Comments on: How to choose between two good candidates? Offer your opinion…

By: Taking a Computer Lunch

Taking a Computer Lunch — Thu, 23 Jun 2011 02:53:12 +0000

Probably not typical, but it does happen. It always takes DH and I 4-5 weeks to interview all the candidates in which we are interested that express interest in caring for our daughter (in part because we’re limited to weekends and can rarely interview more than 2-3 candidates on any given weekend). And yes, around holidays and vacations, it can be difficult to line up a good time. You don’t say whether you’re an AP waiting to hear that a HF wants to match with you or a HF surprised at how long it takes. If your an AP, then I recommend contacting the family and expressing interest. I’m always pleased when candidates take initiative to contact me.

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By: Anon for this time

Anon for this time — Thu, 23 Jun 2011 00:54:44 +0000

Hey there: this is prob off topic but since you’re a great community I wanted to ask if it’s normal for a family to take more than 4 weeks to interview an Au Pair. Thanks in advance for your time

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By: counselor

counselor — Fri, 01 May 2009 20:12:09 +0000

I have been a counselor for over 14 years now.
And I have found that the more communication there is between host family and the au pair that they have selected before she arrives to the USA, the better relationship both have with each other. It is really good to ask lots of questions of her about anything really – family, school, jobs, friends, here upbringing, her town, what she is doing, vacations, religion, just anything. And offer lots of info about your family too. Encourage her to ask questions of you.
The more she knows about you the more comfortable she will feel once arriving to your family.
It is to her as if she knows everybody well already.
And it will ease her adjustment to you and your adjustment to her a great deal.
That is the advice I give to all of my host families and it is working very well for them.
mv

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By: Rayann

Rayann — Fri, 01 May 2009 13:31:43 +0000

Jenny,

I want to second what Dawn said about keeping in touch. AP and I emailed back and forth almost every day, and I think it really set the groundwork for a great relationship. It was really just unconsequential stuff “How was your day?” and telling her what we were all up to. I think it gave her a feel for what our life was like when I was telling her about the things we were doing as a family and reassuring her about how excited we were to meet her. It also reassured me because I got to know her as a person, and learned her likes and dislikes.

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By: PA Mom

PA Mom — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 14:59:02 +0000

We have learned to the extent it helps other families that having an Au Pair with siblings of the same same as your children is quite helpful.

We have 2 girls and they can argue like no one but my college roommates all had sisters and it was much the same. I have found that Au Pair candidates who have a lot of sister or close cousin or roommate experience (like all girl boarding schools) bring a lot of tolerance, understanding and helpful hints to the house hold. Those girls without any knowledge of that age and experience struggle to understand the relationship and so don’t add value there. As the girls get older and they establish their relationship more this will be a less relevant quality – but for now, it’s one of the things I “look” for just like language skills and driving.

While I find over 21 easier for some things (car insurance, social things), I’ve had at least 2 au pairs who were under 21 while they were here and they have been “favorites”. The maturity and so on, is so dependent on the girl’s experience and her family’s approach that it can be hard to measure. I think that picking “S” seemed like the best choice for your situation. J will find a position quickly with another family – but it is hard to have to chose sometimes.

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By: Dawn

Dawn — Thu, 30 Apr 2009 12:43:55 +0000

Congrats on finalizing, Jenny! When will “S” arrive? Definitely keep us posted! In the meantime, I’d recommend trying to keep in semi-regular contact with her via email or Skype or whatever. We did that before our current AP arrived, and it really made a difference in terms of our comfort level once she arrived — we already felt like we knew each other pretty well, so it was almost like a “reunion” rather than a first meeting when she arrived.

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By: Jenny

Jenny — Wed, 29 Apr 2009 20:52:04 +0000

Hi All –
I wanted to first thank you for your help! Seriously, mostly you just confirmed all the reasons to go with my “gut” and helped me think through all of the reasons to choose “s” over “j”. Reasons I already knew. I’m HAPPY to say that we finalized our match with “S” today!! We are very excited, and so is she. I’m still nervous, but like A-Mom that will probably be the case until she is with us for a few weeks and I see that it is all going to be okay. Until the next thing….

Thanks again, what a wonderful group of women you are!

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By: TMK

TMK — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 18:03:55 +0000

Hi,
I have to agree with the above comments, my gut says go with S. She’s older and a hard worker, which for very small kids is really important. Now that my oldest is in middle school I am finding that AP’s with an emphasis in education are more important (homework help and knows the importance of good grades). But with younger kids a strong worker with a great attitude and a loving heart is the ideal pick for me.
You probably would be ok with either, just redefine what it is you truly need the most and THEN look at the two girls to see who could deliver it the best. What is it you need, it’s different for everyone, and probably one girl is better at it than the other.
Best Wishes

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By: Dory

Dory — Mon, 27 Apr 2009 15:59:20 +0000

We have a German au pair. When she showed up, she didn’t come out of her room for the entire first day because she missed her boyfriend so much. (This was supposed to be a “training” day, so my husband and I were home from work.) When our LCC called her and told her she needed to be “bonding” with the children, the au pair told the LCC she was second guessing her decision to become an au pair. It was terrible. Eventually, the au pair came out of her room and, after a couple of rocky weeks, became pretty good at taking care of the kids (when she wants to be, depending on her mood). My advice — the boyfriend is a deal breaker.

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By: Rayann

Rayann — Fri, 24 Apr 2009 13:56:48 +0000

I’ll give some of my “gut” reactions as well. I don’t think I’d go with an au pair that wasn’t 21 for the above mentioned reasons – most of the APs in our cluster are in their 20s, and they often go out to the bars/clubs together – they aren’t big partiers, but they do go out for a drink here and there. I think an under age AP might have trouble feeling left out of some of those activities. I think an AP with good work experience in the real world is important, too. Someone who has worked in the hotel industry successfully will be able to utilize those skills in helping to manage your household.

I don’t think I’d worry too much about “S” having not watched three kids at once – I’d be more concerned about an AP who has never watched kids for a full day. IMO, that’s one of the toughest parts – the long days, multiple days in a row.

Having read through your pluses and minuses, my instinct would be to go with “S”. But in the end, it needs to come down to what *you* feel – follow your gut on this one, and I don’t think you’ll be disappointed.

As for not being positive about either of them, don’t worry about that. Up until the day our AP was in our home, I was worried sick and had plenty of doubts. It wasn’t anything particular about her, she and I had clicked immediately through email and phone, but I was still nervous as it was our first AP experience. She has been with us for 9 months, is extending for another year, and we couldn’t be more thrilled with her.

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