Comments on: AP Handbook, part 1 http://AuPairMom.com Helping Host Parents and Au Pairs build great relationships. Fri, 18 May 2012 03:14:06 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: AtlantaHostMom http://AuPairMom.com/ap-handbook-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-22018 AtlantaHostMom Sat, 25 Feb 2012 00:40:59 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?page_id=709#comment-22018 The handbook is a must, and I did not have one with my first AP, and I believe this has some account to why it failed. The relationship blew up a little over a week ago, and I am emotionally drained! We have not even started the rematch process as of yet and from what I was told by the agency, our former AP most likely is going home due to no interest from new host families. To the ones who said the detail is unnecessary and overwhelming, please let me say this: as a Host Mom who did everything she could think of to create an amazing cultural experience for her and my children, what I failed to do is be explicit on driving privileges, cell phone privileges, dress code on and off duty, behavior expectations on and off duty, how to conduct self with other moms/nannies when waiting on our children to complete an activity, grocery store privileges, holiday traveling with family, and a host of other expectations and simple rules. Every household has a certain decorem and set of rules... Rules everyone in the home must follow. The AP is no exception. It is unfortunate that it needs to be so detailed, but I believe it's just like an employee handbook! Every company has one. We purposely did not write one for this first one (but can assure you we will for a future one IF we decide to try again). We didn't because I wanted her to be a part of the family. Big mistake!!!!! It is great to have a warm family environment, but a detaild family handbook will remind the AP that texting is not allowed during working hours. Studying for school is not to be done during child care hours. During children's nap times , playing on Facebook is NOT an option. Staying up all night SKYPING with buddies back home is frowned upon if the next day you are dragging... It needs to be STRESSED that she needs to sleep at night so she can function the next day..... ALL OBVIOUS STUFF, right?????? Yes, it is to me, but everything I just listed (and then some) was an issue, and had to be discussed in a meeting, which always aggravated her. I believe if all of these expectations had been SPELLED out, I truly believe things would have been different! As obvious as they are and seemingly normal and customary, I am confident that it has to be in writing AND updated monthly because things change! A family handbook needs to be a living document and presented to AP prior to offering her the job! And signed as accepted before hired!!!! As one of the comments in this thread from an AP stated she would not accept her AP assignment if she had received anything like this then that's fine. That within itself spells out that it would not be a good match. I can assure you I will have a very detailed family handbook the next time! I will still create a warm environment for her, but just like everyone in our home has rules, she will know before she arrives what the guidelines and rules are so that she can know what to expect. If she is turned off then we have done everyone a favor. A rematch is emotional, expensive, and very disheartening! I am interested in learning more about Family Handbooks so any info would be appreciated. I wish I had created one for this AP who most likely will be returning to SA this time next week... And it should not be happening, but the AP was not willing to follow our rules. We do have some good memories and maybe in time we can communicate and her always know the children....but for those APs who frown on the detailed family handbook, please be reminded that the rules exist whether they are on paper or not. Wouldn't you like to at least see and know them before you accept? And for you current or potential Host Families, it's like cooking a new dish without a recipe! You are taking MORE of a chance of not finding the right AP for your family! I have definitely learned a lesson!!!!!! The handbook is a must, and I did not have one with my first AP, and I believe this has some account to why it failed. The relationship blew up a little over a week ago, and I am emotionally drained! We have not even started the rematch process as of yet and from what I was told by the agency, our former AP most likely is going home due to no interest from new host families. To the ones who said the detail is unnecessary and overwhelming, please let me say this: as a Host Mom who did everything she could think of to create an amazing cultural experience for her and my children, what I failed to do is be explicit on driving privileges, cell phone privileges, dress code on and off duty, behavior expectations on and off duty, how to conduct self with other moms/nannies when waiting on our children to complete an activity, grocery store privileges, holiday traveling with family, and a host of other expectations and simple rules. Every household has a certain decorem and set of rules… Rules everyone in the home must follow. The AP is no exception. It is unfortunate that it needs to be so detailed, but I believe it’s just like an employee handbook! Every company has one. We purposely did not write one for this first one (but can assure you we will for a future one IF we decide to try again). We didn’t because I wanted her to be a part of the family. Big mistake!!!!! It is great to have a warm family environment, but a detaild family handbook will remind the AP that texting is not allowed during working hours. Studying for school is not to be done during child care hours. During children’s nap times , playing on Facebook is NOT an option. Staying up all night SKYPING with buddies back home is frowned upon if the next day you are dragging… It needs to be STRESSED that she needs to sleep at night so she can function the next day….. ALL OBVIOUS STUFF, right?????? Yes, it is to me, but everything I just listed (and then some) was an issue, and had to be discussed in a meeting, which always aggravated her. I believe if all of these expectations had been SPELLED out, I truly believe things would have been different! As obvious as they are and seemingly normal and customary, I am confident that it has to be in writing AND updated monthly because things change! A family handbook needs to be a living document and presented to AP prior to offering her the job! And signed as accepted before hired!!!! As one of the comments in this thread from an AP stated she would not accept her AP assignment if she had received anything like this then that’s fine. That within itself spells out that it would not be a good match. I can assure you I will have a very detailed family handbook the next time! I will still create a warm environment for her, but just like everyone in our home has rules, she will know before she arrives what the guidelines and rules are so that she can know what to expect. If she is turned off then we have done everyone a favor. A rematch is emotional, expensive, and very disheartening!

