Comments on: How to Handle Costs for a Ski Vacation: Who should pay for what? http://AuPairMom.com/how-to-handle-costs-for-a-ski-vacation-who-should-pay-for-what/2010/02/05/celiaharquail/ Helping Host Parents and Au Pairs build great relationships. Thu, 09 Feb 2012 08:40:11 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: AFHostmom http://AuPairMom.com/how-to-handle-costs-for-a-ski-vacation-who-should-pay-for-what/2010/02/05/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-15794 AFHostmom Thu, 13 Jan 2011 13:22:06 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=2528#comment-15794 I just wanted to write a follow-up for those who provided me input. Again, thanks for the ideas. I presented 3 options to the AP: come with us, alone, in a suite with a shared room w/ the kids; bring her friend (which wold mean us shifting our plans by a day to accomodate her, and we didn't mind), or stay and have run of the house. She chose the third option (I probably would have to--I can imagine she is as weary of us as we are of always having someone around). She is inviting several AP friends to sleep over one of the nights and they will watch movies, play video games, etc. I'm leaving her some money to treat them to take-out (haven't told her this yet, it is a little "have fun" gesture), and taking her to the grocery tomorrow to load up on snacks. The extras will be appreciated, and still less expensive than taking her on the trip, we will all (hopefully) refresh ourselves, and she can take a weekend to see the city--traveling by train--later, or on her way back home at the end of her time here. I just wanted to write a follow-up for those who provided me input. Again, thanks for the ideas. I presented 3 options to the AP: come with us, alone, in a suite with a shared room w/ the kids; bring her friend (which wold mean us shifting our plans by a day to accomodate her, and we didn’t mind), or stay and have run of the house. She chose the third option (I probably would have to–I can imagine she is as weary of us as we are of always having someone around). She is inviting several AP friends to sleep over one of the nights and they will watch movies, play video games, etc. I’m leaving her some money to treat them to take-out (haven’t told her this yet, it is a little “have fun” gesture), and taking her to the grocery tomorrow to load up on snacks. The extras will be appreciated, and still less expensive than taking her on the trip, we will all (hopefully) refresh ourselves, and she can take a weekend to see the city–traveling by train–later, or on her way back home at the end of her time here.

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]]> By: NoVA Mom http://AuPairMom.com/how-to-handle-costs-for-a-ski-vacation-who-should-pay-for-what/2010/02/05/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-15738 NoVA Mom Tue, 11 Jan 2011 19:38:18 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=2528#comment-15738 I think the ride and hostel are a great idea. I stayed at the Hostelling International Hostel in New York about 3 years ago (I wanted the high school exchange student I had at the time to be able to see New York before she left, but since she was 16 didn't want to send her by herself, so darn it I had to go with). The hostel is great, the neighborhood is OK as long as you use your head like you would in any big city. The website is http://www.hinewyork.org/index.shtml. She and a friend would do well there - the hostel seems to be very used to helping young people out in New York. I think the ride and hostel are a great idea. I stayed at the Hostelling International Hostel in New York about 3 years ago (I wanted the high school exchange student I had at the time to be able to see New York before she left, but since she was 16 didn’t want to send her by herself, so darn it I had to go with). The hostel is great, the neighborhood is OK as long as you use your head like you would in any big city. The website is http://www.hinewyork.org/index.shtml. She and a friend would do well there – the hostel seems to be very used to helping young people out in New York.

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]]> By: Mom23 http://AuPairMom.com/how-to-handle-costs-for-a-ski-vacation-who-should-pay-for-what/2010/02/05/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-15731 Mom23 Tue, 11 Jan 2011 15:19:38 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=2528#comment-15731 We have stayed at the Embassy Suites in lower Manhattan. It was not terribly close to the subway, and very close to the World Trade Center construction, but it offered all that the usual Embassy Suites offered and it is a great option for a large family or a family traveling with an au pair. I have found that my au pairs did not mind sharing a room with the kids if we were paying the bills (and not making the au pair work). We have stayed at the Embassy Suites in lower Manhattan. It was not terribly close to the subway, and very close to the World Trade Center construction, but it offered all that the usual Embassy Suites offered and it is a great option for a large family or a family traveling with an au pair.

