When an au pair notices that the host mom is having some kind of personal problem, should the au pair try to talk with the host mom about it?
When I think about this question in the abstract, my answer is
“Of course! If the au pair cares about the host mm as a person, and they have a human-to-human connection, then if an au pair has a concern she should definitely bring it up.”
Bu then when I think about the actual situations that have been raised on the blog before and the ones I faced myself, my response is quite different.
I do rather wish that the au pair who was concerned about my soul burning in hell had kept that one to herself.
One of the hardest things about having an au pair in your house is finding a way to pretend that you have some privacy so that you can save face.
You know you’re screwing up sometimes, you au pair can see you screwing up sometimes, and maybe it’s better to pretend that we don’t know they can see us?
And at the same time, haven’t I wanted my au pairs to genuinely care? Haven’t I appreciated when they did?
If you were the host mom here, would you want you au pair to say anything?
Is there anything you could imagine her doing that might help?
Dear AuPairMom –
I am an au pair for a family of two children and single hostmom. I have been with them for four months now.
I am becoming more and more concerned about my host mom as I assume that she is anorexic. She eats very little, always finds excuses to eat and lost quite a bit of weight since I arrived. She does quite a bit of sport too and she works a lot.
I would like to help her, but I don’t know how to approach her and how to bring up the subject. I read the two posts you have on your website regarding anorexic au pairs, and of course I could just leave and not care but …
We are all very close and I care about them.
I wish I could do something because I am afraid that my hostmom won’t be able to leave this vicious circle without some support.
I am also afraid her school aged kids might notice her eating habits and adopt similar behaviors themselves.
Do you have any advice for me what I can do?