Comments on: Can this Au Pair relationship be saved? Lying, smoking, drinking, and the silent treatment http://AuPairMom.com/can-this-au-pair-relationship-be-saved-lying-smoking-drinking-and-the-silent-treatment/2010/03/03/celiaharquail/ Helping Host Parents and Au Pairs build great relationships. Thu, 09 Feb 2012 02:01:23 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: SotaGal http://AuPairMom.com/can-this-au-pair-relationship-be-saved-lying-smoking-drinking-and-the-silent-treatment/2010/03/03/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-10745 SotaGal Mon, 21 Jun 2010 18:22:22 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/can-this-au-pair-relationship-be-saved-lying-smoking-drinking-and-the-silent-treatment/2010/03/03/celiaharquail/#comment-10745 I wish they would have been so diligent with our AP last year... Underage drinking, lying and denying it all. We gave her the boot immediately and we were told she would be sent home. Instead, our AD placed her with a family in a nearby large city for her last 3 weeks. In the end, AD got in trouble when we questioned why we hadn't received our credit for those last weeks. I wish they would have been so diligent with our AP last year… Underage drinking, lying and denying it all. We gave her the boot immediately and we were told she would be sent home. Instead, our AD placed her with a family in a nearby large city for her last 3 weeks. In the end, AD got in trouble when we questioned why we hadn’t received our credit for those last weeks.

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]]> By: Jane http://AuPairMom.com/can-this-au-pair-relationship-be-saved-lying-smoking-drinking-and-the-silent-treatment/2010/03/03/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-10741 Jane Mon, 21 Jun 2010 14:39:19 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/can-this-au-pair-relationship-be-saved-lying-smoking-drinking-and-the-silent-treatment/2010/03/03/celiaharquail/#comment-10741 Greenacres, AuPairCare may be redeeming itself. This week they sent my au pair home right away for underage drinking and lying about it. They also sent an e-mail about the issue to all the au pairs and their host families. Are you still hosting now? We're done, but were already going to end this year anyway. I found Au Pair Care to be a great agency and will still recommend them. Greenacres,

AuPairCare may be redeeming itself. This week they sent my au pair home right away for underage drinking and lying about it. They also sent an e-mail about the issue to all the au pairs and their host families.

Are you still hosting now? We’re done, but were already going to end this year anyway. I found Au Pair Care to be a great agency and will still recommend them.

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]]> By: Taking a computer lunch http://AuPairMom.com/can-this-au-pair-relationship-be-saved-lying-smoking-drinking-and-the-silent-treatment/2010/03/03/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-7543 Taking a computer lunch Mon, 15 Mar 2010 23:12:15 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/can-this-au-pair-relationship-be-saved-lying-smoking-drinking-and-the-silent-treatment/2010/03/03/celiaharquail/#comment-7543 We have always used a big agency, and picked one that offers an "Extraordinnaire" program when my husband was doing the research (he was trying to go back to work after 21 months with our daughter and trying to figure out how to make childcare work with his meager salary - he was making less than it would have cost to put our special needs daughter into daycare). Because we have stuck with the big agency for 9 years and 5 APs, we have been able to win some concessions that we might not have won from the agency if we had switched. 3 out of the 5 APs we have hosted have been extraordinnaires. It was a must when our daughter was 26 months and our son was 5 months. We were able to retain some of our program fees when an AP left early in her extension year and we could not rematch immediately (they kept it until we took our next AP, but did credit us in full). We resisted rematch when we should have not, but were able to win some financial concessions because we stuck it out a fine AP who lacked some of our required skills, and we did not want to be the only ones saddled with the costs of having her acquire them. We are extremely picky about APs. First, we can only see applications from women (or men) who state they are "special needs willing" and from there we go ripping through application after application. I only ask to contact APs who have done something relating to childcare or education in their lives (I'm not interested in business majors who want to improve their English, I want someone that knows when the Camel spits on them it doesn't means she's angry, just worried that she'll choke on her dinner.) We've been extremely happy with the quality of our APs. One even made it beyond our cluster for an "Au Pair of the Year" competition. All have enthusiastically embraced the education component. Most of enthusiastically embraced the cluster meetings and networking with other. I think it is possible to find a good match if you read between the lines in an application. My advice is to take your time and to interview up to 4 candidates before you make your selection. (One of my favorite APs said she didn't want a telephone interview from us until she had interviewed with 3 other host families. She liked our email exchange, but she wanted to talk and see what other families had to offer before she made her decision.) We have always used a big agency, and picked one that offers an “Extraordinnaire” program when my husband was doing the research (he was trying to go back to work after 21 months with our daughter and trying to figure out how to make childcare work with his meager salary – he was making less than it would have cost to put our special needs daughter into daycare).

