Searching through the racks of Mother’s Day cards looking for something just right for my step-mom and mother-in-law, I noticed just how many Mother’s Day cards there are these days for people who aren’t mothers:

“You’re like a Mother to Me”
“To a special person on Mother’s Day”
“Celebrating you for all you do”

It made me wonder– how many host families get a card for their Au Pair on Mother’s Day?

In some ways, celebrating your chidcare provider on Mother’s Day is a bit offensive inappropriate. After all, a childcare provider isn’t a mother. Suggesting that s/he is in some way like a mother simultaneously demeans the role of the actual mother and demeans the role of the childcare provider.

Your childcare provider cares for your children in her or his own special way, without needing to be some kind of “mother substitute”.

Moreover, a Mother’s Day card for a childcare provider seems especially odd when that person is a man. It’s easier to presume that childcare is “like mothering” since it’s usually done by women. But that leaves out the loving care that Mannies offer.

Not to mention — a childcare provider isn’t a father substitute either. On Mother’s Day, we don’t celebrate fathers who are actively involved in childcare and ‘helping the mom out’, do we? So what does it say about how we think of ‘mothering’, if we’re offered cards for females who are not moms, but not for men who are not moms and dads who are not moms, yet who contribute to children’s physical and emotional care? But I digress…

On the other hand, though, it’s not like we have a Childcare Provider Day, Nanny Day, or Au Pair Day, when we all collectively celebrate the ways in which au pairs lovingly care for our children and contribute to their lives.

And with cards available to celebrate those “special people” on Mother’s Day, maybe we should just give in and use the day to be generous in our appreciation?

(Hello Hallmark? There’s an opportunity there.)

So let’s hear it Host Moms and Dads. 

Au Pair Somebody posed this question on a different post, and I’m repositioning it here, along with the responses from the APM community. Please join the conversation!

Well this is my situation and I am so pissed off because it took me by surprise!

My host family decided to move from Colorado to Virginia in road trip. We are suppossed to leave colorado the first week of June. I did not know this as it just happened suddenly as a better job opportunity for my host family.

I have 2 months left to finish my 2 years as an ua pair and I had practically planned my travel months already.

My concern — what makes me angry — is that they not only told me this when I had everything booked, but also they told me that they “hope” I can pay for my own hotel room and have one of the kids with me while we are on our way to Virginia. It is going to be aprox. 5 weeks travelling because they want also to sightsee the national plarks around and have me on duty.

Also, 5 months ago we went on a family trip to Utah for vacation. I did not really work but I helped some with stuff. I had to share my room with one of the boys and pay 30% of the room cost. Was that fair? Can I still complain…? about the flexibility PFFFF hahaha what does that word mean? I think flexibility only works for host families we ap or at leats me are treated like slaves, I am pretty sure that If my host mom could have me working 24/7 she would do it… dont even ask about extra payment.. that is a paralel universe for me

I can not consider rematch because no family will want an au pair for 55 days, I do not know what to do and I do not think is fair to pay for my hotel room when I will vto work, we will not be on family vacactions, I will share room with the kids, I have almost all my flights and hotels for my travel month booked, my flight back home already booked, and I still have a vacation week left to take.

Please how can I wisely deal with my horrible situation?

LuvCheetos:   
I’d call your LCC. They have an obligation to provide you with housing. Presumably, if they have no house and are living in a hotel, they need to provide you with a room.

Dorsi:

I would never consider having the AP pay for any portion of housing unless the trip was truly optional. In 4 years of hosting, I can’t think of a single instance where it would have been fair for them to contribute to the cost — and I have travelled a lot with the APs.

What somebody describes is really unfair. I hope the LCC can help her sort it out, though I would worry that a family that would do that (and hasn’t been so kind, according to your description) would elect to just finish the program early and not worry about you.

