Privileges vs. entitlements

Our Au Pair Generously Let Her Boyfriend Drive Our Car — Now what?

by cv harquail July 19, 2017
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Generosity in a host parent – au pair relationship is critical. Our inclination to give, to forgive, to cut someone else a break, is what creates important flexibility in a relationship.  That’s why we say strong relationships always have a little ‘give’. One of the biggest questions for Host Parents and Au Pairs alike is how […]

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When Your Au Pair Lies About Mileage on the Car

by cv harquail November 14, 2016
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Sorry for the long lapse in posting…I’m still recovering.   To nudge me (and you?) back into the challenges of Host Parenting, here’s an email about a problem that we faced with our Au Pair too.    It was especially disappointing — and surprising — since this happened with perhaps our most mature, measured, and […]

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Single Host Mom with UnAppreciative Au Pair: Can This Relationship Be Saved?

by cv harquail January 23, 2016
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Dear Au Pair Mom Readers — I don’t know why I thought I was ready for this!! Friends of my parents have had wonderful experiences with their au pairs and I thought hosting an au pair would allow for my daughter to be at home another year while I returned to school. First, the positive: […]

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3 Ways to Help Your Au Pair Break A Texting Addition

by cv harquail July 28, 2015
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… at least while s/he is On Duty caring for your kids. SmartPhone addiction isn’t a metaphor– people actually get hooked on the physical rush of receiving a text. Like Pavlov’s dogs, a simple ‘ping’ starts them salivating for a connection with another person. Another person on the other side of the smart phone, though. […]

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Responding to Surprise Request From Departing, So-So Au Pair

by cv harquail July 24, 2015
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Speaking of Au Pairs and a sense of Entitlement, Washingtomom writes:  Our Au Pair just sprung what I hope will be her last ‘surprise’ request of us. How should I respond? We are at the end of our AP’s year, final date is August 7th. She extended with another family and the supposed start date […]

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When Your Previously Swell Au Pair Starts Acting Entitled

by cv harquail July 18, 2015
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Earlier we had a conversation about whether or not au pairs in the USA were, as a group, starting to act more entitled than in earlier times.  By “entitled” we mean, dissatisfied with a situation where the family follows the rules, offers the au pair a car, feeds the au pair well, and aims to […]

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Have Au Pairs Come to Expect Too Much? (Poll)

by cv harquail May 29, 2015
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A few weeks ago I raised the question:  How Have Au Pair Host Parents -As A Group- Changed Over Time?   BeachTown HostMom wrote to pose the other side of the question — (How) Have Au Pair expectations changed over time?   She writes: I’ve started to noticed some changes in the au pair community and […]

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Do you let your Au Pair drive in the snow?

by cv harquail January 23, 2012
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Snowstorms in weird places (like Oregon) and snowstorms in predictable places (like Chicago) have raised the question for many aupair host parents — Do you allow your au pair to drive in the snow? Of course, there are a million variables that affect this decision. Here are the ones I came up with off the […]

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Too Much Generosity or the Wrong Kind? Trust your heart

by cv harquail October 8, 2011
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Dear AuPairMom- The posting from the host mom offering the fancy host family situation make me think of the choices that I made when I was matching with my host family. I talked to many different families. All of them had some different things to offer, cars yes or no, no Saturday nights, babies and […]

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Too Good to be True?

by cv harquail October 7, 2011
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A while ago I got a request for advice — a host mom was mystified that her desired au pair candidates seemed uninterested in the opportunity she had to offer. After all, what au pair wouldn’t want a situation that required only 20 hours per week, paid vacations with the family, her own apartment underneath […]

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