YES
Any au pair with any sensitivity to the host child under her or his care should get that host child something to mark the child’s birthday.
NO
It doesn’t have to be expensive. It can be something as simple as a specially-selected yet store bought card with a photo insider. But, no, you Au Pair’s shouldn’t spend much money on a gift for your host kid. Host parents know not to expect au pairs to spend lots of money– we know how much you’re paid, and how much things cost.
It can be heartbreaking for a child (or an au pair) to think the a person who spends so much time with them has somehow forgotten or overlooked them on their special day.
Here as in just about everywhere else, it’s the thought that counts more than anything.
Explains MTR:
I know that au pairs do not earn a lot of money, but I expect an au pair to acknowledge my child’s birthday with even the smallest and cheapest of gifts. An au pair who knows my child would easily find $10 worth of things in Michael’s that my daughter will be very happy to receive. Our first au pair was with us for 1.5 months when my older daughter’s birthday came. She did not get her anything at all. Not even a card.
Most recent was my younger daughter’s birthday. Au Pair gave her a pillow pet that my daughter was craving, she baked her a cake from scratch (made frosting from scratch too), got her 6 fancy mylar balloons, one for each year of her age. The pillow pet is the most favorite toy now and the balloons are still around the house 1.5 months later, although they are seriously lacking in helium.
I just want to add, that although our current au pair gave all of us gifts for our birthdays and cards for other holidays and they were all very appreciated, I did make it clear that we, host parents, do not require or need any kids of gifts. She should really spend her money on herself. She did not listen to me.
Has your child ever been super-delighted by a birthday card or gift from your au pair? Or some other special gesture that celebrated the child?
Images: Happy Birthday Banner, by Devany on Etsy
{ 36 comments… read them below or add one }
Oh wow, CV, you made me into a post! I am so honored!
I just reread what I wrote and want to clarify that I was describing two different au pairs in my comment. It was not a case where one au pair got something for one of my kids and nothing for the other.
I expect that an AP will at least acknowledge my child’s birthday. She would certainly expect us to do something for hers. We make sure she knows that host dad and I do NOT want her to buy us anything.
Our AP took each of our boys out for an AP day out for their birthday. Lunch at their choice of restaurant and one special activity. Oldest chose a movie and younger chose mini-golf.
I have a situation where my new au pair actually arrives on her birthday! She’s turning 27 (she JUST made the cut, since she will still be 26 upon her arrival at the au pair academy), and I thought that we could take her out to dinner after we pick her up at the airport and get her a small birthday gift (bracelet/earrings/??) to present to her at the meal. I’ve also gotten her a “welcome to your new home” gift of bath items (shampoos, lotions, etc) & cute notepads that will be on her bed when we get home. Do you think this is appropriate? It’s probably not very often that an au pair shows up on her birthday & with this being my first au pair, I want to make it both memorable and a good start to a long, positive relationship.
So far, we’ve had many emails to each other and have been able to Skype a few times. I really like her a lot and want her to feel as welcome as possible.
Thanks!!
I think that’s great. My new au-pair had a birthday two weeks before arrival, and we sent her a small box of goodies. I think that worked out well.
The things my kids have appreciated most have been photo t-shirts with pictures of them with the au-pair on them, videos made by the au-pair, photo albums, and the like.
One au-pair made a pair of footprints on father’s day when it was our second daughter’s first father’s day, and that set of footprints is still in my bathroom in a place of honor 9 years later. (Footprints stamped on a piece of paper)
Simple stuff is awesome!
NewHFinCA, that sounds great. For my AP’s birthday, I got her an Amex gift card. I try to steer away from jewelry only because it can be so personal. Some of the things you may want to consider are:
* Clothes gift cards
* Starbucks gift cards
* T-shirt with the name of your city/university/etc.
* Gift certificate to get a manicure or pedicure
this is so american. i do not like gift cards because it shows you how much you are worth to somebody. a real gift is picked with thought about what a person might like so i think jewelry is appropriated.
i do also like the tshirt idea!
Our AP loves getting gift cards to spend on “American” items. I don’t think it has anything to do with “what you are worth to somebody”, unless it’s a gift card to somewhere an AP wouldn’t usually shop. If it’s to her favorite restaurant, coffee shop, etc, then it’s perfect.
these are all great ideas! i am fortunate to have a hostmom who knows exactly my taste and i have received both clothes and jewellery over the past years, but i also LOVE giftcards! giftcards are very convenient (especially starbucks!) and in my opinion, not “not personal”, or whatever pia aupair claims. then again, i am happy for anything i get and appreciate the fact that my b-day is recognized -gifts or not.
i think for a person who you have never met in before its a good idea (eventhough not exactly sure what they are) but otherwise a personal gift is better.