HRHM:
So this trip and the UT thing are 2 totally different cases. In the UT trip, it was a vacation week for you, you knew that when you decided to go and I presume they told you before you got to UT that you would need to pay your own way? As far as the HC sharing your room and you getting some money for that, I would assume that that was negotiated as well? I would say you had a choice to say no, I’ll pay for the whole room and have it to myself, or if you want HC to stay with me, we need to split 50/50 (or 66/33 if 2 kids with AP). If these things didn’t happen this way, it was likely due to you not asking for what you needed. I understand the imbalance of power in the relationship, but you can’t expect to get something unless you ask for it, no matter how uncomfortable that may be.

As for the move, I agree that it is pretty lousy to tell you about this move after you’ve made final travel arrangements. Hopefully they really didn’t know about it until it was too late to accomodate your flights. If this is the case, and they can afford it, it would be nice if they helped you changed your flights and tried to cover the cost difference.

If they want you to work during this 5 week trip, they are obligated to provide you with a place to live. Not only do they have to pay for your hotel, but technically, the state department rules require that the Au Pair has her own room. I wouldn’t nit pick this detail normally on vacation, but 5 weeks is a long time to have no privacy. If I were you, I would also get a written schedule in advance since it is very easy to fall into the trap of not being on duty but being expected to help 24/7 because you are there.

Talk to your LCC

TACL:
I agree with you – if they are asking you to work during the move, then they should pay for the hotel room. If they cannot afford to bring you along, then they should make other arrangements (e.g. pay for your flight from Colorado to Virgina). They absolutely cannot ask you to pay for your room and have you share it with a child!

Sit down with them after the kids have gone to bed and negotiate. Don’t whine, calmly explain that you do not have the resources to pay for hotel fees for 5 weeks (it would be an unreasonable request under any circumstance). While I personally would not ask an au pair to share a hotel room with one of my children (and have wedged DH, myself and 2 kids into a tiny room to prove it), I understand that not all HF can afford a separate room when they travel.

Negotiate. If you travel with them from Colorado to Virginia then you understand that you are trapped and do not have down time. You will be pitching in and helping on a daily basis (mainly because you’re trapped in the car with them) and because you’ll be sharing a room with at least one child. In return, you want them to pay for your hotel room and 100% of your meals.

This is a good time to negotiate down time. Obviously your 1 1/2 days off a week go out the window, but be good humored about it. Are there any places between Colorado and Virginia you would be interested in seeing? Now’s the time to put in a request. Is it possible that the kids could have a movie in their room for a couple of hours so you could have some quiet time to yourself, say 1 or 2 nights a week?

I am not telling to put cash into this trip, but to be flexible and adventurous. Also, don’t think of it as a vacation. That you get in your travel month. It’s a family trip.

What else can you offer? Think about your options.

Somebody:

Thanks you very much I called my LCC today as after the talk with my HF they seemed dissapointed that I am not “willing to be flexible” with them. As for the utah trip, well those were they vacactions not mine, while they were hiking at Arches National Park, I was doing kids laundry at the hotel, when I complained about it because I was also paying they told me we were gonna do something I like to do after that, but Gues what?? we got out of time :S …

Blogging gurus advise that, if you’ve been absent from your blog and not posting for a while, that you shouldn’t worry about it OR apologize for being MIA.  But for me, it feels like the longer I go without a post, or without an explanation or a comeback plan, the worse it feels.

Long time readers know that my contributions to the blog get less frequent when I’m really busy at work, and get more active when I’m trying to procrastinate re: work. These past several weeks some big presentations, a research project, the end of the semester, and most recently 70 student projects to grade — not to mention the guilt — have kept me away.   I’ll be back soon, I swear.

Thanks for keeping things together with each other.  More soon, cvh.

“I Vant to Be Alone” ~ Greta Garbo

As the famous film actress explained, sometimes a wo/man needs a break.

A grown-up’s “time out”.

A moment of quiet, in her own kitchen, with a cup of tea and no one asking her to explain yet again how the microwave works.

You’ve been there, I know. We all have.

