Caring for children

When Au Pair Host Parents Are Too Harsh With Their Kids

by cv harquail September 13, 2017

It can be truly disheartening to see how some people treat their children. There have been times (in the grocery store especially) when I’ve heard people say such mean things to their kids that I almost want to speak up and correct them myself. It’s hard to stay out of the fray when I see […]

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How Should an Au Pair Explain Visible Scars to Host Kids?

by cv harquail July 8, 2017

Each of us bears scars from life events that have challenged us. Some of these scars are hidden, and allow us to keep their origins private. Other scars are in plain sight, and their visibility raises the possibility that at some point, we won’t be able to keep their origins to ourselves. I have a […]

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Finding an Infant Qualified Au Pair Who Can Manage Twins

by cv harquail July 5, 2017

NowWeAreThree HostMom thought she had the whole family ready for twins, with her mom coming to stay for an entire year to help with childcare (what a mom!). Sadly, her father got unexpectedly sick, so her mom can no longer come. This mom’s got to find a new childcare plan. What questions would you ask, and what […]

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When All Your Host Kid Wants Is The Former Au Pair

by cv harquail June 9, 2017

Au Pair transitions can be rough on kids. Some kids wonder if an Au Pair’s departure is their fault. Others get upset when their ‘totally best friend’ departs for her next adventure. Even though we have ways to explain this all to our kids, sometimes the kids have a hard time letting go of their […]

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Change the Family System, Not (Just) Your Au Pair

by cv harquail June 14, 2016

“Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me.” My neighbor says this all the time, when she’s trying to make herself aware that the problem she’s complaining about might have its roots in her own behavior. That saying came to mind to me, when I read the email below. Of course, […]

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New Pregnancy Plus Mediocre Au Pair — How to adjust?

by cv harquail May 24, 2016

Here’s a tweak on the now-classic: “Mediocre Au Pair, Should We Rematch?” question…. Dear AuPairMom ~~ We have had our 2nd AP for about 4 months, and she is the definition of mediocre. To be objective, she is a good driver and our toddler likes her. However, her English is very, very bad (I […]

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When the Cost of Rematch Seems Too High, but Your Au Pair Isn’t Working Out

by cv harquail March 3, 2016

This brand new host mom, in a country without much of an Au Pairing culture, is trying hard. Despite her efforts, though, the combination of her Au Pair’s inexperience, lack of English skills, lies about driving, and basic attitude (not to mention, cultural differences between them) have led to an untenable situation. Worse still, it […]

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Help Your Au Pair Develop Rituals For Bonding With Host Kids

by cv harquail January 12, 2016

As I was snuggling my tweenager on the couch after a hard day at school, my mind wandered back to all those times when I’d come home from the University to find this same daughter — infant sized — snuggled up in the rocking chair napping with our Au Pair Margit. All the books I’d […]

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Au Pair’s Host Child Using iPad Improperly– How should she discuss with Host Parents?

by cv harquail December 16, 2015

Apologies, readers, for the euphemism in the headline — by “improperly”, we’re meaning “hey the Host Kid is looking at websites with the letters s – e -x in the title”….. Host Parents and Au Pairs are aligned in a main childcare goal– keeping the children safe. “Safe”, of course, has a lot of different meanings…usually […]

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Layers of Au Pair Problems…Leading to Rematch?

by cv harquail November 9, 2015

This Host Mom’s got it all falling apart. Little seems to be going as expected. When this Host Mom emailed, I’d suggested to her that maybe it would be easier if we separated the topics and had one post for #1 and another for #2 & #3– but they feel too connected in the Host Mom’s […]

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