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Both my au pairs were pre-matches: I found them myself in their home country via the Internet (the existing AP selection of agencies is of quite limited help for such small languages), but I made it quite clear in their written job descriptions and during the interview process that they would have to speak only “EE-ian” to my daughter when they were on duty (except maybe in some public playgroups when it might be necessary translate something into English); it was a requirement. Speaking English with my daughter was not an option for the AP; I could send her to a much cheaper local American daycare for that! During the pre-match process, I conducted the first telephone interview with the AP candidate in “EE-ian” myself; then my husband conducted the 2nd one in English.

I had APs for three years, from the age my daughter was 2 to 5 years old. I intentionally chose those years because I had read that those were the critical ones for language and vocabulary development, and I wanted to “front-load/immerse” her in an “EE-ian” environment before she started the American school system in English. (It was also easier to get a non-infant qualified AP after 2 years of age). The “AP as private language teacher” strategy worked quite well; as of 2 months ago, my daughter was much more fluent in “EE-ian” than English.

Now, I believe the “AP as private language teacher” strategy was enhanced by a couple of things. First of all, I wasn’t asking the APs to teach my daughter a new language; I had already been speaking it to her since her birth; they were just reinforcing (but they did a wonderful job, she sometimes has better vocabulary and expressions than I do!). Second, I intentionally didn’t send my daughter to American (English-language) preschool. Instead, she was essentially home schooled (or brought to local activities) with the “EE-ian” speaking AP, so she got around 40-45 “EE-ian” contact hours a week (+ mom evenings/weekends). Third, we also have contact with other EE-ian speaking people: my parents, a playgroup/Saturday school, and summer camps so my daughter sees other children/moms using the language.

In the past 2 months, however, since my daughter started American public school, and we no longer have an AP, my daughter has gone from a full-time “EE-ian” environment to full-time American English, and I am amazed at how quickly she seems to be forgetting her “EE-ian” and is addressing me in English, or in mixed-language sentences (“code switching”) – both things she never used to do. But I am assuming that as long as I keep up speaking “EE-ian” with her it will work out in the long run.

How was the experience for the two APs? Well, they both were mature (over 21) and already spoke excellent English, so improving their English here wasn’t as necessary as for other APs. The first had a degree as an English teacher; the second had spent several university semesters abroad. So my husband was able to communicate with them well, and I could trust them to handle public situations and emergency situations in English well. Even though my cultural heritage goal was for the APs to speak “EE-ian” for my daughter, I don’t think I would have been as comfortable with them taking my daughter on long day trips on trains if their English wasn’t functional..

How did we handle communication at home? When the APs were on duty, and my daughter was within hearing distance, I always spoke only “EE-ian” to the APs, so my daughter would hear 2 adults speaking in the language; it was also nice for me and good practice. In the evenings, if my husband was present, he and I would speak English to the AP over dinner or at house meetings. If my husband was not present, it would depend; one AP (the teacher) wanted to practice English so she and I would sometimes speak in English; for the other it was not so important, she was more comfortable speaking with me in EE-ian.

I always wrote the daily instructions in the family log to the AP in English, so my husband could also read them, and I asked the AP to write her daily notes or memories of the day with my daughter in English, it was good practice. However, as my daughter’s speech developed, if she said a new word or interesting phrase, I asked the APs to record it in whichever language my daughter spoke. Especially at the beginning, because I was worried that the bilingual situation was delaying my daughter’s overall speech development, so once a week at hosue meetings the AP and I would literally write down and count every word or word-like sound my daughter said.

For me, I think the level of trust, intimacy, and sense of family was greatly enhanced by the fact that I understood (somewhat) the country, language, and culture from where the AP came. I had my relatives in that country interview them both during the pre-screening process. Personally, it was also nice to have another adult in the household with whom I could converse in my first (although not best) language; I miss that now that the AP is gone; my daughter’s not quite at that level yet!

I was also able to introduce both APs to the local “EE-ian” community, so there were some other APs from that country here they could occasionally meet with etc.

For the APs I think it was both comforting and yet maybe they regret that they didn’t get an American enough experience. We certainly tried to facilitate opportunities for them to speak and learn English inside and outside the household and meet “real Americans” (my husband’s family?) etc. The first AP (the teacher) took a variety of English and English literature courses to enhance her skills and then also volunteered as an English tutor at the local library. The 2nd AP traveled a lot so got good geographical exposure to the cultural variety of this country.

We need a break from a “stranger” living in our house for a while, but I’m quite open to the idea of a Spanish-speaking student living in our house for the summer at some point in the future etc…

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If you are only open to au pairs from one country, and you do end up in rematch and are looking for in-country au pairs, you’ll find your choices are severely limited. So if you’re going to do this, do yourself a favor and have a backup plan that allows time to get a new out-of-country au pair in case something goes wrong.