Interestingly, when Garbo said she wanted to be alone, no one around Garbo took it personally. Instead, they saw it as part of her glamour, her mystery, her savoir faire. They thought her abiity to state her need, clearly and simply, made her cool.

Even better, they gave Garbo that time to herself.

When it’s becoming overwhelming and you need some time to yourself to decompress, “pull a Garbo”.

Tell your au pair that you just want some time to yourself.

Explain that it’s a Garbo thing, a way for you to sustain your glamour and your mystery as a host mom.

If your au pair knows you want to be alone, and understands that you need to be alone, s/he’s more likely to leave you alone.

And you can enjoy that damn People magazine without anyone asking whether you really think Jennifer Anniston is pregnant.

Ah, young love.

One joy of having an au pair in your home is that you get to relive (however vicariously) the drama, adventure and sometimes romance that your au pair entangles herself in.

You hear about the handsome guy/beautiful girl your au pair met, you offer your opinion on what outfit to wear for that first date, and you hope for the best, for your au pair’s sake.

But, being a parent, and likely having a bit more life experience, you can see things that your au pair does not.

For example, you can see that the wonderful guy/gal s/he met is leading her or him on. It’s not the real romance of your au pair’s dreams.

Nope, this is just some  American intrigued by your au pair’s accent, flirtiness, or sense of adventure.

So what do you do when your think that your au pair is in over her head?

Seeing things through rose-colored glasses?

Being taken in by the sweet talk and promises, when you feel pretty confident that her/his new friend is just taking advantage?

Consider the situation facing one of our longtime readers and contributors, who shall remain without her screen name to sustain her privacy.

This host mom has given lots of critical, wise advice, and how she needs the same from us. Here’s her situation:

Dear CV — File this one under “How much bubble-bursting is my responsibility as a host mom?”

I know, I know, the au pair year is supposed to be a year of phenomenal growth, but I’m torn between wanting to let this 19 year old make her own mistakes and wanting to scream:

“This guy who is 10 years older than you is just playing! He CAN’T come with you when you go back home!”

“He’s on active duty! Didn’t he tell you that he could be called on a tour of duty at any time? And where did you meet him, Facebook?

We talked with him; has no plans to go to college (unlike you)!

And your English isn’t good enough to understand me 100%, so how do you trust that you understand what he is saying (lying/leading you on)?! He doesn’t speak your language, and you don’t speak his nearly as well as you think you do.”

But I can’t say all that, at least not that way.

Yes, I get it, I totally agree that he is hunky. I imagine he seems SO mature to you, since he has traveled so many places (and seen so many ports, I might add.).

“BUT YOU’RE NOT EVEN OLD ENOUGH TO BUY A DRINK! What are you doing?!”

How do I approach this without sounding dismissive of her ability to take care of herself? In truth, I am seriously concerned — she is the single most naive au pair we’ve ever had.

How much do I hang back vs counsel?

Some important background: This Au Pair’s English is so challenging that I have not had the energy in the evening to have very many chats with her.  Usually she runs off to Skype anyway after dinner. Since this guy appeared she is gone all weekend, so there’s not a lot of chance to just weave this into casual conversation when my kids aren’t listening.

I appreciate the wisdom of the aupairmom blog! You can tell I’ve been slammed at work by the slide in my contributors’ ranking… I really didn’t need to add mothering a teen to my bucket of worries…

But what does everyone think I should do?

Image: Love Art Print on wood, by Sascalia. For sale on Etsy.

In the seasons of the Au Pair year, there often comes a time after The Honeymoon and All Systems Go, but before On the Way Out, when some au pairs hit The Minimum Viable Performance.

(Sometimes, though not always, this is paired with The Slough of Not Giving a Shit  Not Caring Anymore.)

During The Minimum Viable Performance phase, your au pair stops trying to improve, stops trying to grown, stops taking pride in her or his work, stops even keeping up the appearance of doing a good job, and only does just enough that you don’t send her/him into rematch.