Although I too am a huge fan of gift cards and have bought them for my APs in the past, I have come to realize that they are an American thing. I try to also get a small gift, such as picture frames or bath/body lotions, along with the gift card, to add a more personalized touch to it.
I’m a huge fan of giftcards as long as they’re for a place the person you’re buying them for would actually shop. I had my birthday a week after i’d gotten to my HF and my HM took me out for dinner and gave me an Amazon giftcard – i’m a huge reader- This year i got the same present because it was just as right for me now as it was then
We even went out to the same restaurant except this time my HD and the boys could come too 
Maybe your kids are old enough so they can draw something for the new AP?!
If she’s really nice and a great au pair, there is always Christmas where you can do a bit more for her than you usually would =)
I had this exact experience our first year (turning 27 on the day of arrival). We always buy some note cards w/international stamps, lotion, a Chicago sweatshirt (we live in Chicago and most of our girls have come from warm climates), and we also frame a little photo of her family for her in her bedroom (often au pairs include a family photo as part of their application). In addition, for our arriving birthday au pair, we bought her a bunch of mylar balloons and the kids painted a wooden picture frame for her (personalized with her name and a photo of the kids). We also bought her a small gift from all of us based on some of the things she told us about her interests. I would stray away from jewelry, as I have found from 4 au pairs that is is really hard to choose jewelry, even after a year or two of learning her tastes. I wouldn’t necessarily nix a gift card, although culturally I have found that au pairs sometimes (initially) find gift cards/money to be impersonal gifts. One gift card idea that might be fun would be to buy her movie theater passes. Almost everyone likes to go to the movies, right?
Thank you so much for this idea. I actually have some movie passes that I’ll include, too, and I think that notecards w/the international stamps are a great idea. Did you happen to include everything together for her? I was thinking that I’d give her a b-day gift at dinner and then the “welcome home” package on her bed when she gets to our house.
The kids would love it if she got balloons, too, and will help her find us in the airport. Too bad they’ll end up taking them as their own once she makes it to our house.
Thanks to everyone for their input on this… I realize I never answered the initial question, though. I do believe that APs should get some sort of gift for the children on their birthdays, but love the non-monetary ideas the best. Photos, cards, sleepovers are all such great, personal ideas.
We gave the birthday gift separately from the welcome package – just as you suggested. Have fun!
For our children’s birthdays our current AP came up with a wonderful idea – she gives them each a “sleep over” certificate to have a sleep over in her room. They watch movies together, eat popcorn, and she tells them bedtime stories. The kids LOVE this as they get to hang out in a room that we don’t usually allow them in, it is “alone time” with a much loved AP and they get to stay up a bit later than usual (which to them is a big deal). It is a loving gift that costs very little but means so much to our kids (and us!)
That is so sweet and thoughtful! I think that is way better than a store bought gift! When I was an aupair, I bought the little girl a gift for the first bday I was with her. But she was so used to material things, that it really didn’t mean much to her. So, for the second birthday I was there, I took her to lunch on a day I was off, and then I took her to a book store to pick out a book, and we donated it to her school.
I love this idea of a ‘sleepover’! I think that gifts of experience, whether it’s a sleep over, a trip out for ice cream just the two of you, a beauty parlor day, are the best of all. You get the memories (especially if you take photos), but your child and your au pair get some time to savor the very best parts of having/being an au pair– the closeness that can be shared between them. (sniff, sniff)
What a fantastic idea!
What a wonderful idea. My hostkids were a bit too small to do that, but I think I will give the current AuPair a hint in that direction
I love when our AP’s acknowledge our kids birthday! The most special ones are the personal gifts…letters (I write a letter to each child for their b-day for their baby book and our beloved AP’s have embraced this idea and added their own special letters and others have chosen not to), cards, photos in albums or a collage for their bedroom wall. I’ve also loved the special “dates” where one on one time is arranged. It is so special when there are 3 kids to get one on one time with parents or AP, the kids just light up when it is “their” day. The sharing of cultures is great too. We have done everything from waking kids early to celebrate on their b-day, tearing open gifts as soon as a guest arrives (our Argentine AP was shocked to hear that others do it differently! We tried to make her wait so she could experience our traditions and it was FUN (for us) torture for her!), flags all over the house inside and out for the birthday child and special b-day treats.
