Comments on: Almost-done Au Pair Refuses to Work Weekends! http://AuPairMom.com/almost-done-au-pair-refuses-to-work-weekends/2009/06/08/celiaharquail/ Helping Host Parents and Au Pairs build great relationships. Thu, 09 Feb 2012 02:01:23 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Taking a Computer Lunch http://AuPairMom.com/almost-done-au-pair-refuses-to-work-weekends/2009/06/08/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-18970 Taking a Computer Lunch Thu, 30 Jun 2011 12:48:13 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=1614#comment-18970 Obviously your relationship with your AP has disintegrated. She's ready to go, you're ready for her to go, and you're both angry with each other. It's natural for her to pull away and want to say goodbye to everyone. However, it's extremely immature to end up stranded in another state and expect you to solve the problem. She's probably gone by now (based on the date of your post). In general, I find it useful to have a talk with my APs when they're in the two-month countdown mode. I know they're trying to squeeze in a lot of goodbyes, last minute trips, and to finish their bucket lists, but I remind them why they're here - they're APs. I still have a job to do and I need to rely on them. I tell them I will be as flexible as I can if I can rely on them when I need them. All have risen to the occasion. I once had an AP who miscalculated the time it would take her to return from an out-of-state trip (she had a car). We charged her a vacation day for making us take a vacation day and told her that it couldn't happen again. I think what I would have done if I had been in your situation, would be to tell the AP she had two choices a) figure out how she was going to get home by the time you needed to leave for work or b) pay for your time and gas to pick her up - and give her the sum in advance. And AuPairInHolland, it's exactly behavior like this that makes American HPs' assign curfews. This AP did not behave like an adult -- she had to have known well before 10 pm that she couldn't possibly get home by 11. Obviously your relationship with your AP has disintegrated. She’s ready to go, you’re ready for her to go, and you’re both angry with each other. It’s natural for her to pull away and want to say goodbye to everyone. However, it’s extremely immature to end up stranded in another state and expect you to solve the problem. She’s probably gone by now (based on the date of your post).

In general, I find it useful to have a talk with my APs when they’re in the two-month countdown mode. I know they’re trying to squeeze in a lot of goodbyes, last minute trips, and to finish their bucket lists, but I remind them why they’re here – they’re APs. I still have a job to do and I need to rely on them. I tell them I will be as flexible as I can if I can rely on them when I need them. All have risen to the occasion.

I once had an AP who miscalculated the time it would take her to return from an out-of-state trip (she had a car). We charged her a vacation day for making us take a vacation day and told her that it couldn’t happen again.

I think what I would have done if I had been in your situation, would be to tell the AP she had two choices a) figure out how she was going to get home by the time you needed to leave for work or b) pay for your time and gas to pick her up – and give her the sum in advance.

And AuPairInHolland, it’s exactly behavior like this that makes American HPs’ assign curfews. This AP did not behave like an adult — she had to have known well before 10 pm that she couldn’t possibly get home by 11.

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0

]]> By: AuPairInHolland http://AuPairMom.com/almost-done-au-pair-refuses-to-work-weekends/2009/06/08/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-18968 AuPairInHolland Thu, 30 Jun 2011 11:59:23 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=1614#comment-18968 *I'm not defending the au pair in any ways, I'm just saying that the relationship is not healthy when she feels free to call you in the middle of the night asking for this huge favor. *I’m not defending the au pair in any ways, I’m just saying that the relationship is not healthy when she feels free to call you in the middle of the night asking for this huge favor.

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0

]]> By: AuPairInHolland http://AuPairMom.com/almost-done-au-pair-refuses-to-work-weekends/2009/06/08/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-18967 AuPairInHolland Thu, 30 Jun 2011 11:55:07 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=1614#comment-18967 Your au pair is supposed to be a young adult, whom you trust to take care of you children. Therefore this person should have good judgement and NOT have a curfew, knowing that if she gets home trashed and wasted at 5 in the morning, she'll still have to be up at 7, looking fresh and smiling and willing to do her job just like on any normal day. Your au pair is not your daughter, setting curfews is just wrong. Your au pair is supposed to be a young adult, whom you trust to take care of you children. Therefore this person should have good judgement and NOT have a curfew, knowing that if she gets home trashed and wasted at 5 in the morning, she’ll still have to be up at 7, looking fresh and smiling and willing to do her job just like on any normal day.
Your au pair is not your daughter, setting curfews is just wrong.

