Privileges vs. entitlements

The Saturday Night Situation: When your Au Pair doesn’t think it’s fair that s/he’s on duty

by cv harquail May 21, 2011

There are two kinds of host family schedules — those that use up all of their 45 hours during the host parents’ Mon – Fri work week, and — those that don’t. I can pretty much guarantee you that if your host family schedule is the second kind, and you try to use your au […]

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Classic Case: Can you change a Princess?

by cv harquail February 2, 2011

A Host Mom writes: Hello! I am writing because I have a bit of a princess situation on my hands — a princess situation with nuance. I am looking for advice on how to try to make this work. Our new AP, 19 years old, arrived about a month ago from a Western European country. […]

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From “Part Time” to “Full Time”: Can I ramp up my au pair’s hours over time?

by cv harquail July 7, 2010

Dear AuPairMom, I’m a mom, employed part-time, who is thinking about getting an au pair. I’m thinking of having an au pair to (1) care for my kids while I’m working, (2) work with me as a mother’s helper as I care for the children, and (3) make it possible to get other things done […]

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Au Pair Guidelines: Does your car have a curfew? (Poll)

by cv harquail June 2, 2010

Our au pair car was a naughty, naughty car. Its very first year as an au pair car, it often stayed out kind of late. Once, it got left behind at a bar and didn’t make it back until Monday. Another time, it was hanging out 95 miles away from home, without permission, and tangled […]

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In Loco Parentis? Your Parental Responsibilities when your AP’s behavior challenges your values

by cv harquail June 1, 2010

As Host Parents, we have an odd role in our Au Pair’s lives. We are responsible for keeping them safe, housed, fed, and supported in their work with our children. And we also often play a role that I call Pseudo In Loco Parentis. Pseudo In Loco Parentis Like the fancy Latin? Years ago, women’s […]

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The Best $98 You Can Spend on Your New Au Pair

by cv harquail May 20, 2010

One of the best things a host parent can do with a new au pair is to pay some professional driving lessons. Driving lessons are something that you should consider in addition to having the au pair go out driving with one or more host parents, and in addition to having the au pair study […]

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4 Ways to Reduce “Seasonal Schedule Shift Syndrome”

by cv harquail May 18, 2010

Seasonal Schedule Shift Syndrome: AuPairMom’s fancy name for “when your au pair gets grumpy because all of a sudden the whole schedule changes, and now s/he has to work an occasional Saturday night.” When school ends and ‘summertime’ begins, family schedules change. Rhythms for your kids’ days may change, as may your own work schedules. […]

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What can an Au Pair expect from a Host Family?

by cv harquail May 3, 2010

In the mirror post to this one, we’re generating a list of ways that families interpret and execute the rules, but with the effect of having the au pair feel mistreated. Here on this page is our chance to list what an au pair can expect from a family when both the family and the […]

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Locking the Refrigerator, and other ways to mistreat an Au Pair

by cv harquail May 3, 2010

Riffing on the post Do Au Pairs need a bill of rights? about Au Pairs and a domestic workers bill of rights, Dawn mentioned that A clear listing as to what kind of treatment is reasonable to expect would be very helpful in such circumstances. As one example, in a program where the AP expects […]

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When Your Au Pair Breaks Your Psychological Contract

by cv harquail April 24, 2010

July 19: Balancing act (58/61) by theDQT

[ Note: I think this might be the longest AuPairMom post I’ve ever written. It was a long train ride and I think I got carried away.] Host families and au pairs call it mutual expectations, and management scholars call it the “psychological contract”. The idea behind a psychological contract is that we agree to […]

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