Earlier Posts

Just click on any month’s link, and you’ll get a list of all the titles of the posts for that month.

Even better, if you want to see everything , then click on ‘Expand All’.

[Note: The number in parentheses is the number of comments on that post. That lets you know what got other Host Moms and Dads, and Au Pairs,  talking!]

Rock on, Host Parents!

Expand All


Marav April 15, 2009 at 10:33 pm

I need an advice. Our Aupair pretty much ignores my 6 year old daughter. She takes care of my 7 m onth old son but hardly interacts with my daughter. Her interaction is limited to telling her what to do [like brush her teeth] and what she should not be doing [no talking since the baby is sleeping]. When my son is asleep, the aupair goes into her room and works on her computer. Meanwhile, my daughter [who is fairly independent ] plays on her own in her own room.. I have addressed this issue with the AuPair and she says my daughter doesn’t listen to her. Our Aupair has been with us for almost 5 months now. How should I make her interact with my daughter? I have tried involving her in my daughter’s activities such as art and craft etc. but she takes little or no interest.

MTR May 8, 2009 at 8:10 am

What happend to “My Au Pair is ruining my life…” post? I don’t see it anywere, but there are tons of comments for it.

Dawn May 8, 2009 at 8:55 am

LOL, M — I was wondering the same thing!

MTR May 8, 2009 at 9:14 am

Oh, good! So it’s not just me. :D

Calif Mom May 8, 2009 at 9:47 am

I bet CV pulled it to make it its own post.

CV May 8, 2009 at 10:29 am

You moms are so delightful it just cracks me up. I rescheduled the post for Monday, after my dear husband pointed out that it was kindof killing the happy buzz of Au Pair Appreciation week. Even after I countered that this one post would make 98% of host moms feel better about their own APs, he convinced me to save that one for a little later.
Still have an appreciation or two to post… and if any more come in…. :-)

Dawn May 8, 2009 at 11:52 am

ROFL! We keep you on your toes, huh? You can’t slip anything by us!! :)

Fiona August 10, 2009 at 10:43 pm

Hi – I have the same issue with our new Au Pair. We have 15 month old twins and our 7 year old is home from school. She reprimands my daughter but does not have any positive interaction with her. I have tried suggesting getting our daughter involved in teaching her some songs and reading books to the twins etc. Not sure what else to do – it is frustrating…

PA au pair mom August 10, 2009 at 11:42 pm

Same problem for me. Our au pair likes our younger son and plays with/interacts with him but ignores our older son (8) unless she is correcting or yelling at him. She even told me one time that she likes T much better than S. I told her that showing blatant favoritism was unacceptable but she still does it.

I force her to interact with S. I have her read with him and discuss what he reads. I have her take him places with just the 2 of them, like the library, to pick out books. If T is anywhere around, she will not even acknowledge S.

I feel badly for S because he quite clearly sees what is going on. He even said yesterday that he hopes our new AP (3 weeks away) will like him a little better than our current one does.

broke my heart.

AnonymousHostMom August 20, 2009 at 8:41 pm

Whoa – anonymous! Sounds like you have a personal ax to grind, and this is not the appropriate forum. There are dozens, if not hundreds, of au pairs and host parents who have learned much from this site. Most of your accusations are so outrageous that it’s barely worth my time and energy to even respond to you, but CVH is providing a wonderful, needed service that WE appreciate. If the APs truly don’t want to look after kids, as you state, then they are dishonest and deceitful for even considering this program. And yes, we know that learning the language is important too, which is why we want people in our families who can communicate with our children and us, without resorting to poor grammar and pronunciation, by the way.

Anna August 20, 2009 at 8:43 pm

Aahh, courageous disgrunted au pair, who didn’t even post her name…
Before your rant gets deleted, two things you should know:
1. The road to hell is paved with “the best intentions” as the saying goes
2. Judging by your tone and language, you should’ve never passed the psychological test for the au pair program, and hmm.. I figure you never did find a family who would let you “improve the bloody language”. Or … maybe… just maybe it is you who is not a good learner?
3. If you have a DEGREE, come from a GOOD FAMILY, and don’t care about kids, find another way to improve the language. Let your good family pay for it, so you don’t have to demean yourself by feeling like a maid. Sheesh.

Anna August 20, 2009 at 8:44 pm

oops, I couldn’t contain myself, it is now THREE things you should know. Still not too many, I hope you can manage it, after all, you have a DEGREE.

CoCa August 20, 2009 at 8:55 pm

Well, I say! Hell hath no fury like a disgruntled employee, isn’t that how the saying goes?