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0

]]> By: Anonymous http://AuPairMom.com/almost-done-au-pair-refuses-to-work-weekends/2009/06/08/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-2928 Anonymous Sat, 08 Aug 2009 15:19:40 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=1614#comment-2928 As a former au pair in Europe (I'm American) I can understand where the au pair is coming from. I was also a graduate student at the time and doing research on my own time and I agreed to work only 20 hours a week. The family was always insisting I work more than I agreed to doing intense cleaning that had nothing to do with childcare and was not on my contract. I ended up working 40 hours a week and being paid for 20! I felt used, like I was a slave. Au pairs have rights too and there may be another side to the story. Perhaps she has been overworked and not compensated or perhaps she was guaranteed a certain amount of paid vacation and she is using it - most au pairs are guaranteed a certain amount of vacation. It is frightening to move in with an entire family you don't know and absolutely depressing when they all take advantage of you. It's an awful situation to be in. As a former au pair in Europe (I’m American) I can understand where the au pair is coming from. I was also a graduate student at the time and doing research on my own time and I agreed to work only 20 hours a week. The family was always insisting I work more than I agreed to doing intense cleaning that had nothing to do with childcare and was not on my contract. I ended up working 40 hours a week and being paid for 20! I felt used, like I was a slave.

Au pairs have rights too and there may be another side to the story. Perhaps she has been overworked and not compensated or perhaps she was guaranteed a certain amount of paid vacation and she is using it – most au pairs are guaranteed a certain amount of vacation. It is frightening to move in with an entire family you don’t know and absolutely depressing when they all take advantage of you. It’s an awful situation to be in.

]]> By: cv http://AuPairMom.com/almost-done-au-pair-refuses-to-work-weekends/2009/06/08/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-2387 cv Thu, 18 Jun 2009 14:31:42 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=1614#comment-2387 Readers, just to clarify belatedly-- this host mom was giving her AP at least one if not two weekends off, completely within the guidelines. Also, she was not expecting to schedule her AP for all 5 remaining weekends... the issue is/was that the AP refused to work ANY weekend, regardless of the guidelines or the host family's needs. cvh Readers, just to clarify belatedly– this host mom was giving her AP at least one if not two weekends off, completely within the guidelines. Also, she was not expecting to schedule her AP for all 5 remaining weekends… the issue is/was that the AP refused to work ANY weekend, regardless of the guidelines or the host family’s needs. cvh

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0

]]> By: IJC http://AuPairMom.com/almost-done-au-pair-refuses-to-work-weekends/2009/06/08/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-2383 IJC Thu, 18 Jun 2009 13:40:53 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=1614#comment-2383 From the way this is written, I get the impression that the host mum was making the au pair work every weekend prior to this. If this is the case, I'm not surprised the au pair doesn't want to work weekends any more. From the way this is written, I get the impression that the host mum was making the au pair work every weekend prior to this. If this is the case, I’m not surprised the au pair doesn’t want to work weekends any more.

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0

]]> By: Calif Mom http://AuPairMom.com/almost-done-au-pair-refuses-to-work-weekends/2009/06/08/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-2329 Calif Mom Thu, 11 Jun 2009 23:15:32 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=1614#comment-2329 I've never had an AP take that 13th month. They don't usually have enough cash for it after they have bought laptops and MP3 players for everyone back home! I’ve never had an AP take that 13th month. They don’t usually have enough cash for it after they have bought laptops and MP3 players for everyone back home!

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0

]]> By: AnnaAuPair http://AuPairMom.com/almost-done-au-pair-refuses-to-work-weekends/2009/06/08/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-2328 AnnaAuPair Thu, 11 Jun 2009 22:32:26 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=1614#comment-2328 I like Darthastewart's idea!!! I like Darthastewart’s idea!!!

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0

]]> By: Darthastewart http://AuPairMom.com/almost-done-au-pair-refuses-to-work-weekends/2009/06/08/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-2321 Darthastewart Thu, 11 Jun 2009 17:48:38 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=1614#comment-2321 One thing I thought of with the agencies whose policies it is that you cannot withhold money- You can pay the au-pair in cash- get a signed receipt, and stand there and immediately insist that she pay you back for gas or other expenses. That way you have not broken the rules, but you do have your money back. One thing I thought of with the agencies whose policies it is that you cannot withhold money- You can pay the au-pair in cash- get a signed receipt, and stand there and immediately insist that she pay you back for gas or other expenses. That way you have not broken the rules, but you do have your money back.

Like or Dislike: Thumb up 0

]]> By: Anonymous http://AuPairMom.com/almost-done-au-pair-refuses-to-work-weekends/2009/06/08/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-2320 Anonymous Thu, 11 Jun 2009 16:33:20 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=1614#comment-2320 I don't think that anyone has mentioned that aupairs get a thirteenth month on their visa to travel, hang out , etc. if they choose. Some of us adults must have worked with " contractors ' in the business world. What experience do people have with colleagues and vendors who work on a time limited contract ? I don’t think that anyone has mentioned that aupairs get a thirteenth month on their visa to travel, hang out , etc. if they choose.
Some of us adults must have worked with ” contractors ‘ in the business world. What experience do people have with colleagues and vendors who work on a time limited contract ?

]]>