The Minimum Viable Performance  period is a dangerous time for host parents– we aren’t sure what to do, and we are often tempted to settle for less than what we’d hoped.

What can you do when your au pair stops doing a good job?

Host parents usually take one of two paths to respond to the MVP. They either (1) start picking up all the slack themselves, or (2) they start working on the performance issues of the au pair.

Pick up the Slack

If you start by picking up the slack yourself, or by lowering your standards, you usually build up a huge amount of resentment. Then, you erupt at an inappropriate moment, getting pissed at your au pair, and feeling so resentful that it’s hard to repair the relationship. And, on the way to this eruption, you’re probably grumped to your partner and all your friends. This is not a great way to go.

Work on Performance Issues

The other path takes steps to address the au pair’s performance.

First, Host Parents respond to the Minimum Viable Performance by treating the performance issue as though it stems from the au pair not knowing what s/he is supposed to do. Often, s/he and the HP’s describe this as ‘forgetting’ what’s expected.

What we do:  HPs remind the au pair, retrain the au pair, leave lists of things that need to get done, and so on. They take a logical, information-based approach to the problem.

This seems to be a fair way to go, since it is technically possible that s/he forgot or doesn’t know. And, sometimes simply making it clear that the performance isn’t up to par and that you have noticed will embarrass the au pair into doing a better job. Plus, when in doubt, it works best to assume that your au pair wants to do a good job and wants to be appreciated.

When this doesn’t work, some Host Parents shift to focus on the emotions that they think might be behind the au pair’s behavior.

Host parents try to diagnose the MVP as something that stems from not being appreciated, having ‘short timers’ syndrome’, being distracted by their social life, and so on.

What we do:  Host parents have a heart-to-heart talk about the poor performance, and try to draw the au pair out. They focus on (emotional) motivations like taking pride in her or his work or doing a good job as a role model for the kids. They appeal to the au pair’s highest personal expectations, and sometimes they can get the au pair back on track.

There are additional steps to take next, but I’m going to leave it up to you readers to unfold these in your comments, below.

And, to help you out, here are not one but two examples of Host parents with this issue: Newbie Host Mom and Host Mom of Lazy AP...

From Newbie Host Mom:

I’ve been a reader of AuPairMom for a while and I am a first time host mom to a 21 yr old. She’s been here almost 5 months now and for the most part it’s going well, at least in terms of everyone getting along.

My question, I guess, is how to deal with her increasing laziness. When she first arrived she was very into the job, gung-ho, and would do things that she has let slide now. For example, the kids beds and their rooms. She used to make them nice and neat and make sure the rooms were tidied up. Or be up promptly at 7AM to help me get them ready for school.

Now, I see the bedsheets thrown sloppily together (i.e. today she didn’t notice there were no sheets on my younger son’s bed due to a mid-night accident, and did not replace the sheets, but merely put the spread back over a mattress pad).

She gets up at 7:15-7:20ish, goes gets lunches ready and doesn’t bother to come upstairs to help me get them ready any more. Many times I’ll find her dishes all around the house (cups, plates, etc.) from her meals not put away in the dishwasher. She minimally cleans up after them after they eat (i.e. crumbs and food everywhere), and doesn’t put a real effort into my son’s lunchbox like she used to. I have to remind her a lot to do things or put things away, or the like. It’s tiring.

Often I will find her watching a lot of TV, surfing the web, Netflix or shows streaming from her laptop. My children state that sometimes when they are downstairs playing, she’ll accompany them down there, and be with them, but spend the time on her laptop and not be interacting with them. A few months ago, I did confront her because she was letting them go down there and then spending the time upstairs on her computer. I asked her to not use the computer during working time, and so, according to my 6 year old, she now takes her laptop with her down there. The router is out in the open, and I’m not sure how to lock it down during the day.