I have found that my au pairs did not mind sharing a room with the kids if we were paying the bills (and not making the au pair work).

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]]> By: AFHostmom http://AuPairMom.com/how-to-handle-costs-for-a-ski-vacation-who-should-pay-for-what/2010/02/05/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-15730 AFHostmom Tue, 11 Jan 2011 11:24:46 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=2528#comment-15730 Thanks much for all the input. Embassy/homewood suites etc is a great idea but if I'm honest our AP can be a bit of work sometimes so I am kind of looking forward to some "not having to tranlsate culture" time. I had kind of come to the conclusion that novamom suggested--i will offer her and her friend a ride and help them find a hostel, I think, and invite them to join us for parts of days (being clear about costs) if they wish. Thanks much for all the input. Embassy/homewood suites etc is a great idea but if I’m honest our AP can be a bit of work sometimes so I am kind of looking forward to some “not having to tranlsate culture” time. I had kind of come to the conclusion that novamom suggested–i will offer her and her friend a ride and help them find a hostel, I think, and invite them to join us for parts of days (being clear about costs) if they wish.

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]]> By: NoVA Host Mom http://AuPairMom.com/how-to-handle-costs-for-a-ski-vacation-who-should-pay-for-what/2010/02/05/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-15728 NoVA Host Mom Tue, 11 Jan 2011 04:18:48 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=2528#comment-15728 Given the financial constraints, if she is not working, I agree to just be honest but have her pay for her own vacation/weekend. Offer the ride to NY (if you are driving) for free, but let her know that the costs once there are on her. Maybe she'd appreciate the ride and had not thought of using the weekend that way until you mention it. Suggest that if she has a friend who wants to go with her, the two of them might like sharing the room costs and spending the weekend exploring on their own. Make arrangements to meet for the ride home, and just keep in contact during the visit. Many of us cannot afford to front the vacation costs for the non-working trips. We do other things as we can (maybe an extra vacation day or something), and just roll with life. We can't and don't provide our APs with anything and everything. It's not there for us to do it with. But we do what we can, and work to not get Princesses. Given the financial constraints, if she is not working, I agree to just be honest but have her pay for her own vacation/weekend. Offer the ride to NY (if you are driving) for free, but let her know that the costs once there are on her. Maybe she’d appreciate the ride and had not thought of using the weekend that way until you mention it. Suggest that if she has a friend who wants to go with her, the two of them might like sharing the room costs and spending the weekend exploring on their own. Make arrangements to meet for the ride home, and just keep in contact during the visit.

Many of us cannot afford to front the vacation costs for the non-working trips. We do other things as we can (maybe an extra vacation day or something), and just roll with life. We can’t and don’t provide our APs with anything and everything. It’s not there for us to do it with. But we do what we can, and work to not get Princesses.

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]]> By: Taking a Computer Lunch http://AuPairMom.com/how-to-handle-costs-for-a-ski-vacation-who-should-pay-for-what/2010/02/05/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-15725 Taking a Computer Lunch Tue, 11 Jan 2011 02:14:12 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=2528#comment-15725 My guess is that most hotels, when asked, also offer a military discount, which would make your stay more affordable. If you have AAA, many also offer a discount for members as well. I have found that sometimes one can do better by actually calling a hotel than by booking through an online service (plus, you'll have the advantage of learning about how accessible the location is to your destination). We, too, are fans of suites of rooms. We recently stayed in a hotel that offered a kitchen with plates and pots - we saved a mint on restaurants by cooking simple meals and eating them in the suite. (Another trick for NY is that many of the museums' fees are merely a suggested donation - you may pay less and while they might glare at you, they aren't permitted to say no.) Personally, I've often thought I'd be willing to put up an AP who was not necessarily a friend of my AP, who wanted a free place to stay and a meal in exchange for doing dishes or cooking a traditional dinner one night. I'm not sure, however, that I'd go in for a whole host family (not that I live near NYC). My guess is that most hotels, when asked, also offer a military discount, which would make your stay more affordable. If you have AAA, many also offer a discount for members as well. I have found that sometimes one can do better by actually calling a hotel than by booking through an online service (plus, you’ll have the advantage of learning about how accessible the location is to your destination).