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We have had one german and one swedish au pair. They love learning the signs from the kids and the kids love learning phrases and words in the au pairs’ languages as well.

We don’t push Swedish on our boys but they will often say to our au pair, “how do you say _____ in Swedish?” She interacts with them in English and her friends in Swedish and/or German (depending on which friends).

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We then moved countries, to an area with scarce childcare provision, and decided to try the au pair route. We couldn’t be happier. DS, who was less than a year old when our first au pair joined us, started speaking our home language soon thereafter (he also goes to day care a couple of days), and our DD made tremendous progress in German as well, now speaking both languages reasonably well (she mixes a lot of English into her German, but once immersed in Europe, her German is actually good and age appropriate).

So yes, we are using our AP in this capacity and we don’t feel bad about it. We completely disclose what we expect. Her exposure to English is still very high, even when she spends time with the kids, as they are involved in many activities, all of which are in English. On a side note, I found found all three of our German au pairs to be extremely reliable and capable, and we are very pleased overall with how things are working out, so the requirement has not worked against us at all.

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With our 2nd au pair, we made it clear that we really valued the opportunity for our kids to continue to learn portuguese, and that my college studies of it weren’t going to suffice. We made her a deal: if she spoke exclusively portuguese to the kids, she could keep the new notebook computer we had just purchased for her use. Voila! Instant enthusiasm from her. And now she loves it – the kids absolutely understand her, although they usually answer back in english, but have begun spouting some portuguese. She is thrilled. And we speak only english to her and also loaded some english software for her, as well.

It’s working great for us after we learned to set expectations better. And, two of my sisters-in-law, who have degrees in ESL & immersion education, made the point that having our young kids have 45 hours of childcare weekly by someone with really fractured english would actually be teaching them poor english – well, it doesn’t sound very PC, but I thought it was a great point. This way, they are learning portuguese from a native speaker, and english from us – native speakers.

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P.S. Spain & Mexico have stronger drivers that the rest of South America in our experience. I visited Venezuela, Argentina & Colombia several times for work & many young people rarely drive – since it’s expensive to own/share a car.

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First – DC HostMom – thanks for that book reco. I just ordered it as well.

I totally agree that there are conflicting goals when the au pair is here to learn English and the host family wants her to speak her native language. We, also, include the expectation that she’ll speak to the kids only in her native language (always French) in our initial intro letter, and bring it up several times during the interview, and include it in the host family handbook. I only speak English with her. My husband, who is French but speaks fluent English, speaks whatever the au pair wants.

For families that are truly dedicated to raising bilingual children, the strategy of speaking a language intermittently won’t work. There are essentially two approaches to raising bilingual kids – 1) the whole household speaks the minority language, and the kids pick up the majority language in school, at the park, etc., or 2) each adult only speaks one language to the kids. My family goes with 2), because although I speak French, I have an American accent and don’t want to pass on bad habits. I also don’t know “kid-speak” in French, like lullabies and that kind of thing, and didn’t want it to get in the way of communicating with my kids.

So following that, it would be confusing for the au pair to speak one language at one time and another language at another time.

Upside for the kids: My kids are 14 months old and although they’re not speaking yet (bilingual kids sometimes have delayed speech) it’s obvious that they clearly understand both languages. So cool.

Upside for the au pair: It’s a little gentler introduction for those who are less sure of their language abilities. We admittedly did all of the interviews in French this time around, because we wanted to get to know the au pair more than we wanted to assess her language abilities. I talk more than everyone else in the household combined (LOL) and I only speak English with her once she gets here (started with emails immediately following the interviews) so she’ll definitely still be learning English. She’ll also speak English at playdates, the park, etc.

Downside for the family: CC Host Mom – your concerns are absolutely valid. Definitely listen to what your LCC says about certain countries, and evaluate how important the language is to you in comparison to that. Our LCC said that she almost always has problems with French au pairs. And well, that was true with our first au pair as well. I say this as someone who is married to a French man and wants to get French citizenship as soon as I get a moment and speaks fluent French – French girls don’t necessarily make the best au pairs. For us, we’re willing to work around that because the language is so important. But you need to make that decision for yourselves. If you truly do decide it’s worth it, then I would definitely try to match at a time of year when there are a lot of au pairs in the pool, and interview a lot before you select. And be willing to spend more time working things out and making more compromises elsewhere.

Downside for the au pair: Of course, not as many opportunities to speak the language of the country.

If anyone has other specific questions feel free to ask…

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