left to give. She turned them down, knowing what was required to care for 2 babies and she knew she couldn’t give them her best as she could have even a month ago. She said it would not be fair to that family. To me, this is more proof of her character, even though she thinks it makes her sound weak.

I’m sad that this amazing AP’s spirit was crushed in the last two months. Everything about her was perfect to be a wonderful AuPair. I just wished she would have gotten a host family (like most on this site) who really would value her. I can’t help but feeling somewhat guilty for not choosing her in the first place. Even though I LOVE our AuPair, and I made the right choice for our family, it’s hard to think how much differently this year could have gone for her if a loving family would have chosen her to work hard for them.

Boys Mama – I wish you luck. Check out Karen Six’s link below, and register yourself. I’m glad to see a site like that exists, and I hope that after time, it could be a great resource with numerous entries. I will certainly refer people to it. A criminal? Yikes! How horrible, I’m sorry for how you must be struggling today!

My initial thought about this post is that my “question” can’t be a rare one. Here I have this network of amazing HM across the country, yet wasn’t sure to reach out and see if one of them was in need. We all must have great APs at times who find themselves in rematch. Sure the LLCs are doing all they can, but if I saw that a girl had already been in rematch 2x I don’t know if I would have looked further, unless I had a recommendation from someone independent. My thought was NOW what? How can I help? Unfortunately it was too late. This broke her.

anonmom January 21, 2011 at 11:24 am

If you happen to read this, I know a good male au pair with CCAP who needs to rematch, due to no fault of his own. I would hire him now, if I could, but timing does not work for us. He has been in our home with our children when a prior au pair was with us, and since became an au pair. Sadly, within a week of being here, the situation was one he was not aware of, and only found out after the family’s dismal history with au pairs. The children in his house are teens, with special needs but the host family never told any of the au pairs. one of the kids tried to light the house on fire. I advised him to try and rematch sooner, but he really tried. He is also German. If this is possibility, perhaps CV can hook us up.

Taking a Computer Lunch January 21, 2011 at 11:47 am

Wow, I’m amazed that CCAP let the family get away with that. While we are up front with AP candidates about The Camel, APIA reminds us every step up the way that we have a legal obligation to notify APs of her condition. Upon each AP’s arrival both she and I sign a document that says the AP is aware of The Camel and has received training in her care.

While the knowledge of a special needs child does not prevent APs from going into rematch (I’ve never gone into rematch with an AP), the situation you are describing borders on criminal toward APs.

anonmom January 22, 2011 at 8:54 pm

Taking…. I agree with you on sounding criminal. I feel so sad for this young man, as our family was the ‘reason’ he decided to become an au pair, when he came to visit our au pair that year. Anyway, when he first arrived he wrote me about how sad it was at that house, and that the family had renmatched numerous times. The one child, does not socialize with other children, and acts like a dog. he is the one who tried to light the house on fire. The other child, I can’t recall the issues, but she is older, and his ‘job’ was to make sure she was not on the internet all the time. I can’t recall the rest. I wish I were with the same agency as he, and that we were in the same state. He has watched our children, and I have no reason to doubt him. It is not the first time a host family has not been honest with either the au pair, or the agency, and I am sure it won’t be the last. There was one family in my area who rematched 5 times within 3 months, yet the agency allowed this, and in the end the 5th AP went home, as well.

Host Mum Down Under January 18, 2011 at 10:27 am

Can you ask her to come to New Zealand?

We have had our au pair (an American) decide to leave us (with a mere week’s notice) after a grand total of 5 days in the country (she “didn’t realise that being an au pair included working”) and we are desperate for someone! She sounds great…

It’s probably a bit far I guess.

Karin Six January 18, 2011 at 1:21 pm

I felt compelled to help transition au pairs find a new home and that is why I started http://www.incountryaupair.com to list transition au pairs. (It was after seeing one really good au pair not being able to complete her year in the US that I became motivated to start the website.) When au pair’s register, many LCCs (including myself) will actively market them in their own region thus increasing their chances of staying (with new and/or current host families). Btw, for disclosure purposes, I am an LCC in San Diego for CCAP and have previously conversed with our moderator about the above website.

Gianna January 18, 2011 at 5:57 pm

Karin, I am wondering how this website works ? Is it just for your cluster or does it include other clusters ? Just for your agency ? It sounds like a really good idea -so good , in fact, that I am surprized that all of the other agencies do not do something similiar . It would certainly be a help to the aupairs and to families in rematch.

