Host Child(ren) Relationships

Change the Family System, Not (Just) Your Au Pair

by cv harquail June 14, 2016

“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” My neighbor says this all the time, when she’s trying to make herself aware that the problem she’s complaining about might have its roots in her own behavior. That saying came to mind to me, when I read the email below. Of course, […]

25 comments Read the full article →

Is Two Weeks Enough To Time To Know We Need A Rematch? When I say “Yes”

by cv harquail April 23, 2016

When a new Au Pair arrives and is clearly not working out, sensible Host Parents start thinking about rematch. If the Au Pair does something unsafe, dishonest, or mean — ask for rematch right away. With other situations, it makes more sense to give it a little time. You might think your au pair is […]

15 comments Read the full article →

Help Your Au Pair Develop Rituals For Bonding With Host Kids

by cv harquail January 12, 2016

As I was snuggling my tweenager on the couch after a hard day at school, my mind wandered back to all those times when I’d come home from the University to find this same daughter — infant sized — snuggled up in the rocking chair napping with our Au Pair Margit. All the books I’d […]

9 comments Read the full article →

How To Evaluate An Infant-Qualified Au Pair Candidate

by cv harquail December 27, 2015

For many of us Host Moms and Dads, our first Au Pair arrives shortly after our first baby. Twice in one season you become a new parent– first of your own baby, and then of your Au Pair. I look back on those times now and think how absolutely naive I was about both new […]

59 comments Read the full article →

Toddler “Hates” New Au Pair. What to do?

by cv harquail October 8, 2015

Our third Au Pair just arrived and has been here for almost three weeks. She is very sweet, is trying hard, and while she may be too meek for our family, we are hoping she will come out of her shell with time. We may have made a mistake by overlapping her with our last […]

25 comments Read the full article →

Classic Case: Child Hits Au Pair, Cries a Lot, Parents Don’t Care

by cv harquail September 8, 2015

Here’s a situation that’s hard to write a headline for, and perhaps even harder to solve. We’ve often heard from Au Pairs who have host kids who hit, scream, cry, and throw tantrums. We’ve also often heard from Au Pairs whose Host Parents don’t seem to mind when kids behave badly. When these two situations […]

40 comments Read the full article →

Time for a Reset Conversation – with the Whole Family

by cv harquail July 7, 2015

Things were going to hell in a hand basket. Dishes clean but still in the dishwasher. Laundry folded and never put away. Children announcing that they needed to be driven here and picked up there, at the last minute. Spouse “having dinner with a client. I told you about it yesterday” but nothing written on […]

16 comments Read the full article →

How To Resolve Middle-School “Drama” with Your Au Pair and Host Kids

by cv harquail July 1, 2015

I laughed with recognition of the dynamics in this Host Mom’s comment– who hasn’t seen their Au Pair and their kid(s)-of-a-certain-age get into squabbles just like 7th graders fighting over who gets to sit where in the cafeteria? FubolHostMom writes: … I’ve got a concern regarding the “attitude” issue. Over summer vacation, issues that were […]

42 comments Read the full article →

Why Your Au Pair Should Go To Your Kid’s School Play …

by cv harquail March 15, 2015

… and all sorts of other family events. If having an Au Pair is a Cultural Exchange, school and community events are an important part of the excitement. Hey, I’ve endured enjoyed enough grammar school orchestra concerts to be an expert on ways to butcher the violin parts of The Str Spangled Banner. But if […]

83 comments Read the full article →

Au Pair Declines to Extend, Now Her Host Parents Are Mean

by cv harquail March 6, 2015

When you have an Au Pair you like, the idea of extending for another 6, 9, or 12 months seems so tempting! We can imagine ourselves just gliding into that extra time, relieved of the burden of finding, training, and adapting to a new au pair. So when we ask our Au Pairs to extend— […]

34 comments Read the full article →

← Previous Entries