im glad this topic came up! gift-giving is probably my favorite thing in the world so there is no way i would not buy my hostchildren gifts on their special days. (in my family, we also give gifts on valentines day and easter, so unfortunately i have spent WAY more money than i probably should have on gifts for the kids) the problem is, i feel like my host children already have way to many toys (and they always expect to get new toys, and they better be fabulos ones too!) so i have noticed that they dont seem to appreciate it so much anymore (which is bad i would say). they are always used to getting fun toys and they will pay attention to it for 5 minutes and then say “what else do i get?” and i really dont want to spend more money on things that they like for a few hours and then kind of forget about it.
therefore i like the sleepover-pass that someone mentioned. the problem is, my kids have had many sleepovers in my bed already so that would not be super special to them.. i really want to try to come up with something that they can really appreciate and remember (not something store-bought if possible) the last birthdays i have been giving them books and cd’s which they seem to still love, and that is great i think! does anyone have good gift-ideas that you think your children would love (and that an au pair can give) ? i would love to hear:)
My kids really enjoy photo books with pictures of their adventures with our au pairs – first of all, kids love seeing pictures of themselves of course, and also it is very special and personal for them! And of course, it’s something that they love to look at after our au pair has moved on to her next adventure, as well.
I agree with the idea about a photo album or scrapbook of the AP and kids together.
Another thing my boys love is when the APs bring something back from when they travel. My son’s favorite gift he received from our AP is a key chain from Toronto with the Canadian flag on it. He clips it on his backpack, baseball equipment bag, whatever. I asked the AP and she said it was around $4. Very inexpensive, but treasured all the same.
thank you NorCaMom and PA AP mom, those are great ideas! It is true that children love photos of themselves! when i think about it, my hostkids always get all “awww” when they see pictures of themselves when they were younger, so that is definitely an idea i will consider! especially a scrapbook can be made very fun for a child to look through.
My kids appreciate anything special the au pairs do for them. It doesn’t have to be toys, some au pairs have many photobooks and the kids still look at them all the time and cherish them. I was stunned to hear my 3 year old tell me how AP#1 gave him this little monster truck he still has, he wasn’t even 2 when she left and he still remembers her so fondly. That always makes me smile. It really is about the thought, not the $$ that was spent on the gift.
I think the au pair should absolutely recognize the child’s birthday! Whether it is a store bought gift or a handmade card- it matters not. These are young children, and ostensibly, the au pair is living as a part of your family. At least all of our au pairs have been family members, and as such they have acted as part of the family. Our current au pair ‘gave’ my daughter some ‘alone’ time where she and her au pair friend are going to take her out at night and go to a store or Dave and Busters, alone without her siblings. This is a great idea, since it is hard for each child to get alone time with a parent or caregiver. I don’t mind if the au pair ‘ignores’ mine or my husband’s birthdays, but I have to say none have ever forgotten. One au pair made an awesome birthday cake for me, decorated as something I love- it was so thoughtful. Another gave me a collage of pictures she took of the children, and on the back of the frame, (a cardboard backing) she drew a very amazing picture and card for me. I actually thought that was the gift before I realized I had to turn it over! (And I was thrilled with the handdrawn picture!)
Just posted part of this on another Bday party comment. My au pair worked my daughters party with an au pair friend this year. (I didnt have to pay my au pair extra – but i did and I know she appreciated it) She also bought her a Barbie watch. My future au pair who is coming in Aug heard it was my daughters birthday and she mailed a homemade gift all the way from Germany with a homemade card – she made a small purse from yarn & fabric. This is one smart girl…already she has made herself a part of our home and a part of our daughters life !! We are hoping things work out as she seems to be the type of young woman who is thoughtful and could be a great influence on our daughters life…We cant wait for her arrival…and even though my daughter will miss our current au pair – I think the transition has already begun !!
i have the same problem like aupair 21 i love getting things for my kids especially since i am not driving with them and we are always stuck in the house. so new, exciting and useful things are much appreciated by everyone. the first year i got them a bobby car which is a sit on push car (very popular in europe) with a push handle for me. so they took turns riding it down to the playground. i made them an advent calendar for both years i spend here and filled it with things like dora silverware, place mats, hair clips, little crafts and a lot of other stuff that was useful. but i spent way too much money on them.
but i am still happy they enjoyed it.