Because we have stuck with the big agency for 9 years and 5 APs, we have been able to win some concessions that we might not have won from the agency if we had switched. 3 out of the 5 APs we have hosted have been extraordinnaires. It was a must when our daughter was 26 months and our son was 5 months. We were able to retain some of our program fees when an AP left early in her extension year and we could not rematch immediately (they kept it until we took our next AP, but did credit us in full).

We resisted rematch when we should have not, but were able to win some financial concessions because we stuck it out a fine AP who lacked some of our required skills, and we did not want to be the only ones saddled with the costs of having her acquire them.

We are extremely picky about APs. First, we can only see applications from women (or men) who state they are “special needs willing” and from there we go ripping through application after application. I only ask to contact APs who have done something relating to childcare or education in their lives (I’m not interested in business majors who want to improve their English, I want someone that knows when the Camel spits on them it doesn’t means she’s angry, just worried that she’ll choke on her dinner.)

We’ve been extremely happy with the quality of our APs. One even made it beyond our cluster for an “Au Pair of the Year” competition. All have enthusiastically embraced the education component. Most of enthusiastically embraced the cluster meetings and networking with other.

I think it is possible to find a good match if you read between the lines in an application. My advice is to take your time and to interview up to 4 candidates before you make your selection. (One of my favorite APs said she didn’t want a telephone interview from us until she had interviewed with 3 other host families. She liked our email exchange, but she wanted to talk and see what other families had to offer before she made her decision.)

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]]> By: Should be working http://AuPairMom.com/can-this-au-pair-relationship-be-saved-lying-smoking-drinking-and-the-silent-treatment/2010/03/03/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-7531 Should be working Mon, 15 Mar 2010 17:25:00 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/can-this-au-pair-relationship-be-saved-lying-smoking-drinking-and-the-silent-treatment/2010/03/03/celiaharquail/#comment-7531 About small vs. large agencies: We first used a small agency--it was good service, they knew their au pairs, it cost less, and were not at all slimy. But when we needed a rematch, they didn't have much to offer. We switched to a big agency, where it cost more, was a big 'sell' with less concern for quality, BUT they had lots of au pairs to choose from. I wish we could have stayed with the smaller agency, but in rematch, quantity matters. About small vs. large agencies: We first used a small agency–it was good service, they knew their au pairs, it cost less, and were not at all slimy. But when we needed a rematch, they didn’t have much to offer. We switched to a big agency, where it cost more, was a big ‘sell’ with less concern for quality, BUT they had lots of au pairs to choose from. I wish we could have stayed with the smaller agency, but in rematch, quantity matters.

