Readers, here’s another one of those emails that I just don’t have a good answer for… Can any of you au pairs or host parents offer her some comfort?
Hi Au Pair Mom, I am an au pair and always read this blog, to know if I am doing right, to have kind of a feedback, and to try to be a good au pair. Congratulations for the site, it is very good.
I just have a confession to make, and since this site always helped me, I feel like telling a little about my history, because I am very sad about that.
Well, I am in rematch right now. I crashed the car 3 times. The first one really was because of the attention, and I was very sorry, and paid the insurance, but they didn’t fixed the car. The second one was just scratched on the back because the car is very big and I didn’t get used to it. And the third I just touched on another car and not even made any scratched on my car.
I was afraid to tell my host parents on the second one, it was holidays and my HM really loves Christmas, I was afraid to disappoint them, and I know that I did very wrong but I just couldn’t by the time. I was going to call my LCC so she would help me telling them. But then on the day I called her, happened the third accident and so I told them, and the LCC came.
My host parents said that they feel like I was very sad, (and I really was because of the Christmas away from my family, and) because I was hiding about the scratches and I really felt bad about that. And they said that I was a fabulous au pair, always get everything done, they kids just loved me. (It was even kind of strange, they get used to me on the second day! I really love kids and I have this easiness to deal with them.
But my host mom felt that I was sad and even though I was sad I was always on time and I was always getting everything done, but maybe that was why I crashed the car. They said that I needed to change and get used to the missing or maybe was better if I went back home. Then I told them about the third accident.
My HM just said that I broke her trust (which I am aware of that and tottaly agree) and what if one of her kids got hurted and bleeding and I get afraid to tell them. I explained to her that was different but she didn’t listen. The LCC and the HD told her to sleep over that and they would talk later. But nothing changed, she said that she couldn’t live with that, but I was a gifted person because I was great with the kids and she would give me wonderful reference to another HF.
Since the decision of the rematch, everything has been find. I am very respectful and I keep doing my job and treating the kids the same way. (I just cry a lot because I love the kids very very much). Also, I’m still driving them, much more carefull of course.
Then I talked with my LCC and she said that maybe I should talk with my HM to see if I can stay here because she said that we are a good match and my HD didn’t want me to leave. She could see that I hid my car denting from them not because I was selfish and didn’t want to take the consequences, but because I was really afraid to disappoint them. I talked with my HM saying that maybe doesn’t worth to interview another AP and to have all that work trying to find someone else, and if there was a way to gain her trust back. My HM said that she coudn’t let me put the life of the kids in danger by driving. (However, I am still driving the kids while here, so I don’t really get this explanation.)
The thing that really bothers me is: I think that she doesn’t want me on her house for some reason that no one knows.
I always asked my Host parents to say to me if that was something wrong, and they never said a word and always said that I was great. I feel like all my effort for being here — to show all my affection to them — was in vain. I bought a wonderful frame and put the picture of every ‘member’ of the family, including me, because I really thought that was what I was here. I embroidered a towel with her name with my own hands for her birthday, and she never even touched it. (I know because the laundry is in their rooms and I have to go there to do the laundry).
So, I am just very sad because I think that maybe someone didn’t tell the truth.
And also, she is interviewing another AP in front on me, which really makes me very sad. I feel like an object being thrown out. I mean, ok that I am really not a family member, but I am a person who has feelings, and I think that everyone deserves respect, doesn’t matter whom they are.
I am not mad at all. I think that everything happens for a reason. I just needed to ask for an opinion, or something like that. I’m not sure that you could put this on the blog, because I think that is too detailed… It is just I want to hear from another HM or HF — is this what it’s like here in USA? Because I feel like people here really doesn’t matter with anothers. That makes me very sad because I came here to live a dream and it has been a nightmare so far. I need some comfort, because I am really thinking about to go home, not because I am afraid to not find another family or something else, I just don’t want to be hurted again with the delusion that I am part of the family.
Thank you for your thoughts.
Image: Heartbroken ?from Daniel Pink