Anyway, I agree with the previous poster that this is not the appropriate forum, and I’ll try to refrain from making comments about how some seem to have found their language education not so much in the host family as in da hood.

What I will say, though, is that it’s a good thing this Anonymous character didn’t call MY husband a pain in the butt, or she might well live to regret having ever lived under our roof.

CV August 21, 2009 at 2:21 pm

Whoa. That was a real surprise! That comment is now ‘unapproved’ , although it remains nasty and meanspirited. Maybe this was the Flameout AP? whatever. I can line up 9 APs with different, first hand assessments.

PA au pair mom August 20, 2009 at 10:36 pm

Just shows how childish and immature she (or he) is.

Didn’t even have the nerve to post a name so CVH could “confront” her accuser.

Anonymous August 20, 2009 at 10:57 pm

I would like to apologize for everything that I said, actually I didnt mean all those things, I was really in a bad moment, and my life as an au pair isnt being easy, Sometimes I get frustraded with the treatment that some Aupairs get, and that’s not the case of this hostmother. I actually dont know this family enought to judge them. And about what I said about the husband, I just move foward what some Aps says about the host dads itself. So I hope the host from this blog to forgive-me, and let her now anything that I said was personal. Sometimes I just wish that the Apps could be more understood. That’s all. Once again hope u can forgive-me.

CV August 20, 2009 at 6:46 pm

Just so you know, although you did not identify yourself by name, you did narrow down the possibilities, since your IP address is from a particular county outside of the US.

PA au pair mom August 20, 2009 at 11:30 pm


everyone gets frustrated and upset. the key is to think before you speak (or type in this case).

TX Mom September 3, 2009 at 10:48 am

It looks like this blog is filling a void for AP’s too. It’s nice to have some perspective from the AP side, but I feel like the we are losing focus on the mission of this blog to share: “Advice about hosting an Au Pair, from and by Moms & Dads! We’re changing the world, one host family at a time…” How do other HP’s feel?

Momof2Girls September 3, 2009 at 1:53 pm

I agree, TX Mom. I can’t believe the long-winded diatribe from the protein-deprived AP in Finland (great example of why not to attempt this type of adventure on your own, without an agency if you aren’t prepared for culture shock!) It’s too bad that the links to sites by AuPairs themselves aren’t updated frequently. I would hope and suspect that those who might best be helped or need an outlet for venting are either already Tweeting and Blogging and Facebooking, or have found real, live social contacts in their communities or with their own LCCs.

NewAPMom September 3, 2009 at 2:20 pm

I actually kind of disagree. I like having the APs here because then they can provide input on HF problems as well. It’s nice we can all help each other. Plus I think it’s a bit of an eye-opener to see things from their side as well.

My 2 cents September 3, 2009 at 3:27 pm

I too like having the APs on here and solicited for their opinions. It gives me real insights, and I have to say the comments and suggestions from some of APs that are on here regularly are some of the best. In other cases it validates what I already know to be true — that sometimes conflict does really boil down to immaturity or lack of perspective/experience.

I think the way CV cut off the commentary in the one posting was a proper way to curb commentary once it becomes clear the AP may not be listening to advice (and more advice and more advice) and just wants to vent. I’m as miffed as anyone when an AP isn’t listening to repeated suggestions, but I don’t want to throw out the baby with the bath water either if you KWIM.

Busy Mom September 3, 2009 at 10:33 pm

In the original poll, I voted to continue to allow au pairs to post and I appreciate when they add flavor / the au pair perspective / information. I also appreciate when the au pairs clearly identify themselves as being au pairs in their posts. There were some posts in the vacation/room thread that I wasn’t sure about.

However, I would also agree that the au pair viewpoint has side has gotten to be a bit much lately, mostly because of the individual (I will not credit this person with actually being an au pair) who seems determined to comandeer this blog with her sob stories about food & children who are not potty trained. I personally suspect that the same individual has invented the entire situation and keeps reposting under different names simply…well, I can’t imagine any motivation other than to attract attention/be purposefully disruptive. Thank you, CV, for removing some of this person’s posts. I see them in my RSS feed, but they don’t seem to be left on the site for long.

Emma September 4, 2009 at 6:23 am

As an au pair, I like being able to read this blog and post on it because this site helped me to prepare before I left for what I was walking into (I found it online months before APing,) to understand what it’s like to be a HF and have a new person in your house, and to better understand when/where to ask questions before overstepping boundaries. I’ve searched the internet everywhere for useful sites like this aimed towards APs, but like Momof2girls said, they are few and far between, and those that do exist are rarely updated. Maybe when I have more experience as an AP under my belt I’ll start my own…

Also I agree that as this site technically is aimed to help HFs (and also because it was getting annoying) that the one AP who seemed to be trolling had gotten to be a bit much, and that it is good/proper/[whatever word is most correct in this context] that some of that APs posts were removed.