I am interested in learning more about Family Handbooks so any info would be appreciated. I wish I had created one for this AP who most likely will be returning to SA this time next week… And it should not be happening, but the AP was not willing to follow our rules. We do have some good memories and maybe in time we can communicate and her always know the children….but for those APs who frown on the detailed family handbook, please be reminded that the rules exist whether they are on paper or not. Wouldn’t you like to at least see and know them before you accept?

And for you current or potential Host Families, it’s like cooking a new dish without a recipe! You are taking MORE of a chance of not finding the right AP for your family!

I have definitely learned a lesson!!!!!!

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]]> By: 2nd time au pair http://AuPairMom.com/ap-handbook-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-13123 2nd time au pair Fri, 27 Aug 2010 03:16:39 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?page_id=709#comment-13123 A handbook is a good idea - if I had received a detailed handbook before I started my current au pair job I would not have accepted the position. I did receive a schedule but the more detailed schedule I received on arrival shows me what this family really want. I think they are entitled to get what they want; it's their money and I am in their home. However I sincerely wish I wasn't the one attempting to provide it for them. I have no idea what I am going to get out of a year as a broke housekeeper. A handbook is a good idea – if I had received a detailed handbook before I started my current au pair job I would not have accepted the position.

I did receive a schedule but the more detailed schedule I received on arrival shows me what this family really want. I think they are entitled to get what they want; it’s their money and I am in their home. However I sincerely wish I wasn’t the one attempting to provide it for them. I have no idea what I am going to get out of a year as a broke housekeeper.

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]]> By: English AuPair http://AuPairMom.com/ap-handbook-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-5775 English AuPair Sun, 24 Jan 2010 01:12:56 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?page_id=709#comment-5775 As an Au Pair myself... i would love to recieve this before i arrived. I mean okay its very detailed and a bit scary but i'd rather recieve this and know exactly what was expected of me than to recieve a paragraph of pointless information. As an Au Pair myself… i would love to recieve this before i arrived. I mean okay its very detailed and a bit scary but i’d rather recieve this and know exactly what was expected of me than to recieve a paragraph of pointless information.

