Comments on: Birth Control and Your Au Pair http://AuPairMom.com/birth-control-and-your-au-pair/2009/11/05/celiaharquail/ Au Pair Advice, from and by Moms & Dads! We're changing the world, one host family at a time... Thu, 11 Mar 2010 19:25:33 -0700 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.8.4 hourly 1 By: María http://AuPairMom.com/birth-control-and-your-au-pair/2009/11/05/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-4656 María Fri, 04 Dec 2009 04:26:03 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/birth-control-and-your-au-pair/2009/11/05/celiaharquail/#comment-4656 I am 26 and even having a good relation with my HM, I would never ask her where I can get a Plan B!! I have occasionally sex with a few boys and I get the pills by myself, and I found out about the pill here because in my country doesn't sale it. Also, my HM knows I am dating someone and she ask me what we did, she mentioned about the rule of the 3 dates but never really explained, and I always skip that part, if she thinks I am doing it or not, I don't know, but we never speak about sex. I just think I don't want her to ask me if I had sex last night and use a condom, as she doesn't want me to ask her, if she had sex with the HF! I am 26 and even having a good relation with my HM, I would never ask her where I can get a Plan B!! I have occasionally sex with a few boys and I get the pills by myself, and I found out about the pill here because in my country doesn’t sale it. Also, my HM knows I am dating someone and she ask me what we did, she mentioned about the rule of the 3 dates but never really explained, and I always skip that part, if she thinks I am doing it or not, I don’t know, but we never speak about sex. I just think I don’t want her to ask me if I had sex last night and use a condom, as she doesn’t want me to ask her, if she had sex with the HF!

]]> By: AnonymousHostMom http://AuPairMom.com/birth-control-and-your-au-pair/2009/11/05/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-4652 AnonymousHostMom Thu, 03 Dec 2009 21:06:29 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/birth-control-and-your-au-pair/2009/11/05/celiaharquail/#comment-4652 Thank you, AP2005, for reiterating what we host moms are trying to get across to some of our APs! And yes, we were surprised to find out from a neighbor after a previous AP had left that apparently she was having sex in her room - at least there was an unknown male visiting while we were away on vacation - strictly against our rules and very scary when we found out. It was pretty obvious to me that there had been some heavy-duty activity going on when my grandmother's bed in the AP's room ended up broken, though she denied up and down that she had caused it! Thank you, AP2005, for reiterating what we host moms are trying to get across to some of our APs! And yes, we were surprised to find out from a neighbor after a previous AP had left that apparently she was having sex in her room – at least there was an unknown male visiting while we were away on vacation – strictly against our rules and very scary when we found out. It was pretty obvious to me that there had been some heavy-duty activity going on when my grandmother’s bed in the AP’s room ended up broken, though she denied up and down that she had caused it!

]]> By: Ap 2005 http://AuPairMom.com/birth-control-and-your-au-pair/2009/11/05/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-4647 Ap 2005 Thu, 03 Dec 2009 14:21:16 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/birth-control-and-your-au-pair/2009/11/05/celiaharquail/#comment-4647 Dear Host moms & au-pairs to be I think its important that you give THE TALK to your AP. They don't get it at orrentation, they just tell you not to trust guys! When I was an AP one Turkish AP got pregnant and had to go for an abortion, it was a rough time for her and we couldnt do anything to help her, and not just one but a few girls that was my friends in a small town went to buy tests at random times. I think this is a serious thing (some might not think so). Just bring in strict rules, like I had! I think it was awesome to have rules and to respect you host parents wishes, (one Fact most of the girls had sex in their own rooms, Surprised? dont be)NO BOYS in the house, no matter what the age of the AP, and always let you HP have a number of the guy you going out with. (I respected the wishes of my HP when I was there, APs its not that difficult). AP2005 Dear Host moms & au-pairs to be
I think its important that you give THE TALK to your AP. They don’t get it at orrentation, they just tell you not to trust guys! When I was an AP one Turkish AP got pregnant and had to go for an abortion, it was a rough time for her and we couldnt do anything to help her, and not just one but a few girls that was my friends in a small town went to buy tests at random times. I think this is a serious thing (some might not think so). Just bring in strict rules, like I had! I think it was awesome to have rules and to respect you host parents wishes, (one Fact most of the girls had sex in their own rooms, Surprised? dont be)NO BOYS in the house, no matter what the age of the AP, and always let you HP have a number of the guy you going out with. (I respected the wishes of my HP when I was there, APs its not that difficult).
AP2005