We, too, are fans of suites of rooms. We recently stayed in a hotel that offered a kitchen with plates and pots – we saved a mint on restaurants by cooking simple meals and eating them in the suite. (Another trick for NY is that many of the museums’ fees are merely a suggested donation – you may pay less and while they might glare at you, they aren’t permitted to say no.)

Personally, I’ve often thought I’d be willing to put up an AP who was not necessarily a friend of my AP, who wanted a free place to stay and a meal in exchange for doing dishes or cooking a traditional dinner one night. I’m not sure, however, that I’d go in for a whole host family (not that I live near NYC).

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]]> By: Dorsi http://AuPairMom.com/how-to-handle-costs-for-a-ski-vacation-who-should-pay-for-what/2010/02/05/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-15724 Dorsi Tue, 11 Jan 2011 00:18:01 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=2528#comment-15724 I am a big fan of Embassy Suites when travelling -- they almost always have a "living room" with a fold out sofa, so there is a door between me and the Au Pair. They are not cheap, but nice and usually cheaper than two decent hotel rooms. They also typically have nice, hot breakfast that is free and often an evening happy hour with snacks. That covers a lot of the cost of bringing the Au Pair. I just looked -- there is one in Seacaucas, NJ, 4 miles from Manhattan -- I have no idea if that means it is easily accessible to the city -- that costs $160/night for their "two room suite" -- that seems like a steal in Manhattan. While there are lots of other hotels that offer similar "two room suites" Embassy is the only one I know that reliably does it in all their hotels. Good luck. I am a big fan of Embassy Suites when travelling — they almost always have a “living room” with a fold out sofa, so there is a door between me and the Au Pair. They are not cheap, but nice and usually cheaper than two decent hotel rooms. They also typically have nice, hot breakfast that is free and often an evening happy hour with snacks. That covers a lot of the cost of bringing the Au Pair.

I just looked — there is one in Seacaucas, NJ, 4 miles from Manhattan — I have no idea if that means it is easily accessible to the city — that costs $160/night for their “two room suite” — that seems like a steal in Manhattan.

While there are lots of other hotels that offer similar “two room suites” Embassy is the only one I know that reliably does it in all their hotels.

Good luck.

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]]> By: AFHostmom http://AuPairMom.com/how-to-handle-costs-for-a-ski-vacation-who-should-pay-for-what/2010/02/05/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-15720 AFHostmom Mon, 10 Jan 2011 19:35:56 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=2528#comment-15720 Thanks for the advice--mostly I feel like a dirtbag for not being able to pay all of her expenses, but she IS helpful when we are on the road, and our finances are what they are, unfortunately. I'll just be honest with her and try not to overcommit myself financially (as I tend to do), and see how she reacts. We've taken her out of town once, to visit our families, but that of course was a whole different scenario as she had a free private room and the meals were "paid for." :) She really enjoyed the time, and I know she wants to see as much as possible, so we'll try to make it work. Thanks for the advice–mostly I feel like a dirtbag for not being able to pay all of her expenses, but she IS helpful when we are on the road, and our finances are what they are, unfortunately. I’ll just be honest with her and try not to overcommit myself financially (as I tend to do), and see how she reacts. We’ve taken her out of town once, to visit our families, but that of course was a whole different scenario as she had a free private room and the meals were “paid for.” :) She really enjoyed the time, and I know she wants to see as much as possible, so we’ll try to make it work.

