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Host Family dynamics

Au Pairing in an UnHappy Home

by cv harquail February 23, 2012

Several times a year we get an email from an au pair who is trapped in an unhappy host family home. The family might be recovering from some tragedy– the loss of a parent, a scary illness, money problems. The parents might be estranged or divorcing, or there might be issues with alcohol abuse and [...]

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Should You Wake Your Au Pair When You Leave For Work REALLY Early?

by cv harquail February 19, 2012

Hi AuPairMom, We are welcoming our first au pair in about 3 weeks, and we are very excited. Your blog really helped us decide that this was the right type of child care for our family. We need someone with scheduling flexibility, because we have an always-changing, somewhat odd work week. I have to leave [...]

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Revealing Your “Special Needs” During the Matching Process

by cv harquail February 17, 2012

When is the best time to discuss with a prospective au pair candidate that a host child has special needs? When your child has special needs, you need to be sure in advance that your au pair is up for the challenge. Many au pair candidates will indicate on their applications that they are open [...]

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Our Au Pair is Dating My Husband’s Close Friend. Now what?

by cv harquail February 4, 2012

And speaking of trying to maintain some privacy around ones adult social life, Here’s an email that has me completely stumped.  How do they stay “host parents” to their au pair, and friends with their friend, and have any separate adult social life? We really need your ideas here, folks. Dear Au Pair Mom, I [...]

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Be a Wiser Host Parent in 2012: A Dozen Questions for Reflection

by cv harquail December 30, 2011

What has happened in the last year that’s helped you learn to be a better host parent? Or if not “better”,  just a wee bit wiser? if you’re like most of us, you’ve felt delighted, relieved, frustrated, annoyed, grateful, and more — all because of your relationship(s) with your au pair(s). As part of our [...]

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Drastic Changes: When a Host Parent Gets Sick

by cv harquail October 16, 2011

Two difficult challenges have hit my friends this past month. Last week a friend’s BIL slipped off a ladder, and is now in an intensive care unit coping with serious head trauma. His recovery will be long, difficult and uncertain. Earlier in the month, a friend’s sister was diagnosed with cancer, for the third time. [...]

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Who counts as an “American” family?

by cv harquail September 19, 2011

I imagine that every au pair has an idea of what her or his “ideal” host family should be like. The assortment of children, the family’s location, their personality, their basic household rules… all of this factors in. But how much do you think it matters that the family be “American”-American, rather than German-American or [...]

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What the best way to Pre-Match with an Au Pair, before connecting to an Agency?

by cv harquail September 1, 2011

Wouldn’t it be nice if you could meet a really terrific young person from anther country, discover that you had complementary world views, and THEN go through an official agency to engage him or her as an au pair? From time to time, we get questions from either parents or potential au pairs about how [...]

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Struggling to Communicate With Host Dad

by cv harquail August 5, 2011

Every host parent has his or her own approach to interacting with their au pair. Our personalities affect some of this, but even more important is who has taken which role in the host parents – au pair relationship. When adults team up to become parents, homemakers and breadwinners, they divvy up these roles so [...]

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What can Host Parents Do about Deceptive Agency Practices?

by cv harquail April 14, 2011

Readers, I must admit that these stories of being screwed by both agency & au pair get me upset. Thank goodness these stories are more rare than the terrific au pair and the perfectly fine au pairs we have little reason to need advice about. We all know that most au pairs, and most agency [...]

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