]]> By: AnonymousHostMom http://AuPairMom.com/birth-control-and-your-au-pair/2009/11/05/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-4430 AnonymousHostMom Fri, 13 Nov 2009 21:51:04 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/birth-control-and-your-au-pair/2009/11/05/celiaharquail/#comment-4430 I know 2 LCCs that I can say with 99% certainty will NOT be having The Talk with their girls. (It would be fun to suggest it, just to see their reactions!) Anyway, less than half our group even attend the meetings, even when told it's mandatory, like for H1N1 education! Too bad, because it would be a great health & safety topic, as you say. I know 2 LCCs that I can say with 99% certainty will NOT be having The Talk with their girls. (It would be fun to suggest it, just to see their reactions!) Anyway, less than half our group even attend the meetings, even when told it’s mandatory, like for H1N1 education! Too bad, because it would be a great health & safety topic, as you say.

]]> By: PA aupair mom http://AuPairMom.com/birth-control-and-your-au-pair/2009/11/05/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-4427 PA aupair mom Fri, 13 Nov 2009 20:21:06 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/birth-control-and-your-au-pair/2009/11/05/celiaharquail/#comment-4427 Great idea about asking your LCC to address the topic. That way the girls, and guys, get the education they may need and we don't have to feel intrusive or like we are micromanaging. What a wonderful topic suggestion for their monthly meeting. Great idea about asking your LCC to address the topic. That way the girls, and guys, get the education they may need and we don’t have to feel intrusive or like we are micromanaging. What a wonderful topic suggestion for their monthly meeting.

]]> By: My 2 cents http://AuPairMom.com/birth-control-and-your-au-pair/2009/11/05/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-4423 My 2 cents Fri, 13 Nov 2009 17:06:04 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/birth-control-and-your-au-pair/2009/11/05/celiaharquail/#comment-4423 I see your side too and it makes a ton of sense. And it's terrific that you have such a close relationship with your APs that you can have a solid conversation. Speaks volumes about your abilities to both manage and have a special connection (Oh, no, another flashback to every cheezy episode on The Bachelor). While I've had very positive relationships with our APs, I find that it works better for me in managing the APs generally to have a bit of distance and that's probably factoring into my decisionmaking as well. So, for me, unless the AP asked me about this stuff, or I was confronted with it in some other way, there would be no segue for me to introduce the topic without it coming across as Sex Ed 101, no matter how nicely and unintrusively I tried to package the message. And, there is no getting around that it is an intensely personal subject when coming from you to your AP, even if packaged in say the third person or given with the disclaimer that it's not meant to be a lecture or a judgment of the AP. It just now strikes me that this is a topic I can at least pawn off to my area manager since she is charged specifically with addressing healthy and safety issues in her meetings. Knowing her directness she probably already has. I see your side too and it makes a ton of sense. And it’s terrific that you have such a close relationship with your APs that you can have a solid conversation. Speaks volumes about your abilities to both manage and have a special connection (Oh, no, another flashback to every cheezy episode on The Bachelor). While I’ve had very positive relationships with our APs, I find that it works better for me in managing the APs generally to have a bit of distance and that’s probably factoring into my decisionmaking as well. So, for me, unless the AP asked me about this stuff, or I was confronted with it in some other way, there would be no segue for me to introduce the topic without it coming across as Sex Ed 101, no matter how nicely and unintrusively I tried to package the message. And, there is no getting around that it is an intensely personal subject when coming from you to your AP, even if packaged in say the third person or given with the disclaimer that it’s not meant to be a lecture or a judgment of the AP.

It just now strikes me that this is a topic I can at least pawn off to my area manager since she is charged specifically with addressing healthy and safety issues in her meetings. Knowing her directness she probably already has.

]]> By: PA aupair mom http://AuPairMom.com/birth-control-and-your-au-pair/2009/11/05/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-4419 PA aupair mom Fri, 13 Nov 2009 14:27:49 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/birth-control-and-your-au-pair/2009/11/05/celiaharquail/#comment-4419 My2cents....I completely see what you are saying, but I would NEVER want my au pair to have to call home and tell her parents that she was pregnant....or WORSE, had a potentially life-threatening illness like HIV, Hep C or Hep B. I see it far too often to pretend tha it doesn't happen. Maybe it's because of my line of work, but I feel like it's part of my responsibility. BTW, both of my au pairs have had positive feedback about our discussion. I do NOT lecture. I provide information in a factual way and ask for questions. I do not want to know what they are doing in their personal life. That would not ever be my place to ask or discuss. My2cents….I completely see what you are saying, but I would NEVER want my au pair to have to call home and tell her parents that she was pregnant….or WORSE, had a potentially life-threatening illness like HIV, Hep C or Hep B. I see it far too often to pretend tha it doesn’t happen.