MTR September 9, 2009 at 5:12 pm

Does anyone else notice that when one has bad or so-so au pair one has a lot of comments to post here. But when the au pair is good, even great, and things are going smoothly at home, there is not much to post about. Or is it just me? I haven’t posted a comment here since June. :)

CV September 9, 2009 at 8:36 pm

Been wondering where you’ve been :-) Our conversations are skewed towards problems and questions, because when you’re happy with your au pair relationship you don’t really need or look for advice. Also, I think that the more common the problem you have is, the more advice you get from other host parents who have ‘been there’. So both the need for advice and the ability to share advice are skewed towards challenges rather than positive comments. One of the things that kind of surprised me back in May/June was how hard it was to get people to send in nice stories about their au pairs for Au Pair Appreciation Week… I’m not sure whether happy host parents don’t know about the blog, or whether people who have good relationships don’t want to gloat, or what. But it is an interesting dynamic…. cv

NewAPMom September 9, 2009 at 6:20 pm

So true. Here’s hoping I’ll have a lot less to post about in a few months…

MTR September 21, 2009 at 12:49 pm

Hi CV.

I just tried searching the blog, but could not find the post where we discussed AP’s getting extra jobs outside the family. Please point me in that direction.


NewAPMom September 21, 2009 at 1:57 pm

I’m looking for one too. It’s something like “So you’re in rematch, now what?” I searched and looked up by topic and didn’t find it. Help, please?

MTR September 21, 2009 at 3:40 pm
NewAP Mom September 21, 2009 at 10:12 pm
GKShaw May 18, 2010 at 11:42 am

Hello! I have a problem w/ an au pair company (which shall remain nameless) and I am not sure how to handle it. I am a new family in Charlotte, NC.

Just got an au pair last week from South America. She looked great on paper–and said all the right things on the phone in interviews. She arrived and we are sending her home after 6 days.

She misrepresented her driving experience–which is unsafe, at best; scratched my car–then lied about it; doesn’t interact w/ my kids (ages 2 and 5)–now claims that younger children are “too much for her”–then discovered that she lied on her application and interviews about her experience w/ 2 year olds; will not clean the kids’ rooms or pick up after them, do their dishes, their laundry–said that she did not expect this much work. Apparently she found a date on the fourth day when she left my kids alone at the park and walked across the street to meet an exterminator–verified by my five year old son.

So we found another au pair w/in the system who is in California. During the time in between au pairs we are expected to host this current au pair in our house–AND pay for her week of “work”–yet she never comes out of her room ($160). The au pair agency is going to send her back to her country since she clearly can not be placed anywhere else–she lied on her application, afterall.

We feel as though the au pair agency did not do their due diligence in verifying references. It would have been uncovered that her driving record was not correct–and that she didn’t have any legit experience w/ younger kids. But that was never done.

The au pair agency wants us to pay for the NEW au pair’s transport from California to North Carolina. FYI–we certainly did pay for initial transport of the first au pair from South America–and are not being reimbursed.

Can they do this? We are so confused and hurt by all of this….and as all you parents can imagine, this has been such termoil for our kids and our schedule.

Thanks for any posts on this….

Host Mommy Dearest May 18, 2010 at 12:58 pm

Not sure what agency you are with, but if the AP does not work during transition, you don’t have to pay her. Period. I did not have my transitioning AP work, and I definetely would NOT if I were you – especially if she stays in her room anyway. BTW the stipend is $196, not $160 if you schedule her to w0rk. If they are sending her home (I agree they should due to safety concerns) then it should not take them 2 weeks to book her flights. Get on the horn with your LCC/AD and corporate to find out the plan and timeline. When I got a new AP in transition I did not pay any transport fee and she came from a different state.

TX Mom May 18, 2010 at 3:19 pm

I agree with HMD. If your LCC doesn’t respond, corporate usually does. And, if the situation is really bad, have the agency find an alternative place for the AP to stay (like the LCC’s house.)

I think the transport fee depends upon the agency so you may have some negotiation strength. Agencies usually will accommodate a HF who is unhappy and threatening to switch to a different agency. Of course, I think having a good relationship with an LCC goes a long way; the LCC’s are under considerable market pressure right now to keep families.

aupair21 June 1, 2010 at 6:37 pm

hi everybody. isn’t there an entry that deals with moms being jealos of the au pair’s relationship with the hostchildren? I thought I remember reading about that a long time ago, but now that I really really need some advice on that area, I cant seem to find that entry again… Anybody?

cv harquail June 1, 2010 at 8:33 pm

Hi AP21–

Here’s that post:
Terms of endearment and moms’ deepest fears. Also, childcare myths.

