Differences

Religious Au Pair Doesn’t Celebrate Holidays. Would you still consider her?

by cv harquail July 22, 2017
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Celebrating American holidays with your au pair or host family is one of the biggest (and most fun) elements of cultural exchange. Holidays are a unique window into culture. The traditions, the food, the festive spirit all invite us to talk about the values behind the celebration. On the more personal, less ‘cultural’ level, holidays […]

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Any Way to Change Behavior of an Au Pair Who’s Always Late?

by cv harquail April 15, 2016
Running Late Au Pair

What do you do when you’ve organized yourself and been clear about your needs, but find yourself unable to influence the behavior of your Au Pair? When communication or training differences pop up, we usually go back to the basics: Do you have a handbook? Do you have regular check-in meetings? Were you clear about […]

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Addressing a Vast Gap Between Ethical Standards: Yours vs Your Au Pair’s

by cv harquail March 25, 2016
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There are “cultural differences” and there are “philosophical differences”. With cultural differences, it’s less about “right” or “wrong” than about how folks prefer to do things. With philosophical differences, it’s all about right and wrong.   So how do you manage when you discover that your au pair thinks something is perfectly fair to do, but […]

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Partnership Advice for Au Pair Host Parents

by cv harquail February 4, 2016
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After our previous post, I went back to an old, old post to clip and repeat these key bits of advice for Host Parent Partners: Host Parent Partners need to confirm, explicitly, how they will work as partners as well as individuals to manage their Au Pair relationship.   Nothing about how having an au pair (or […]

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When Parenting Styles Conflict

by cv harquail January 6, 2016
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Au Pairs and Host Children need consistent expectations from Parents in order to do well.   In families where both Host Parents have a similar parenting philosophy, or where one parent takes the “lead” and makes all the parenting decisions, ‘doing a great job’ is easier for Au Pairs. AuPairs need to adapt to only one parenting style, […]

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My Host Mom Hits Her Child — what should Au Pair Do?

by cv harquail October 19, 2015
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Au Pairs are very aware that they are expected to follow the parenting philosophy of their host parents. Au Pairs have to ‘get over’ cultural differences and differences in family tradition that suggest a particular way to handle a situation. Usually, Au Pairs draw on their own cultures’ and families’ parenting practices when they find […]

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When What Host Parents Want Isn’t Quite What Host Parents Do

by cv harquail September 1, 2015
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Sometimes I look at my Au Pair handbook and roll my eyes. It is more fantasy than reality. More aspirational than actual. I look at the way I’ve described our family life: “We’re a fun loving family who enjoys playing together“, and I think of all the times I’d have preferred to stay on the […]

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When Your Au Pair Connects With Everyone But You

by cv harquail July 30, 2015
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Not every Au Pair hits it off with every family member. Sometimes there’s a kid or a parent for whom the Au Pair’s personality is a perfect fit. Sometimes the Au Pair is ‘primed’ to listen to one parent over the other because of the Au Pair’s own family history. Sometimes the Au Pair’s home […]

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When Your Au Pair Complains About A Fair Schedule

by cv harquail March 9, 2015
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File this under: “Grrrrrr.”  You are a lovely family with an adorable child.  You offer a reasonably cushy schedule to your au pair. Most days it’s 2 hours in the morning and 4- 4 1/2 in the afternoon/evening. You go out some weeks nights here and there, to book club or (gasp) to the gym.  And […]

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Is it a Personality Thing, or a Training Thing, or Some Other Thing?

by cv harquail October 6, 2013
baby tears

Even when we don’t have enough information about the ‘real’ problem between a host parent and an au pair, the action steps are the same: 1. Check your expectations, 2. Talk with each other candidly, and 3. Give each other a chance to change. Here’s an email from a host mom having trouble: Dear Au Pair Mom Readers, […]

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