Maybe it’s because of my line of work, but I feel like it’s part of my responsibility.

BTW, both of my au pairs have had positive feedback about our discussion. I do NOT lecture. I provide information in a factual way and ask for questions. I do not want to know what they are doing in their personal life. That would not ever be my place to ask or discuss.

]]> By: My 2 cents http://AuPairMom.com/birth-control-and-your-au-pair/2009/11/05/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-4417 My 2 cents Fri, 13 Nov 2009 14:16:46 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/birth-control-and-your-au-pair/2009/11/05/celiaharquail/#comment-4417 As a HM, I'm with Aria. While I completely understand and agree with sex education as the best preventative measure against disease, unwanted pregnancy, and the rest, I'm very uncomfortable and feel I'm crossing a boundary if I raise the issue with my AP out of the blue. (Now, if she came to me, or if I found things lying around in full view, then yeah, I'd address it, but otherwise no.) I shudder to think of any of my employers when I was young and single approaching me on the topic. Frankly, I'd be not only embarrassed but offended by the assumption that (a) I'm having sex, and (b) I'm ignorant, too lazy, or need or want that talking to. Granted, an AP relationship is not the same as the standard employer-employee relationship in the least, but it's not close enough for me to assume what I consider a parental or parochial role either. As a HM, I’m with Aria. While I completely understand and agree with sex education as the best preventative measure against disease, unwanted pregnancy, and the rest, I’m very uncomfortable and feel I’m crossing a boundary if I raise the issue with my AP out of the blue. (Now, if she came to me, or if I found things lying around in full view, then yeah, I’d address it, but otherwise no.) I shudder to think of any of my employers when I was young and single approaching me on the topic. Frankly, I’d be not only embarrassed but offended by the assumption that (a) I’m having sex, and (b) I’m ignorant, too lazy, or need or want that talking to. Granted, an AP relationship is not the same as the standard employer-employee relationship in the least, but it’s not close enough for me to assume what I consider a parental or parochial role either.

]]> By: PA aupair mom http://AuPairMom.com/birth-control-and-your-au-pair/2009/11/05/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-4416 PA aupair mom Fri, 13 Nov 2009 13:52:43 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/birth-control-and-your-au-pair/2009/11/05/celiaharquail/#comment-4416 Personally, I don't care if my au pair is having sex....just as long as I know that I have done everything in my power to make sure she is being safe. I talk to her about driving safety. Why not safe sex? I am a healthcare provider and I see daily what effects unprotected and irresponsible sex have on young men and women. I would talk to my boys about sex and I also talk to the au pairs. I don't ask her if she is having sex or with whom. It is more informational. Personally, I don’t care if my au pair is having sex….just as long as I know that I have done everything in my power to make sure she is being safe. I talk to her about driving safety. Why not safe sex?

I am a healthcare provider and I see daily what effects unprotected and irresponsible sex have on young men and women. I would talk to my boys about sex and I also talk to the au pairs.

I don’t ask her if she is having sex or with whom. It is more informational.

]]> By: aria http://AuPairMom.com/birth-control-and-your-au-pair/2009/11/05/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-4414 aria Fri, 13 Nov 2009 11:40:04 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/birth-control-and-your-au-pair/2009/11/05/celiaharquail/#comment-4414 Just my two cents here... I'm an au pair, I'm 18, and I would mortified/offended/really turned off if my host family tried discussing MY sex life. That's completely private and whether or not they take birth control/ use condoms/ get pregnant then have an abortion.... maybe I'm wrong, but I don't think that's the host family's business. I can't imagine a boss in corporate America having The Talk with his/her employees! If I was a host mother, I would never assume an au pair knew more/less about sex/STIs based on where she was from. Colombian or German, it's private!! Just my two cents here… I’m an au pair, I’m 18, and I would mortified/offended/really turned off if my host family tried discussing MY sex life. That’s completely private and whether or not they take birth control/ use condoms/ get pregnant then have an abortion…. maybe I’m wrong, but I don’t think that’s the host family’s business. I can’t imagine a boss in corporate America having The Talk with his/her employees!

If I was a host mother, I would never assume an au pair knew more/less about sex/STIs based on where she was from. Colombian or German, it’s private!!

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