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Host Family dynamics

When Host Parents Disagree, once an Au Pair has let them down

by cv harquail January 29, 2011

When there is more than one host parent in the household, it’s important for host parents to present a united front. Parents & Partners need to agree on household rules, behavioral expectations, and childcare preferences, and communicate in agreement to the au pair. When host parents disagree, it is impossible for an au pair to [...]

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How can we prepare our Au Pair for significant disruption?

by cv harquail January 4, 2011

Life brings us wave after wave of change. To move forward, we have to adapt to changes that happen to us and to changes that we make ourselves. And, as parents, we have to help our families anticipate and adapt to the changes we see coming, and to all the surprises we’re not quite able [...]

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My Future Host Mom’s Sister is Creeping Me Out

by cv harquail November 28, 2010

Okay, “creeping me out” is clearly an American idiom that I have supplied as a headline, but that phrase seems to capture the dynamic going on for this cautious au pair. She’s matched with a family, and getting to know them through emails, etc. before she joins the family in a few months. The family [...]

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When Grandma Interferes in the Au Pair-Host Parent Relationship

by cv harquail October 25, 2010

The only people who should be involved in the relationship between the Au Pair and his or her Host Parents are the au pair and the host parents. The au pair should get instruction and feedback directly from the parents, and the parents should focus on the au pair’s experiences with the family and the [...]

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Au Pair Asks: What happens when you discover that you can’t provide what your Host Kid with Special Needs needs?

by cv harquail October 15, 2010

Dear AuPairMoms- What happens when the au pair is placed with a host family that has a special needs child, and it isn’t working out? Both the agency and the host family knew beforehand that the au pair did not have any previous experience with special needs, but the Au Pair chose to take the [...]

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Finding an Au Pair for a child with Special Needs: Willingness is not enough

by cv harquail October 15, 2010

When I first noticed that au pairs could indicate with a simple check mark whether they were “willing” to match with a family with host kids with special needs, I was surprised. I was pleased that there was an easy way for au pair candidates to indicate, without embarrassment, whether or not they felt they [...]

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Regulations & Additional Training for Au Pairs of Children with Special Needs

by cv harquail October 15, 2010

The guidelines of the US Dept. of State regarding au pairs states that : Au pairs may not be placed: In families with a special needs child, as identified by the family. The au pair can work with a special needs child if s/he has identified prior experience, skill, or training in caring for special [...]

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We’re moving, and must rematch. How soon do we tell our au pair?

by cv harquail September 23, 2010

We have a wonderful au pair who has been living with us for 2 months. Unfortunately, due to a family medical emergency, we need to relocate to the other coast within the next 6 weeks. We will not be able to take our au pair with us so she will need to rematch. We want [...]

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My Potential Host Parents Might Be Divorcing. Should I ‘unmatch’?

by cv harquail September 14, 2010

Dear Au Pair Mom, For the past couple of months, I had been looking for an Au Pair job in Europe (I am American), and finally found a great family via Aupair.com. I used your advice and evaluated the match by shared values, lifestyle, and mutual expectations. We seemed like a perfect fit, and everything [...]

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Doubling Up on Au Pairs: Two Times the Challenge

by cv harquail June 27, 2010

I’ve been hoping to get the host moms who have two au pairs at a time to write guest posts for us explaining how they make this work for them. It’s hard to find the energy and mind space to write reflectively about your au pair experiences… so believe me I understand the gap between [...]

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