An Au Pair Asks

Too much connection, then too little: Rematch Again, Au Pair Asks?

by cv harquail November 20, 2017
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Dear AuPairMom, I am an Au Pair in the U.S and in my 3rd month right know. About 2 weeks ago I came from one state to a new one through rematch. My first situation wasn’t horrible. I just had a hard time connecting with the kids (7, 9, 12) and the host mom openly […]

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Can an Au Pair Help An Anorexic Host Mom? Should She Try?

by cv harquail April 21, 2015
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When an au pair notices that the host mom is having some kind of personal problem, should the au pair try to talk with the host mom about it? When I think about this question in the abstract, my answer is “Of course! If the au pair cares about the host mm as a person, […]

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Unhappy Au Pairs Can Start “Reset” Conversations Too

by cv harquail March 13, 2015
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You don’t have to be a host parent to notice a problem in your Host Family-Au Pair relationship. Obviously, Au Pairs notice problems too. That’s why Au Pairs should try some using some of the very same tools we recommend to host parents, tools like weekly meetings, written schedules, and the always-useful reset conversation. One […]

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Au Pair Declines to Extend, Now Her Host Parents Are Mean

by cv harquail March 6, 2015
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When you have an Au Pair you like, the idea of extending for another 6, 9, or 12 months seems so tempting! We can imagine ourselves just gliding into that extra time, relieved of the burden of finding, training, and adapting to a new au pair. So when we ask our Au Pairs to extend— […]

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How Should Au Pair Candidates Choose An Au Pair Agency?

by cv harquail December 8, 2014
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Here’s something we’ve never talked about: How Should Au Pairs who want to come to the USA choose the agencies to represent them?   (note: let’s only do US Agencies in this post– I’ll do another one for ‘international’ agencies) We Host Parents know that there are a few differences in Au Pair Agencies that […]

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My Host Family’s House is Smelly. What should I do?

by cv harquail September 10, 2014
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Everyone’s house has a smell. Sometimes it’s “dog”, sometimes it’s “curry” and sometimes it’s just “ick”. We don’t usually notice the everyday smell of our own home because we’re accustomed to it. But when our au pairs walk in for the first time, they notice because the smell is new to them. Over time, they […]

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Should She Ask Her Host Mom To Read AuPairMom?

by cv harquail September 8, 2014
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Dear AuPairMom – I have been reading AuPairMom while I was deciding to become an au pair and I was expecting that what you have on this blog explains what an au pair should expect. My host mom seems to be having some struggles with having an au pair. I’m my family’s first au pair. My family is […]

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Don’t Make Your Au Pair Do Your Kids’ Homework

by cv harquail March 8, 2014
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Haven’t we all wished for someone else to do our Algebra homework? That’s normal. What’s not so normal, though, is to ask your au pair to do your 17 year old’s homework. This situation is a little outside our usual boundaries, because the au pair is in Europe (US rules don’t apply), because she has […]

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Interviewing: When An Au Pair Has Special Experience To Offer

by cv harquail March 6, 2014
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Every au pair has his or her ‘thing’ — a hobby, a life experience, a skill or two, a great sense of humor  — that sets them apart as an individual.   In most matches, this stuff is the icing on a cake. For some families though, these skill could help make that au pair […]

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My Host Mom is Snooping In My Bedroom. How can get some privacy?

by cv harquail February 18, 2014
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Dear AuPair Moms –– I’d like your thoughts about managing privacy, especially with a host mom who’s a bit, shall we say, inquisitive.    As an au pair, I have my own room in my host family’s house. Both my HM and HF are very private people, which I appreciate, since I am the same. […]

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