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]]> By: Busy Mom http://AuPairMom.com/ap-handbook-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-1676 Busy Mom Mon, 27 Apr 2009 13:07:16 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?page_id=709#comment-1676 Detailed handbooks are a necessity. With our previous nannies, I have always reviewed the handbook (including 22 pages on our childrearing guidlines!), house rules, contract, weekly schedule, checklists, etc. during the interview process. I know that I scared off some potential candidates. But I ended up with fantastic nannies who wanted/thrived on that level of organization. I was hesitant to provide too much information up front to an au pair candidate because I didn't want to overwhelm them, but given Felybee's comments, I will share more next time. Felybee, we would not have been a good family for you and it's best to know that before one matches. We did end up with a good au pair, but I feel like I lucked out and see now how we should change our interviewing process to make it more certain next time. Given Anonymous' comments about trying to memorize everything, I think I'd create a packet with examples of schedules, a summary of guidelines, etc. so that the candidate gets a good sense of the type of family we are (I mean, just telling someone we have a 22-page document on how to handle our kids says a lot) , but doesn't feel that she has to memorize everything before she arrives. Detailed handbooks are a necessity. With our previous nannies, I have always reviewed the handbook (including 22 pages on our childrearing guidlines!), house rules, contract, weekly schedule, checklists, etc. during the interview process. I know that I scared off some potential candidates. But I ended up with fantastic nannies who wanted/thrived on that level of organization. I was hesitant to provide too much information up front to an au pair candidate because I didn’t want to overwhelm them, but given Felybee’s comments, I will share more next time. Felybee, we would not have been a good family for you and it’s best to know that before one matches. We did end up with a good au pair, but I feel like I lucked out and see now how we should change our interviewing process to make it more certain next time. Given Anonymous’ comments about trying to memorize everything, I think I’d create a packet with examples of schedules, a summary of guidelines, etc. so that the candidate gets a good sense of the type of family we are (I mean, just telling someone we have a 22-page document on how to handle our kids says a lot) , but doesn’t feel that she has to memorize everything before she arrives.

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]]> By: MTR http://AuPairMom.com/ap-handbook-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-1670 MTR Sun, 26 Apr 2009 23:15:39 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?page_id=709#comment-1670 Felybee I have just had an au pair leave my house after 4 months here. To tell you the truth, I have no idea why I did not rematch this girl after her first 2 weeks here. She was absolutely and completely incompetent. And as a result, she let my children do what they wanted to do – summer shoes in the winter when there was 5 inches of snow, no hats and sweaters in the winter, eat all the crap they want instead of the food I cooked and specifically told her to feed the children. She was so bad that she could not put together puzzles we bought for our kids. She took my kids to the museum and lost my 4 year old in there because my kid ‘wanted’ to go look at something. Then she left my 6 year old alone to go look for a 4 year old. God forbid I ever have an au pair like her ever again. And as a lesson learned, if au pair is not doing what parents, meaning my husband and I, want, she will be out of here faster then she can tell me that she thinks it is better for the kids. Felybee

I have just had an au pair leave my house after 4 months here. To tell you the truth, I have no idea why I did not rematch this girl after her first 2 weeks here. She was absolutely and completely incompetent. And as a result, she let my children do what they wanted to do – summer shoes in the winter when there was 5 inches of snow, no hats and sweaters in the winter, eat all the crap they want instead of the food I cooked and specifically told her to feed the children. She was so bad that she could not put together puzzles we bought for our kids. She took my kids to the museum and lost my 4 year old in there because my kid ‘wanted’ to go look at something. Then she left my 6 year old alone to go look for a 4 year old. God forbid I ever have an au pair like her ever again.

And as a lesson learned, if au pair is not doing what parents, meaning my husband and I, want, she will be out of here faster then she can tell me that she thinks it is better for the kids.

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]]> By: Anna http://AuPairMom.com/ap-handbook-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-1667 Anna Sun, 26 Apr 2009 18:45:53 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?page_id=709#comment-1667 Felybee, that is why we have an adult (au pair) take care of our kids, and not our kids take care of themselfves - so that they don't do what THEY want all day! It is a sign of an incompetent caregiver, when she doesn't follow your specific instructions and in her defense says "but the kids wanted to do that!" Example: a mother leaves a dinner for everybody, comes home to empty ice cream bowls and the au pair says "but the kids wanted to eat that!" did I get my point across? And yes, we as parents, decide what kind of popular culture and at what age we want our kids exposed to, if at all. And if an au pair has problems understanding that, maybe she lacks maturity for the job. Felybee,
that is why we have an adult (au pair) take care of our kids, and not our kids take care of themselfves – so that they don’t do what THEY want all day!