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]]> By: Anna http://AuPairMom.com/can-this-au-pair-relationship-be-saved-lying-smoking-drinking-and-the-silent-treatment/2010/03/03/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-7520 Anna Mon, 15 Mar 2010 12:16:18 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/can-this-au-pair-relationship-be-saved-lying-smoking-drinking-and-the-silent-treatment/2010/03/03/celiaharquail/#comment-7520 I have been with a smaller agency, switched to a large leading one, this year looking into switching back. Having "dipped" into both pools, IMHO the quality of the candidates is not agency-dependent. Both agencies used local agents to recruit au pairs (they have to, those ppl call to check local references and speak the language). The set of documents the candidates submit is the same. Those girls who are determined to come to USA no matter what and are good at deception will slip through any process. The differences for me has been: 1. the price (the smaller agency is a bit cheaper to begin with, offers MUCH more generous discounts to repeat or switching families, lets us arrange our au pair's travel from orientation and pay for it ourselves, saving another $300 surcharge) 2. Selection process. Here the larger agency wins because they let me search the whole database, instead of sending me bunches of applications, but the smaller agency has more detailed dossiers and it is a bit easier to get a full impression of the candidate. 3. Rematch policy. This can become a biggie. The smaller agency has a very generous one for families, no limit on number of rematches, and you don't lose any money until there are just a few months left on the program (2 I think!) The larger agency is more full of itself. They only allow one "free" rematch within the first 6 months only. If you got a dud a second time but its still under 6 months, or if things changed 6 months and 1 day after her arrival, you are stuck paying penalties. You can still rematch, but lose money. The justification for such a policy is "our candidates are so great and a head above those from other agencies, this is sufficient to solve all the problems". As I said in #1, this is not true. And if they believe the candidates are truly so great, shouldn't there be a satisfaction guarantee for the families, no limit on the number and no extra cost for rematch? 4. The larger agency will almost never bend the rules if your situation is special in some way. Like a rematch 6 1/2 months in.... But the smaller agency will be very open to considering your individual circumstances. I have been with a smaller agency, switched to a large leading one, this year looking into switching back. Having “dipped” into both pools, IMHO the quality of the candidates is not agency-dependent. Both agencies used local agents to recruit au pairs (they have to, those ppl call to check local references and speak the language). The set of documents the candidates submit is the same. Those girls who are determined to come to USA no matter what and are good at deception will slip through any process.
The differences for me has been:
1. the price (the smaller agency is a bit cheaper to begin with, offers MUCH more generous discounts to repeat or switching families, lets us arrange our au pair’s travel from orientation and pay for it ourselves, saving another $300 surcharge)
2. Selection process. Here the larger agency wins because they let me search the whole database, instead of sending me bunches of applications, but the smaller agency has more detailed dossiers and it is a bit easier to get a full impression of the candidate.
3. Rematch policy. This can become a biggie. The smaller agency has a very generous one for families, no limit on number of rematches, and you don’t lose any money until there are just a few months left on the program (2 I think!)
The larger agency is more full of itself. They only allow one “free” rematch within the first 6 months only. If you got a dud a second time but its still under 6 months, or if things changed 6 months and 1 day after her arrival, you are stuck paying penalties. You can still rematch, but lose money. The justification for such a policy is “our candidates are so great and a head above those from other agencies, this is sufficient to solve all the problems”. As I said in #1, this is not true. And if they believe the candidates are truly so great, shouldn’t there be a satisfaction guarantee for the families, no limit on the number and no extra cost for rematch?
4. The larger agency will almost never bend the rules if your situation is special in some way. Like a rematch 6 1/2 months in…. But the smaller agency will be very open to considering your individual circumstances.

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]]> By: Michigan Mom http://AuPairMom.com/can-this-au-pair-relationship-be-saved-lying-smoking-drinking-and-the-silent-treatment/2010/03/03/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-7519 Michigan Mom Mon, 15 Mar 2010 10:43:34 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/can-this-au-pair-relationship-be-saved-lying-smoking-drinking-and-the-silent-treatment/2010/03/03/celiaharquail/#comment-7519 We had a similar, equally insane experience with our first au pair. She left after six months and at that point I didn't want to host again. However, the realization of the amount of money that we would lose if we just quit the program convinced me to give it another shot. We have had three other au pairs and they have all been good or great, so we are really happy that we gave the program another shot. I will say that Cultural Care refused to rematch our au pair. (Among other things, she lied about having money stolen from her while she was watching the kids in an attempt to have us "reimburse" her for the lost money and got into a fender-bender with our car while driving the kids and then asked the kids to lie to us about it.) We had a similar, equally insane experience with our first au pair. She left after six months and at that point I didn’t want to host again. However, the realization of the amount of money that we would lose if we just quit the program convinced me to give it another shot. We have had three other au pairs and they have all been good or great, so we are really happy that we gave the program another shot.

I will say that Cultural Care refused to rematch our au pair. (Among other things, she lied about having money stolen from her while she was watching the kids in an attempt to have us “reimburse” her for the lost money and got into a fender-bender with our car while driving the kids and then asked the kids to lie to us about it.)

