Long-time AuPairMom readers know that we rarely discuss bad behavior between au pairs and male host parents, for two reasons:
- There actually isn’t that much (especially compared to other kinds of problems), and
- Posts with certain words draw really creepy spammers that I hate to have to deal with.
That said, there might be situations where there’s no foul play, but just lots of awkward behavior by the au pair.
What’s an effective way to respond when an au pair’s behavior is simply too flirtatious?
Here’s the story:
Has anybody dealt with au pairs being wildly flirty?
We recently went into rematch with our third au pair.
Soon after arriving from Europe, this au pair began pawing at my husband, cat calling out the window to him and sending him cutesy private texts. She also seemed rather competitive with me (not ever paying compliments, never laughing at my jokes, etc.), and I couldn’t figure out if this flirtatious behavior was part of a competitive thing with the other grown female in the house (me), or if she was truly trying to land my man.
Wee sat her down and asked her to please stop this behavior. She became very upset and said she had no idea what we were taking about, then she left the room crying.
Needless to say, this was weird for all of us, but she was extremely good with the kids, so we wanted things to work out.
Time went by and I thought we all had recovered fairly well from the awkwardness. She began honoring boundaries with my husband, etc.
But then she started acting entitled and additude-y, and as if caring for our children was simply an affront to her social schedule. In tears after a tough day with the kids (they’re 5 and 10), she told us she would now need weekends off. We told her no. She asked for a rematch.
Has anybody been through anything like this? Frankly, it has our heads spinning.
~ Anti-Flirt Host Mom
A-F HM followed up later with this addition:
Reflecting back and looking for warning signs, t here was NOTHING about this au pair that seemed flirty or inappropriate when we were interviewing her. Nothing. That’s what’s scary.One thing I’ve learned in all this is: I will be specific with future au pairs on messaging. I’ll let them know that all messaging should happen either between me and the au pair, or me, the au pair and my husband. Never just: au pair and husband.I’ll probably explain this as: “Oh, HostDad is so busy and distracted at work, it makes no sense to only message him. Always keep me in the loop, otherwise things will fall through the cracks because he’ll forget to pass them on.”
~~~~~~~~~ Check out the caption on this image of the Anti-Flirt Club member, by Tom Wigley from Flickr
February 27, 1923. “Miss Alice Reighly, 1409 Harvard Street, president of Anti-Flirt Club, which has just been organized in Washington, D.C., and will launch an ‘Anti-Flirt Week’ beginning March 4. The club is composed of young women and girls who have been embarrassed by men in automobiles and on street corners.” National Photo Company Collection glass negative.