Comments on: Can an Au Pair be happy without driving privileges?

By: Steff

Steff — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 21:06:01 +0000

I agree with you, I do drive, yet on day-to-day basis rely on public transportation in my home-country, BUT! here’s where it get’s tricky, in the States, depending in the part you are, a car is imperative. If you are in a major city I don’t think finding buses, subways…etc, will be a problem, I know using them would not be a problem for me either, but given the case you are in a rural area, perhaps even a suburb, public transportation is not an actual alternative

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By: AuPair Brazil

AuPair Brazil — Mon, 14 Feb 2011 19:27:29 +0000

I’m in the process to be an Au Pair, my application is done I’m just waiting the APC (Au Pair Care) call me to get all the things ready to start to do my interviews with the families.
I think the car is not an issue. The family just need to be clear about it before the AP arrives. In my case, for example, I have a driver licenses, I drive on the weekends, but I have no problems with public transportations, because I take it since I was 11. I don’t have a car on my own, so I need to do my things by myself, I can’t depend on other, so I go by foot, by buses, subway etc. Car is very helpfull, but is not everything.

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By: GG

GG — Mon, 01 Mar 2010 19:43:18 +0000

I really think it’s important for you to tell her before. The first several weeks are a big adjustment for them and most get homesick and long for their own culture, even if they are having a great time with the child and get along with you! If she always has to rely on asking you to be dropped off somewhere or can’t just take a drive to get away for a while, it can add to the stress.
On the flipside, I have had four au pairs (and three American nannies) and only ONE has not had some sort of accident in our cars! Two were quite significant (sending the au pair home for recovery after a brief hospital stay.) Fortunately, only one was while the kids were in the car and was fairly minor.
Although you might care to avoid the situation now, it will be an ENORMOUS problem if she wants to transfer to a different family and your child has become attached to her. Even if she says it’s fine now, make sure she’s aware of how public transportation is different here than overseas and may require a ride to get to the nearest form of it (ie. a bus stop!)
Good luck from another Charlotte mom!!!

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By: Calif Mom

Calif Mom — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 16:40:54 +0000

My husband is right now driving our AP to church because the roads are icy and while she would be fine driving the 4wd car we let her use, HE doesn’t feel comfortable driving his rear-wheel car today.

So yes, there are times you will have to add things to your schedule that you didn’t plan on because you are hosting an AP, but if you are a flexible and empathic person, the advantages and conveniences (no late fee or countdown clock if your boss chats with you an extra 20 minutes in the hallway on your way home for work, etc) far outweigh the inconveniences like making sure someone has a ride home if the weather turns crappy, or making sure they have an extra 20 bucks for emergency cab money.

Another host family we know are much more keen on setting limits, restrictions, boundaries (on their APs, but sadly, not their kids!). They had an AP total a car and have never gotten over it. These hosts don’t understand why their APs are always so uptight and nervous. They are jealous of our APs who seem more “fun loving” and relaxed with the kids.

I take this as evidence that the energy you put out there to the world is reflected back to you–from your kids as well as your au pair. It’s the golden rule.

And I think it’s great that you are doing all this reading now, before you AP arrives. Boy would we have benefited from this blog if it had been here 4 years ago!

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By: Anonymous

Anonymous — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 16:26:18 +0000

I thought that point was out of line when it was made but did not get a chance to respond on your behalf.

Fellow Hosts, please remember that there’s no way we have all the background on anyone’s situation, so tread gently and don’t let your assumptions or biases rear their green-eyed heads!

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By: Anna

Anna — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 03:32:49 +0000

About car insurance – we have added au pairs as drivers to our policy. But they were all older (25 or so), and got our local state license, and I didn’t see our insurance go up one bit!

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By: au pair

au pair — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 03:16:59 +0000

Omgosh, I arrived 2 and a bit weeks ago from Australia too, hardest time of year to arrive, very isolating! Did you come last year?
I always indicate instead of wipers and vice versa because the cars are opposite

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By: aussiegirlaupair

aussiegirlaupair — Sun, 14 Feb 2010 00:20:30 +0000

I admit to being a little afraid when first driving in the US, although I consider myself a confident and experienced driver, however I arrived during the middle of winter and as an Australian had never driven in snow, I also had to drive on the other side road in a town that I was unfamilar with!! It only took me awhile to get my confidence up but I was afraid in the beginning. I don’t think you get make comments unless you know the situation.

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By: Charlotte1--original poster for can au pair be happy without driving privileges?

Charlotte1--original poster for can au pair be happy without driving privileges? — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 21:14:44 +0000

PS- For the poster who questioned how we could afford an AP with me working part time and only having one child, but not afford to pay for driving.. unfortunately I have a chronic illness which has prevented me from returning to a full time schedule (hence the need to stick to a careful budget). My child comes first though, which is why we have made many sacrifices that will allow us to have an AP..

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By: Charlotte1--original poster for can au pair be happy without driving privileges?

Charlotte1--original poster for can au pair be happy without driving privileges? — Sat, 13 Feb 2010 21:10:15 +0000

First, let me say that I am blown away by all of the wonderful, thoughtful feedback and opinions received from HM and APs. As a new HM, I am so grateful to have found this website in advance.

Yes, AP does know that she will not be driving. However, as many have pointed out, it is difficult to really appreciate the possible limitations of this until she is in the situation.
We are not in an area with the transportation options that one would find in NY or DC; however, we do have a bus system and a bus stop that is walking distance. We are in the suburbs, but unlike the suburbs where I grew up, we are lucky to have many entertainment options within 5 minutes or our home, including great shopping, many places to eat, coffee shops, etc.
Many have pointed out that it is unfair for AP to not have driving privileges and rely on other APs for rides. I agree with this, but our decision that we cannot financially justify this extra expense does not mean that we are not sensitive to the AP’s needs and what is fair to other host families. My DH thinks I am giving this too much thought, since we are not expecting our AP until May, but on the contrary I am trying to make sure that everyone has a happy and productive experience.. My DH and I have had several conversations about the fact that we will need to provide her with rides and encourage her to spend her free time with friends. I realize that this might serve as an additional stressor for us, but it is a tradeoff because we don’t have the budget to replace a vehicle but we also don’t want an unhappy AP.
I am glad to hear that this arrangement has worked for a few other host families–I would imagine with the economy, that others would find themselves making these tough decisions.
That being said, I don’t see myself or DH picking AP up from a club at 2am, BUT if she were driving my vehicle, I would have a reasonable curfew for the car and would expect that it would be parked in my driveway well before 2am..
I do accept that we will have to pick her up at say, 11pm if she is going out and we are providing a ride… I hope this works-and honestly I would probably try to budget something differently if she were absolutely miserable without a car…

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