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]]> By: Calif Mom http://AuPairMom.com/can-this-au-pair-relationship-be-saved-lying-smoking-drinking-and-the-silent-treatment/2010/03/03/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-7516 Calif Mom Mon, 15 Mar 2010 03:18:21 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/can-this-au-pair-relationship-be-saved-lying-smoking-drinking-and-the-silent-treatment/2010/03/03/celiaharquail/#comment-7516 APIA sent "Pointy Boots" to another family. When our current contract runs out we're probably going to look at using one of the smaller, non-profit agencies next time. I like the idea of working with people who are a little closer to their roots in cultural exchange programs and actually screen the candidates themselves. One of my concerns with going with a smaller agency is the smaller rematch pool and fewer potential friends for a new AP, but there are so many APs in our area that even without being part of a particular network, any AP we host will be able to find others to hang out with if the agency-based group is a bit small. And if the candidates are higher quality to start with, the chances of rematch are greatly reduced. APIA sent “Pointy Boots” to another family. When our current contract runs out we’re probably going to look at using one of the smaller, non-profit agencies next time. I like the idea of working with people who are a little closer to their roots in cultural exchange programs and actually screen the candidates themselves. One of my concerns with going with a smaller agency is the smaller rematch pool and fewer potential friends for a new AP, but there are so many APs in our area that even without being part of a particular network, any AP we host will be able to find others to hang out with if the agency-based group is a bit small. And if the candidates are higher quality to start with, the chances of rematch are greatly reduced.

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]]> By: Calif Mom http://AuPairMom.com/can-this-au-pair-relationship-be-saved-lying-smoking-drinking-and-the-silent-treatment/2010/03/03/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-7515 Calif Mom Mon, 15 Mar 2010 03:13:02 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/can-this-au-pair-relationship-be-saved-lying-smoking-drinking-and-the-silent-treatment/2010/03/03/celiaharquail/#comment-7515 This is EXACTLY my "Pointy Boots" experience. She too had an incredible ability to BS people. Just no morals. To give you hope about the AP program in general--we found a replacement in our area, interviewed her in person at a park, tested her driving skills, etc. She was wonderful. Completely reliable and my kids loved her so much that we still talk. She extended with us, too. So don't give up on the whole tricky business. Go look at the list of questions to use when interviewing APs on this site. Gems there, and you can pick according to your family's situation. I know this sucks, but there are wonderful APs out there. They aren't all con artists. This is EXACTLY my “Pointy Boots” experience. She too had an incredible ability to BS people. Just no morals.

To give you hope about the AP program in general–we found a replacement in our area, interviewed her in person at a park, tested her driving skills, etc. She was wonderful. Completely reliable and my kids loved her so much that we still talk. She extended with us, too. So don’t give up on the whole tricky business. Go look at the list of questions to use when interviewing APs on this site. Gems there, and you can pick according to your family’s situation. I know this sucks, but there are wonderful APs out there. They aren’t all con artists.

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]]> By: Greenacres http://AuPairMom.com/can-this-au-pair-relationship-be-saved-lying-smoking-drinking-and-the-silent-treatment/2010/03/03/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-7513 Greenacres Mon, 15 Mar 2010 02:30:31 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/can-this-au-pair-relationship-be-saved-lying-smoking-drinking-and-the-silent-treatment/2010/03/03/celiaharquail/#comment-7513 Thank you so much, everyone, for the helpful replies. It's great to come here and get support. I hope I can return the favor some day. Thank you so much, everyone, for the helpful replies. It’s great to come here and get support. I hope I can return the favor some day.

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]]> By: Greenacres http://AuPairMom.com/can-this-au-pair-relationship-be-saved-lying-smoking-drinking-and-the-silent-treatment/2010/03/03/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-7512 Greenacres Mon, 15 Mar 2010 02:29:10 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/can-this-au-pair-relationship-be-saved-lying-smoking-drinking-and-the-silent-treatment/2010/03/03/celiaharquail/#comment-7512 Original poster/HM here. I love APC and have been with them for years. But they did allow K. to rematch and she found a new family within days. They claimed they disclosed the drinking and smoking on her transition application, but who knows? Isn't it amazing that someone hired this girl, either not knowing the real story, or reading the story and not speaking to us about it? Original poster/HM here. I love APC and have been with them for years. But they did allow K. to rematch and she found a new family within days. They claimed they disclosed the drinking and smoking on her transition application, but who knows? Isn’t it amazing that someone hired this girl, either not knowing the real story, or reading the story and not speaking to us about it?

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