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]]> By: Taking a Computer Lunch http://AuPairMom.com/how-to-handle-costs-for-a-ski-vacation-who-should-pay-for-what/2010/02/05/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-15719 Taking a Computer Lunch Mon, 10 Jan 2011 19:16:34 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=2528#comment-15719 Personally, I have always invited my APs to join the family in our travels (not all have wanted to go on every trip). I have found that even when they are not working they have been gracious about pitching in as a family member because they're grateful for the opportunity to travel. DH and I pay for meals and touring when they are done with our family. We have always given the AP her own room (except when we visit one family member - because the option is to sleep with The Camel and have a door that closes or to sleep in the living room which is completely open). If you are not having her work, then I believe it is fine to invite her but tell her that she will need to pay for her own room as she will not be working.Then, it is her choice to spend the money or not. If you don't intend for her to pay to see the sights with your family, then you need to be up front - as those expenses can add up quickly in Manhattan. She may well decide that she wants to stay home and save her money. You always have the option not to invite an au pair, but it may affect your relationship with her. If she's been fantastic about pitching in, then I would recommend offering to include her. Personally, I have always invited my APs to join the family in our travels (not all have wanted to go on every trip). I have found that even when they are not working they have been gracious about pitching in as a family member because they’re grateful for the opportunity to travel. DH and I pay for meals and touring when they are done with our family. We have always given the AP her own room (except when we visit one family member – because the option is to sleep with The Camel and have a door that closes or to sleep in the living room which is completely open).

If you are not having her work, then I believe it is fine to invite her but tell her that she will need to pay for her own room as she will not be working.Then, it is her choice to spend the money or not. If you don’t intend for her to pay to see the sights with your family, then you need to be up front – as those expenses can add up quickly in Manhattan. She may well decide that she wants to stay home and save her money.

You always have the option not to invite an au pair, but it may affect your relationship with her. If she’s been fantastic about pitching in, then I would recommend offering to include her.

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]]> By: AFhostmom http://AuPairMom.com/how-to-handle-costs-for-a-ski-vacation-who-should-pay-for-what/2010/02/05/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-15718 AFhostmom Mon, 10 Jan 2011 18:22:27 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=2528#comment-15718 Dragging up an old topic here, but I am curious what others think and I don't see much on this aspect of the travel issue. We use our 45 hours all during the week, and in fact end up juggling to stay within the limit. With the 3 day weekend coming up, we were thinking of going out of town to NYC, where we've never been(we just moved here, since my husband is in the military). My au pair has never visited NYC either, and we thought of taking her....but we are out of hours so if we DO take her, it will be just for her benefit. Is it a foul to not bring her? We are really not in the position to pay for 2 hotel rooms, and our kids are young enough that they can just stay with us in our room. I would love to take her but on the other hand, frankly, we could use some "us" time too. Do I just be honest, and give her run of the house? Do I invite her but ask her to pay for part of her way? Ugh. I thought about bringing her and her friend who also has the weekend off until it occurred to me that they won't be able to watch the kids anyway because of the 45 hour rule. I know she would love to go but I am not sure what to do. Dragging up an old topic here, but I am curious what others think and I don’t see much on this aspect of the travel issue.
We use our 45 hours all during the week, and in fact end up juggling to stay within the limit. With the 3 day weekend coming up, we were thinking of going out of town to NYC, where we’ve never been(we just moved here, since my husband is in the military). My au pair has never visited NYC either, and we thought of taking her….but we are out of hours so if we DO take her, it will be just for her benefit. Is it a foul to not bring her? We are really not in the position to pay for 2 hotel rooms, and our kids are young enough that they can just stay with us in our room. I would love to take her but on the other hand, frankly, we could use some “us” time too. Do I just be honest, and give her run of the house? Do I invite her but ask her to pay for part of her way? Ugh. I thought about bringing her and her friend who also has the weekend off until it occurred to me that they won’t be able to watch the kids anyway because of the 45 hour rule. I know she would love to go but I am not sure what to do.

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