It is a sign of an incompetent caregiver, when she doesn’t follow your specific instructions and in her defense says “but the kids wanted to do that!”

Example: a mother leaves a dinner for everybody, comes home to empty ice cream bowls and the au pair says “but the kids wanted to eat that!”

did I get my point across?

And yes, we as parents, decide what kind of popular culture and at what age we want our kids exposed to, if at all. And if an au pair has problems understanding that, maybe she lacks maturity for the job.

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]]> By: Felybee http://AuPairMom.com/ap-handbook-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-1666 Felybee Sun, 26 Apr 2009 18:24:16 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?page_id=709#comment-1666 I agree with Anonymous, this is really too much. So much that I didn't take the time to read it all. I also had a handbook with my first host family, and this was not so complete, and already too much. For example they gave me a schedule of activities. But the kids are never tired or able to do things the same way every days. We have to listen to them, to know, and understand what are their needs. Some days they may need to go out and run everywhere because they have a lot of energy to spend. And some other days, they may need to rest. And I have to say by experience, that a kid after school will more likely need to rest than to go out and play. We can find activities for them to have fun, without need to be runing. You don't want your kids to watch TV, or if they do so, they have to wach educatives stuffs. But did you ever think that sponge bob, the bratz and others cartoons are part of the General Culture. They need to know about them, not because they like it or because their friends are watching it, but because some day if they have friends speaking about this stuffs, if they don't know what this is about, (specially with teens), they are going to be treated like nuts ! Think about it, and think that sometimes, your au pair can be more tired by trying to folow your whishes than by taking care of the kids, who will want other stuffs than the ones you ask your au pair to propose. And your au pair is going to be the one who will have to assume your choices, so don't make her work even harder by trying to avoid a part of the fun she may have with them. I agree with Anonymous, this is really too much. So much that I didn’t take the time to read it all. I also had a handbook with my first host family, and this was not so complete, and already too much. For example they gave me a schedule of activities. But the kids are never tired or able to do things the same way every days. We have to listen to them, to know, and understand what are their needs. Some days they may need to go out and run everywhere because they have a lot of energy to spend. And some other days, they may need to rest. And I have to say by experience, that a kid after school will more likely need to rest than to go out and play. We can find activities for them to have fun, without need to be runing. You don’t want your kids to watch TV, or if they do so, they have to wach educatives stuffs. But did you ever think that sponge bob, the bratz and others cartoons are part of the General Culture. They need to know about them, not because they like it or because their friends are watching it, but because some day if they have friends speaking about this stuffs, if they don’t know what this is about, (specially with teens), they are going to be treated like nuts !

Think about it, and think that sometimes, your au pair can be more tired by trying to folow your whishes than by taking care of the kids, who will want other stuffs than the ones you ask your au pair to propose. And your au pair is going to be the one who will have to assume your choices, so don’t make her work even harder by trying to avoid a part of the fun she may have with them.

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]]> By: Anonymous http://AuPairMom.com/ap-handbook-part-1/comment-page-1/#comment-900 Anonymous Wed, 18 Feb 2009 09:37:05 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?page_id=709#comment-900 as i totally agree that it is a good thing to know what your expectations are, i honestly think all of this is TOO MUCH.. i would personally be very worried if my hostfamily sent me this,, they did send me a handbook, but not this detailed, and as i wanted to make a good impression, i tried very hard to memorize everything in it but i was pretty stressed out trying to remember everything. as i totally agree that it is a good thing to know what your expectations are, i honestly think all of this is TOO MUCH.. i would personally be very worried if my hostfamily sent me this,, they did send me a handbook, but not this detailed, and as i wanted to make a good impression, i tried very hard to memorize everything in it but i was pretty stressed out trying to remember everything.

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