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Can this relationship be saved?

How can employers help working moms? (Survey)

by cv harquail November 13, 2011

Would you like to share your opinions, insights, and concerns about how employers can support their female employees while these employees pursue their commitment to being great mothers? My colleague Elise Jones is conducting a study looking at factors that influence whether mothers and prospective mothers take advantage of employer-provided work/life support programs, and what [...]

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Help: We Need Our Au Pair to Grow Up

by cv harquail October 28, 2011

Au Pairs mature a lot during their year(s) in our homes. Most of them become more independent, more worldly, more self-confident, and more self-directed. They pretty much have to grow, since the challenges of living in another country, with another family, with responsibility for childcare are just to much for an immature person to handle [...]

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Invasion of Privacy: Time for rematch?

by cv harquail October 19, 2011

Here at AuPairMom we get some very interesting emails from host parents and au pairs facing challenges in their relationships. Sometimes these questions are easy to answer, other times the whole group of us has to band together to come up with useful advice. Sometimes these emails make me sad — so much struggle, such [...]

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Drastic Changes: When a Host Parent Gets Sick

by cv harquail October 16, 2011

Two difficult challenges have hit my friends this past month. Last week a friend’s BIL slipped off a ladder, and is now in an intensive care unit coping with serious head trauma. His recovery will be long, difficult and uncertain. Earlier in the month, a friend’s sister was diagnosed with cancer, for the third time. [...]

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Longest question, shortest answer: Rematch now

by cv harquail September 12, 2011

It’s hard to imagine that the long, thoughtful email, below — all 1600 words of it — need only two words in reply: Rematch now. I could probably add three more words: Don’t Feel Guilty. But I will leave it up to you, dear readers, to share other words of support with this mom. …. [...]

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Query from Reporter: Any takers?

by cv harquail September 11, 2011

We got a request from Annys Shin, writer at the Washington Post, who is looking for host parents in the DC, Maryland or Virginia area whom she could contant for insight about the au pair program. Here’s her contact info if you’d like to ‘help a reporter out’: Annys Shin Staff Writer, Washington Post ShinA@washpost.com [...]

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Tip: Know When to Blame the System (part 1)

by cv harquail August 17, 2011

Tonight I couldn’t sleep (feeling anxious about not posting on APM!) and so I tried to sneak downstairs so I could read the September issue of Vogue until I felt sleepy. Alas, no matter how softly I pressed my toes to the stairs, they groaned. They squeaked. They made so much noise that I could [...]

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Uncommunicative Au Pair Turns Passive Aggressive

by cv harquail July 14, 2011

I believe in talking things out when you and your au pair have challenges. Awkwardly, tentatively, enthusiastically, skillfully, however you can manage it. If we can’t share what we think and ask for what we need, we can’t improve relationships. That said, what can we do when talking doesn’t work? Sometimes our talk hits a [...]

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How Much Can an Au Pair Improve Sibling Dynamics?

by cv harquail June 28, 2011

Each host family is its own self-reinforcing social system. Families have their own logic, their own climate, their own emotional rules, values, priorities, and patterns of behavior. Although the new person in the family/home means that everyone adjusts, au pairs adjust more to the family than the family adjusts to the au pair. Family systems [...]

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Unbearable Fighting Between Siblings: Fair cause for rematch? (Bettina)

by cv harquail June 28, 2011

Here’s Bettina’s story about her host kids… click back to the original post to discuss whether, if, and how an au pair can make a positive difference in host family dynamics. I’m an au pair in the US for 2 weeks now, and I really like it here. When I arrived, I immediately felt comfortable [...]

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