I’m interested in how AP in England gets to 70 hrs…an hour daily to get the kids ready for school in the morning is 5 hours. Then the afternoons and evenings from say 3 to 9 each day…that makes another 30 hours. Add in a couple hours of daily tidying and shopping daily and you get 10 more hours. So I get 45. Unless you a literally not taking a break at all from 7 am to 9 pm, which would make you really quite an unusual AP, you would not be getting to 70 hours. I would think the quiet hours between 8 and 3, when you can do a bit of tidying, check your e-mail, watch some television, read a book, run to the store, make a salad, hoover a rug…all without much time pressure…doesn’t sound so bad to me. Honestly, I don’t want to sound mean, but I’d trade places with you. Unless they have a 10,000 sq ft mansion, how are you spending from 8-3 or 9-2 daily cleaning the place? It must be as clean as an operating room. Will people that messy even notice if you switch the floor cleaning from daily to once weekly?

For our APs, the 45 hours include the midday and evening meals. I think that’s pretty generous of me. So it bothers me when I get shortchanged at the fringes or when the AP really doesn’t put in much effort for a day. If only I could get paid to grocery shop in slow motion. If only I could get paid to fix and eat my own dinner. Someday, when our APs become mothers, and they try to wring maximum output out of every second of their days, and don’t dream of watching TV without also folding laundry or opening mail, then they will maybe look back at their AP days when they took hours to fold a single basket of laundry and think fondly of how hard they didn’t work.

It would be such a refreshing change to ever get an AP who had ambition and drive and who would actually derive a sense of joy from getting things done swiftly and in finding things that could be made better. Only once in 10 years, have I had an AP recognize that the linen closet was hopelessly disorganized and take the initiative to set it straight without a word from me. The others, sadly, are content to just stuff the towels and sheets in any open spot. Someday they will have their own linen closets. Until then, we HMs have to find ways to appreciate that at least we have help.

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Asking an AP to work more than that is just wrong, and in the US, illegal. By doing that, you start to build up bad feelings so that when the AP finally does leave, she doesn’t even look back. AP’s work hard, especially those with younger children, and overworking them is unethical.

@AP in England: You really should have a talk with your hosts. You are not a slave, a servant or a maid. If they need maid service, they need to hire a maid. One suggestion, if you are able, is to engage your children in helping to clean up. It will help their self-esteem and will help you get some additional things done. 70 hours a week is inhumane and you should speak up.

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I au pair for 2 children aged 8 & 11. I make sure they get up in the morning (at 7am) and we have breakfast together, then I drop them off at school and come home to clean and tidy…then to the farm shop to get bits for dinner then I have to pick up the children and care for them till bedtime and their mom comes home around 9pm. So I generally work 70hrs/ week. I have weekends to myself. I wouldnt have to work so much if the family wasnt so messy and untidy. I spend more time putting things away then anything else. I wash the floors every day as everyone walks through with shoes on. I do get paid more then most au pairs £160/week but sometimes the stress and the feeling like I am a slave is just not worth it. I have taught the children to do things for themselves and to tidy up, but it’s hard as the mother does not teach or support me. I can not wait till I get home in 79 more days.

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When we go out to eat in the evenings, we expect the kid’s dinner dishes to be done and the kitchen to be tidy, but we don’t expect that the AP will have spend the entire time doing chores. It depends on the AP – most have friends over and wait for us to get home to go clubbing.

Occasionally, an AP will ask if it’s okay to go to bed once she’s certain the kids are asleep and DD is hooked up to her feeding pump. It’s fine with me – she can hear DD whose room is right above her and my son knows where to find her. But even if she’s asleep – if the smoke detectors go off – she’s in charge and therefore working.

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To the original host mom – I’m sorry, but I think it’s ridiculous to not count time when the kids are asleep as working hours. If they can’t go out and are in charge of your kids, then they’re working.

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I think it’s great that you help out with stuff when out with the HF, but I can honestly tell you that many of my AP’s have gone out with us, and it has taken a LOOOOOONG time to train them/get them to the point where they offer to do anything while we’re out. In some cases it could be something as simple as offering to help carry the food (In a Fast food restaurant). Believe it or not, many of the AP’s I’ve seen never even offer to do that. I have tried to treat all of my au-pairs well, and to not try to expect too much. But some extra help when we’re out (an extra adult in attendance, not another child…) is sincerely appreciated, and makes me want to continue taking the AP with us.

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As far as the outings go, I help with my host family all the time when we go out. I’m never required to go with them, and they don’t require me to help when I’m there, but I respect my host family and I really like spending time with them, and I like helping. If you don’t respect your Au Pair, then I feel like you are going to run into problems with the way they treat you and your family.

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