She does a lot of playdates with other German au pairs, and their children. Particularly with my younger son during the time before she picks up the older son. From what I gather, the kids play while the two au pairs chat (one time they were playing in the yard while the au pairs watched from the deck). I’ve watched her when she is at the playground with my children (from afar) and she sits down at a bench while my children run around and play. I am disappointed that she doesn’t interact as much with my children.

I guess I’ve seen a slide in effort and more and more laziness and lack of caring in taking care of stuff. I’m not sure how to approach it. I’ve asked her to do certain things, and she does fix those certain things LITERALLY. She doesn’t make the jump connection to related issues.

I really don’t want to rematch with her, but I would like some times to try to get the spark back / reduce the laziness. Perhaps she feels things can slide…or perhaps I need to speak up more. I do say things when I know she’s supposed to do things and doesn’t or correct things, but perhaps I should be doing more. She has mentioned that she loves it here and how great it is, and how she’s thinking of extending, but more and more, I’m thinking of not extending with her.

From Host Mom of Lazy AP:

Our au pair just gets lazier and lazier.

She no longer cleans up the playroom or puts the kids laundry away. I think she thinks that clothes and toys put themselves on shelves and in drawers?

She has complained that she doesn’t like how I talk with her when I bring up her tasks, but honestly I’m pretty annoyed. She also tells me she thinks that the children should be responsible for cleaning their rooms and putting their laundry away. This is fine, but someone has to take responsibility for letting it done. That should be her and not me.

There are many other things she’s not doing, including not washing her dishes, cooking only the most simple meals for the kids, and letting them watch too much tv. What should I do to get her to care? Is there anything that works?

See also:

Almost-done Au Pair Refuses to Work Weekends!

R.T.F.M.: Making Sure Your Au Pair Reads the Family Manual

Dear Prospective Au Pairs — always always always check out an offer you receive that does not come through an approved, well-known au pair agency.

There are too many scammers out there who seem to be offering great positions, but who in fact just want to lure you into sending them money.

Last week we got an email from Katrina, an au pair who was just about ready to send money:

“Their lawyer emailed me a contract and i signed it, but now..they are asking me to make a deposit of “the stipulated financial requirement of 750 00GBP via any Western Union/money gram agent”.

She went on to write:

“I’m confused a little, because 750 00GBP-is $1,200 00USS. I do have this amount and i’m ready to pay. But I am not sure that I’ll be in able to stay in the UK… what if I have some documentation problems? Would I lose the whole amount?”

Of course, I did a quick search on some of the language that this au pair candidate quoted in her email, and came up with these two versions of an au pair scam.

http://www.aupair-world.net/index.php/security/scam/examples/

http://www.scamwarners.com/forum/viewtopic.php?f=4&t=29065&p=77987

Then there’s the other common scam, where a really nice host dad or mom posts a position on some open jobs board or au pair chat page. We just had someone post this scam on the blog this week!

I am Mr Declan Carter, 45 Years Old from United Kingdom I work as an Engineer manager in United Kingdom and I don’t usually stay home unless during weekends. My contact address is 108 Spring Avenue, Hampton Vale, Peterborough, Cambridgeshire. PE7 8HW and my phone number is +447024085632. I will like you to know that I have just two kids which names are James and Mark and there ages are 3 years and 5 years old.I want an Au-pair nanny for them because they are the only one left at home after their Mother divorced me for another man…I want you to know that i am very happy to hear from you again which shows that you are eager to join my family and i bet you;you wont regret being with my family..I have a very loving family & will welcome the right candidate & make them feel very welcome and respected in my house.
declan.carter2012@aol.com

Many folks would see right though the bad grammar and odd information in this posting, and recognize it as a scam. But if English is not your primary language, and if you are naive, gullible, or hopeful, it’s all to easy to think this is real.

Heck, back in 2001 I almost opened a back account for a nice Nigerian man who needed help transferring funds out of the country. That was before there were so many pages listing scam after scam so that we could check before we acted on an offer that seemed too good to be true. Now, we know to check (right?)