last xmas i got them a little gym class since they didnt need anymore toys at that point. it cost me over 250$ but i really enjoyed spending my time with them there. even though i would have preferred if my hostmum would let me go with them by myself so tehy would get the ‘my aupair took me to the gym’ experience but she didnt wanna miss out. it kinda ruined it for me since the girls alway wanted to do everything with mommy instead of me
for their birthday i got them preschool prep dvds, books with a story that mentions them by name, books in my native language and other educational toys or crafts.
i am leaving in less then 2 weeks and i got them both a used bike as a farewell present. i already gave it to them over 2 month ago so i wanted to see them use it. now i got them each a vtech learn laptop and a book to wrap and take to the airport.
for my host parents i always tried to do something special. the first year i made handprints for my HM bday. i made step stones for mothers day, angel fotoshoots for xmas, calendars with crafts and scrapbook pages…etc
for special occasions i made crafts with the kids for grand and great grandparents. tee light glasses for halloween, handprint frames for grandparentday, xmas ornaments and windchimes for the 4th of july…
good thing my time here is over now course i am running out of ideas
Wow! Pia, you sound very crafty and creative, and very generous. I’d say that many of your “big” gifts are way more than any host kids/families would expect — but I bet they will treasure you and their memories. If any other APs are reading this and feeling like they wouldn’t be able to swing it financially, I’d suggest talking to your HP. We have some very cute advent calendars that a former AP sewed for our girls one year, and I know she spent waaay too much on the “little” gifts for 50 pockets. I would have been happy to give her some money, some saved-up trinkets, Michael’s discount coupons or ideas of things to fill it with, had she only asked!
I bet your host parents appreciate the gifts you have made for them. An au pair gave us two coffee mugs with pictures of the kids on it. I love those mugs!
I agree – if the au pair wants to make something for the kids or needs help with a gift, I’d be more than happy to help finance it. I actually have this in writing in our au pair book, but very few au pair’s have taken me up on it.
My AP’s all gave my kids something small ($10 or less) for their birthdays and the kids really appreciated the gifts and the cards. Even though they all returned home, they still send birthday and Christmas cards to us every year and we send them birthday and Christmas packages. We hope that our kids will maintain their relationships with their former AP’s forever. Perhaps our kids will AP for their old AP’s one day.
As our kids get older, they’ve started saying that they will go to AP’s house someday and help take care of her children! Then they usually add “And we’ll let them eat candy and ice cream whenever they want, and stay up late, and watch TV all day, because you don’t let us do that!” I’ve got to get that recorded on video to save for them when they have kids of their own!
Our au pairs have always bought birthday and Christmas presents for our kids. They have always been inexpensive, and it has meant the world to my kids. Some have gone to the dollar store, and made cards, and it has been the thought that counts, that has matter most. In fact, our first au pair who bought my daughter a suitcase with Barbie on it. 3.5 years later, she still uses it. The au pairs have all made cards for the kids. And our au pairs have all always given us a framed family picture (with themselves in the photo) for Christmas. One even made a shutterfly type book of her year with us. That is one of my favorite gifts of all time. An au pair who thinks to buy/make/create a gift for her host children, no matter how small, gives more than a smile to everyone in the family.
I wouldn’t even think of NOT giving my hostkids anything. I know that my HP didn’t expect me to get them anything, but I also know how happy they were when I did.
One of my hostkids had his birthday about 2 weeks after I arrived. As I came to them through rematch, I didn’t have the time to prepare anything and I didn’t know the kids that good by then, so I just got something small and funny.
I don’t like giving expensive, but useless presents, so it took a while to find something for the other occasions, but in the end I always found something we would all enjoy
I always gave my kids presents for their birthday, valentine’s, easter and christmas. I agree, on that salary (and with 4 children) I was never able to afford expensive things but I didn’t have to – my kids were always appreciative of the little details I had for them.
For the twin girls 5th birthday we had a picnic at their favorite park with all of their favorite foods and we fed the ducks. Later on I took my girls to a pottery place for their birthday because they had been talking about it for weeks and they painted a piggy bank each. They wore birthday girl crowns (haha! 5 year old twin girls!) and they absolutely enjoyed their day. I took a lot of pictures of our birthday outting and I attached those to a letter I wrote for each and that I later included in my parting gift to them, at age 5 they would not be able to appreciate a written letter but I wanted to do it so they could have something to read when they were older and they’d remember our special day together.
The parting gift I made for my host family included pictures of all of my adventures with the kids and our outtings as family – and tons of letters I wrote for them throughout my year with them and I put all of those together in a thick scrapbook-looking album that I gave to them the day I had to part.
My point is… I never spent much of any of the gifts but I made sure they were personal and special, something they’d treasure for years to come.