This LongIslandHostMom’s experience triggered PTSD for me. All the feels. The ugly, angry resentful feels.
All I could think about, after I readLongIslandHostMom’s email, was how awful it had been to run into our former, “flame out” au pair, when she showed up for a BBQ at my friend’s beach house with my friend’s nanny, acting as though she’d never dumped my family or hurt my kids’ feelings. As though everything was fine.
Because after a rematch, it rarely is fine. All the energy we spent trying to make things work feels wasted. At least one party, if not both, wishes things had ended sooner. Emotions were piqued, resentments amplified, and then all you want is to never. ever. see that Au Pair (or Host Family) again.
Can you imagine if your Au Pair ditched you, and then moved in next door with her “boyfriend”, the son of your neighbors?
Shudder along with me.
Here’s LongIslandHostMom’s email. We’d love your advice.
I am writing to share my story and to get support and guidance from other Host Families.
It’s been an exhausting couple of weeks. My Au Pair left us without any notice.
On 1/30, the day before my 6 year old’s birthday, she texted me at 5pm saying that she has decided to leave that day. By the time I got home, she has already moved out. We had just extended her on 1/8/17. I couldn’t believe she ditched us after spending a year with us.
Of course, we had given her feedback the prior week telling her that we could not continue to accommodate her school schedule — She was pursuing a certification program that required her to work shorter hours for us, since she would be going to school for 4 plus hours with 4 hours commute and 4 days per week.
She got very upset after that conversation, enough to moved into our next door neighbor’s home. She is dating the son who is 26 years old and living with his parents. I reported her to the agency and they dropped her out of the program. She didn’t even try to rematch.
Now to my dilemma…
(wait, what? It gets worse?)
Because our former Au Pair is living next door, I am afraid to go outside. It’s been a traumatic experience for my 6 year old daughter to lose someone so suddenly, someone who claims to love her. I don’t want my daughter to run into the former Au Pair, and I can no longer allow my children to play outside. We are basically locked inside of our home.
I feel like we are being taken advantage of, with nothing we can do.
Plus, we now have to deal with the cost for rematch with another Au Pair, which will end up being an additional $2,000.
- Have other Host Families experienced an Au Pair leaving in their extension year.
- What did the Agency do, and what could the Agency do?
If the Au Pair stays, of course she’s staying illegally. What action can I take? What action should I take? Really appreciate any advice and suggestions! Regards, LongIslandHostMom
Image: Helen Haden, on flickr