Karin Six January 19, 2011 at 11:18 am

Hi Gianna,
I try to be generic regarding posting au pairs who are looking for rematch and will post their agency as well.

cv harquail January 18, 2011 at 8:37 pm

Hey Karin-
I can’t believe that I didn’t mention your site in the post itself…! Completely my bad, and I apologize. I have to remember that there are organized ‘solutions’ to helping someone find a new host family. cv

Karin Six January 19, 2011 at 11:30 am

Hi CV – Nothing to apologize for! It was a brand new site last time we spoke and we were both unsure of its possibilities… So far though, it has helped many au pairs and host families connect… (That is what is important and why I mentioned it again here. Please list as a resource link if you get a chance.)

Calif Mom January 21, 2011 at 1:51 pm

I checked out Karin’s site, and it really is great because you can get more info, quickly, than I have ever been able to out of counselors during a rematch, but I didn’t see one AP who wasn’t with CCAP.

I’m pretty sure that they cannot switch agencies, but I’d love to be wrong! Looking at State Dept website wasn’t helpful, plus each AP and host family has a contract with a specific agency, so obligations might vary.

I’m coming to the conclusion that being able to rematch more easily might make for a lot more happiness overall, for au pairs and families. Yes, there would be some APs who would go shopping for better perks, but would they outnumber the number of families who suffer along, gritting their teeth until their year is done because rematch is so hellish? I just don’t know.

Taking a Computer Lunch January 21, 2011 at 2:08 pm

I wonder what percentage of APs “go shopping” versus those that endure imperfect situations. My current AP has a good friend who chafes at her current situation (HM determined to get 45 hours per week but won’t create a schedule, so she’s always likely to be called on to duty when she’s home and must ask permission to go out), but won’t go into rematch because she likes the children, likes the community, and has made good friends – and those perks outweigh having a more structured work life in another area of the country. My guess is that APs are much more likely to “call it quits” and return home than to “go shopping,” but I don’t have any real numbers – just nearly 10 years of experience watching my AP’s friends.

Calif Mom January 21, 2011 at 4:29 pm

Exactly, TACL! The numbers who “shop” –while I know they exist, because it happened to me with the Princess, who found a family with one kid and a luxuriously large estate, befitting her royal highness–are probably low. But I bet there are a high percentage of families–and APs–whose experience falls into that “so-so” category.

BLJ Host Mom January 21, 2011 at 5:11 pm

I’ve also seen APs afraid to go in to rematch (who should have due to the unreasonable expectations from host families) because they think that equates to going home. They really don’t believe they will get chosen again. I don’t think they know that there are better families out there, and most of the ones I know would be WAY to scared to shop. Or they wouldn’t even know where to start. So I agree that it is a pretty low percent of shoppers. If you are going to shop, shop in the original matching process!

I noticed that all the girls on Karen’s site were CCAP too. And many are not current. Perhaps if we could promote it a little more within our other agencies, we’d all benefit.

From everything I’ve heard, there is no way to switch Visas mid year. There is no benefit to any agency allowing a girl to stay on their Visa and go to a new agency, and the agency sponsors the Visa.

Gianna January 19, 2011 at 1:59 pm

Did we, as a group, ever resolve the question of whether or not an aupair can switch agencies. I seem to recall a thread along those lines but I think it really focused on whether a host family can change agencies and keep the aupair. If an aupair switch agencies that would really open up rematch possibilities.

Anon-former-aupair January 19, 2011 at 2:50 pm

As far as I know it is not possible for an AuPair to switch agencies while being in the US because the Visa is sponsored (or something like that, I can’t exactly remember) by the agency and is therefore tied to this specific agency.

anonmom January 22, 2011 at 9:00 pm

Hmm, I thought the J-1 visa was through the state departement. I wonder what we have to do to get legislation passed to make this a possibility? Just thinking outloud here! I recall being at a function at cocktail hour seated next to a congressman, and somehow the au pair topic came up. He had a very famous individual who wanted to have their AP extend another year (before that was changed) due to the fact that the child was SN, but no matter how he looked into it, it could not be done. Coincidence that Now the AP’s can extend another year? hmmmmm. :)

HRHM January 23, 2011 at 5:34 am

There may be some way for agencies to transfer sponsorship of a visa, but even if it were possible, the agencies have no incentive to do so. Agency #1 doesn’t want to lose an AP that they paid to vet and interview back in her home country. And agency #2 has little to nothing to gain when they have a line of APs that have already paid that they are trying to place. It would require both agencies to commit time and people resources and likely pay a fee as well. I can’t really see an upside for the agency, especially when the economy is so bad and the supply of HFs is thinner than usual.