Here’s what I replied to Katrina–

Karina–

DONT SEND THEM MONEY!!!!!!!  THis is a scam, a way to cheat young women out of their money. Here is a link to an explanation –

http://www.aupair-world.net/index.php/security/scam/examples/

DONT SEND THEM MONEY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If you want to be an au pair in the UK, find a reputable agency. I repeat, find an agency with a good reputation.

best of luck to you–

cvh aka au pair mom

The typos and all those exclamation points might have made her wonder if I was legit, but let’s hope she takes my advice.

Image: Bike Scam ?? Some rights reserved by disrupsean

Is there an age past which an Au Pair candidate is just “too old” for you to consider?

We got a note from OlderAP asking:

Would Host Families consider accepting an older au pair?

I am 26 years old. I graduated from university with MSc, extremely good grades, and have childcare experience with children aged 3 days to 6 years. I have lived on my own for five years and spent extended periods abroad in Europe, as well as Africa and the Middle East.

I’m probably a bit more independent and confident in new cultures than an 18 or 19 year old.

But I wonder if host families would think that I am too independent? Would they see my age as an advantage or feel that the relatively small age difference between the HF and AP could impinge on the “spirit” of the program. Maybe think that there is something wrong with the AP that, instead of finding a “good” entry level job she would choose being an AP?

While I have a good education, the job prospects in my country are not very good right now. And, I still want the chance to strengthen my English and broaden my life experience before I start a “career”.

I’d love to know what host families think about an older au pair.

Probably the biggest downside to the extension option is the possibility for a mismatch between the family’s interest in extending and the au pair’s interest in extending.

When both sides don’t clearly share the same expectation, someone is bound to get disappointed. And, when people are disappointed, they often withdraw from a relationship and leave the whole thing to disintegrate.

Disappoint an au pair who was hoping for an extension, and you might be facing a sullen, unmotivated au pair for the rest of the year.

If you have an au pair who’s only okay, or one who really isn’t able to meet your needs, you absolutely don’t want to extend with her/him. But, if this very same au pair would herself/himself like to extend, how do handle possibly dissapointing the au pair when you still have several months before the end of the au pair’s time with you?

Usually, your best option when you can’t (or won’t) do what your au pair is hoping for is to “blame the system“.

1. Find something that really is an obstacle but that has nothing to do with your au pair or is simply beyond your au pair’s control.

2. Present that as the reason for not extending, and then there is no one to blame and not option to try to dissuade you.

For example, “Next year, we need an au pair who can drive on the highway to take DearChild to soccer games twice a week.” Or

“We’re planning to take our au pair with us on a long trip outside the USA, and we don’t want to take the chance that you’ll be denied re-entry into the US.”

TexasThreeTimeHostMom wrote with this concern, and shared the details of her situation. She’s pretty sure her au pair is not going to take this well.

Our au pair has been with us for 3 months. We’re her second family (she was a rematch). She’s 26. She thinks she is quite good at English but we struggle with her understanding simple instructions (we’re writing everything down if it is important!). Our au pair is very focused on using people/activities as a means to her ends rather than connecting…i.e. this person is a good friend for me because he is an English teacher. And, our two children are still not fond of the au pair. They do ok together during the day, but their bond is not strong during off hours/family time.

I have explained in detail that our au pair that she needs to be ready to engage our twins when we hand them off to her in the morning, but the children and the au pair struggle frequently with morning transitions. Instead of finishing her breakfast or preparing snacks for later, we want the au pair to engage the kids to prevent the standard 2 year old temper tantrum when mom and dad leave.

Our au pair is also a poor driver. She claimed she has a drivers license from a different US state in her previous placement, and she claimed that she was a frequent driver for 5 years. Not the case…turns out her home family has never even owned a car (OMG how did I not get this during our interviews?). Because she’s really not a strong driver, we’ve significantly limited places she can go with our children.   I paid over $300 for driving lessons when she rematched with us, to no avail.