Not the best title (cough, cough) but I added a few tags so that it might be easier to find the next time. Let us know what you think! cv

aupair21 June 2, 2010 at 12:49 am

hehe, no i get the title.. i guess that wasn’t a topic that a lot of people could relate to though, as there were not many comments. my situation are a little different as my 3 hostchildren are not toddlers, but between the ages of 6 and 8, and my host mom is stay-at-home. is not like they actually call me mom, but somehow the mom thinks that the children find me more fun than herself and the dad because she think I do not set enough limits or dicipline them so therefore the childen likes me better. (i DO dicipline, just not necesseraly always when the parents are around). (which then creates problems). So i just wanted to see if there was any advice on what I can do, because at this point, i really dont know, and I dont want the mom to feel that way at all.. I just want to do my job well and not create any problems or “competition” between me and the mom. (sorry if my english is a little bad.) i actually found out through the mom’s sister about how the mom really feels, and she says that even its my fault, the mom still gets frustrated and sometimes takes it out on me..

Sarah Jay October 18, 2010 at 12:26 am

Hi, I am an English HM, and desperate for some advice, but can’t work out where to send the details about my circumstances and the question to, so it can be posted, and then fingers crossed commented on. I’ve just be hunting the site for the email address for over an hour and have failed, think I must be going mad.

Chev October 18, 2010 at 1:36 am

Sarah – the email addy you should send your question to is Mom@AuPairMom.com
You might also want to look at the categories list on the right side of the site to see if there’s been any posts related to your issue.
Hope this helps :)

maria November 18, 2011 at 8:07 am



We are a happy and noble family here in London , we have two kids Jasmine and Terry,aged 4yrs and 2yrs old, we looking for an Au pair or Nanny ,Gardener and a Driver from Any Country that can speak English and the interested should be willing to stay with us for a minimum of 2years

About Our Family…..

Ward thomas(father)
Maria Ward(my wife)
Terry Ward(son)
Jasmine Ward(daughter)
Home Address: 47 hopefield avenue, Paddington Brent, London NW6 6LH, UK

We are a very happy and noble couple, My kids are fairly easy going and relaxed, they would enjoy someone with lots of energy ,enthusiasm and sense of humor.

We only seek a Au pair for basic child care and light housework. If you accept to take a position with us, you would be paid 2500Pounds with a weekly pocket money of 200Pounds. Hence we are doing anything that would motivate the intending Nanny/housekeeper to put in his/her best in taking care of our child.you would be paid for overtime service if any occurs.Your feeding,accommodation,medication,payment of tax and insurance shall been take care of by us.

kindly send us your CV or Resume to mariaward19@rocketmail.com,you can possibly add me on your yahoo messenger so that i can i have an interview with you….. Any interested applicant should make sure his or her passport and birth certificate are authenticated ones,because the documents have an important role to play in your coming down to the UK.We shall discuss travel arrangements in due course of which we would be of generous assistance to you.

Anonamomma November 18, 2011 at 10:41 am

Girls – do not reply to the above post – it may not be genuine – any real family will not advertise here because it is not the proper place to do so – this may be a bad person who is trying to “trap” naive girls – be aware that sex trafficing is particularly bad in England and Ireland

Be careful, be safe!

I have emailed CV about the post.

Anonamomma November 18, 2011 at 10:44 am

BE CAREFUL – I have just done a text on the above email from “Maria” and the same advertisement is at this link

It is on a Nigerian website which screams scam/trafficing to me.

Potential Au Pairs – DO NOT answer this post – there is very real dangers out there.

Good luck

AnonHM Europe November 21, 2011 at 10:48 am

These ads are commonly referred to as “Nigeria Connection”. It is not for sexual abuse but the applying girls are asked to pay some money (200-500 USD, it varies) for travel arrangements/visa matters upfront. Since the girls believe they will earn much more money once they actually work there, they usually agree. They are to send the money via Western Union. Once they paid, they will never hear from their wonderful family again. Surprise :-(

Sweaupair November 19, 2011 at 7:48 am

Thank you Anonamomma for giving us heads up about this!!

Au Pair December 20, 2012 at 3:53 am

There is very nice information to me .

I am belong to Au pair business so This blog is very help ful to me for my business improvement.

Au pair UK February 6, 2013 at 6:25 pm

First of all, I would like to appreciate the effort that you have put in making such an informative blog. I enjoyed this post of yours and I must say that every time I come back to your blog, I always have something new and informative to read. Thanks for keeping me updated.

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