NoVA Host Mom January 20, 2011 at 2:12 am

I see that the AP candidate in question has decided to return home. I honestly don’t blame her, as her time in the US has not been what she thought it would be. She has been physically harmed by one kid (and not supported by that parent), and bounced around among other families.

To the OP, you can rest knowing you did go above and beyond trying to help this candidate to find a new family, and her memories of the US will not be all bad. She will remember the kind HM who tried hard to help her out. You did good, my friend.

OP January 21, 2011 at 5:12 pm

Thanks NoVA Host Mom,
That means a lot, really. And I know it is true too.

Calif Mom January 22, 2011 at 5:43 pm

Hear Hear! You did do good. No guilt.

Karin Six January 23, 2011 at 3:04 pm

You can’t change agencies since the agency sponsored the visa. I hope more au pairs (esp motivated au pairs) will use the website as a tool to find another host family. They have a chance to write a letter and have it posted (where host families may be able to see it).

HRHM January 23, 2011 at 4:35 pm

From the State Department Web site:

62.42 Transfer of program.
(a) Program sponsors may, pursuant to the provisions set forth in this section, permit an exchange visitor to transfer from one designated program to another designated program.

(b) The responsible officer of the program to which the exchange visitor is transferring:

(1) Shall verify the exchange visitor’s visa status and program eligibility;

(2) Execute the Form DS–2019; and

(3) Secure the written release of the current sponsor.

(c) Upon return of the completed Form DS–2019, the responsible officer of the program to which the exchange visitor has transferred shall provide:

(1) The exchange visitor his or her copy of the Form DS–2019; and

(2) A notification copy of such form to the Department of State

So it’s definitely possible. Just not financially beneficial to anyone but the AP

Karin Six January 23, 2011 at 8:30 pm

Thanks for clarifying HRHM!

HM QUESTION February 1, 2011 at 11:43 am

For a dealbreaking reason we need to release our AP and we have chosen to exit the program to take a breather. However, our AP has many wonderful qualities and has made many friends in our area. She very much wants to stay in the area and recognizes that slim chances of finding another Host Family here. She has been investigating her options and found that the YMCA can host a J1 visa. Does anyone have knowledge about this? Of course she would need to find a place to live, work, and take a college course. Can a different entity pick up her J1 visa? HRHM’s post suggest this. I wonder how long this process is.

HRHM February 1, 2011 at 12:38 pm

While I think that a sponsor transfer is not prohibited within a program, I don’t think that you can change programs (AP to camp counselor, visiting professor to exchange student) without returning to your home country and undergoing the Visa process again.

You should encourage her to find a family in another area of the US within the AP program. Its a big country with lots of great places I’m sure she has yet to see, and lots of HFs are looking for an AP with “many wonderful qualities”. Otherwise, she will have to return home.

Willian February 1, 2011 at 2:15 pm

Au Pairs are able to change their “status” in the USA, if they decide to leave the Au Pair Program. They can try to either change their “status” to student (they will need to prove enough money to pay for college in case of a student (it’s also possible to be sponsored by someone else) or enough money to pay for their expenses in case of a tourist). Those are the options I’ve heard of.

There is no way to tell if this change will be accepted or not and Au Pairs should do it before their DS-2019 is canceled.

Once again, it’s possible to change the “status”, not the visa. Therefore, the Au Pair will not be able to go to her/his home country for vacation and then come back to the USA, if this happen, the person will have to go under the process of requiring a visa again in her/his home country.

NYC Host Mom February 15, 2011 at 5:12 pm

I am in a very similar position. My au pair’s best friend is currently in rematch process and I would totally take her if I needed two au pairs or if my au pair was leaving soon. I so want to help her because she is lovely and placed with a woman who in my opinion, should not be a host mom. We are sort of her unofficial “adopted” host parents because the lady she was placed with (single mom) was truly a whack job so she spent much of her after hours time at our place. Our area director removed her from the home recently and took her to stay at her place because she couldn’t stand to see such a lovely girl subjected to this host mom any longer. I can say with 100% confidence that the rematch is entirely because of the host-mom and this au pair stuck it out longer than I would have (almost 4 months). She would ideally like to stay in the NYC / Tri-State area. You can reach me at downtownsoul@aol.com if you’d like more info.

Comments on this entry are closed.