Long story short, we’re getting through it, but we’re not thrilled. We’re looking forward to getting a new au pair at the end of July when our current au pair’s time is up.

Here’s my challenge – I am 100% sure I do not want to extend with her, and I’m pretty sure she wants to extend. She’s made friends here and we’re really a good placement – two kids, car access, nice home, short work week, generally friendly.

On top of this, my husband and I are coming up on a unique 10 week sabbatical from work. We’ve so been hoping to have a helpful and fun au pair to travel with us – we’re going out of the country and on a US driving trip.

I need to tell our au pair soon that we don’t want to extend, but I want her to be happy and helpful (as much as possible) so we don’t end up frustrated and annoyed during the rest of her time with us. We don’t have time to rematch right now to take the risk on another mess before our time off.

My husband and I have discussed different approaches as to telling her why we don’t want to extend, including:

“We want our daughter sto learn Spanish or Portuguese” (true, but not the main reason),

“We think, at 26, and you being a smart and motivated woman, you will not be challenged enough during another year of caring for a 2.5 year old and it is time to move on.” (also likely true, but something she can deny), or t

The brutal truth which I think is only likely to cause her heartache and us challenges over the next four months – we really need an au pair who connects with our children and is a safe, experienced driver.

I would love advice and insight from host moms who have been here and done this already!

How can I tell her that we are satisfied with her today (really, its not going to get that much better) but we do not want to extend and it is time to move on?

Thanks in advance for your ideas – TexasThreeTimeHostMom

Image: Texas Some rights reserved by xTrish

Dear AuPairMom-

We are on a 4 month sabbatical in Cape Town, SA and we have a great local nanny here. We’d like to bring her back with us to our home in Brooklyn, NY in April.

Can this be done?

Can we avoid the agencies/sponsors?

Dear CapeTownHostMom-

Yes, you can bring a caregiver from another country into the US as an au pair, provided that she/he meets the eligibility requirements of the US Dept of State’s Au Pair program.

However, to do this legally, you must use one of the approved Au Pair Agencies.

See: F.A.Q.: Must we use an Au Pair Agency to engage an Au Pair?

Some things to keep in mind when prematching –

• Agencies require that you and your (potential) au pair fill out all of the paperwork and fulfill all of the screening requirements that are required for the more conventional matching process. As the official facilitators of the US Dept of State program, the Agencies are legally on the hook to evaluate your au pair candidate and your family.

• Even when you know who you want as your au pair, it still takes time to complete the screening process and for your candidate to get a visa!

• Agencies usually offer prematch discounts. For example (not an endorsement), both AuPairUSA and Expert Au Pair have offered prematch discounts this year, ($600 and $500, respectively). You can and should negotiate with the Au Pair agency you choose to get the best discount possible. And, if you have the energy, it’s usually worthwhile to negotiate with more than one Agency and challenge them to beat the other Agency’s offer.

• You might be able to save money by avoiding the “domestic airfare surcharges”, otherwise known as the air travel from the au pair orientation site to your USA home. (Less likely to be valuable to you because you are in New York and thus near the Long Island and Ct. sites of several agencies’ orientations.) Some agencies (for example, Agent Au Pair) will allow you to arrange and directly pay for your au pair’s air travel to your home. Sometimes (but not always) you can find a ticket that’s less expensive than the tickets the agencies buy in bulk.

The Value of Pre-matching with an Au Pair

People hope that pre-matching will help them save money. After all, you’ve done the hard work of finding the candidate! But still, you much use (and thus pay) an agency to do things legally and protect yourself and you au pair.

Take heart, though, with the other ways that a prematch ‘saves’ your family. You’ll get an au pair you already know, who you already trust, who your kids already adore. Worth its weight in agency fees, I’d say.

See also: What the best way to Pre-Match with an Au Pair, before connecting to an Agency?

Note: The examples of agencies, above, are NOT recommendations. The examples are to nudge you to go look around for the agency that will best meet your needs.

image: Pretty woman, by gwilmore on Flickr