Comments on: Advice Wanted: How to set the right tone from Week 1 http://AuPairMom.com/advice-wanted-how-to-set-the-right-tone-week-one/2009/05/13/celiaharquail/ Helping Host Parents and Au Pairs build great relationships. Thu, 09 Feb 2012 02:01:23 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: Taking a Computer Lunch http://AuPairMom.com/advice-wanted-how-to-set-the-right-tone-week-one/2009/05/13/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-17056 Taking a Computer Lunch Thu, 03 Mar 2011 01:59:17 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=1483#comment-17056 I agree. I tell my APs to sleep in, to come up for breakfast when they feel like it (I usually have a prior exchange about the foods they like to eat for breakfast, so I have them on hand), to call home, and to unpack their belongings and set up their rooms. We usually have them come upstairs to see me feed The Camel, to change her diapers, to go on a walk with her. I might do some housework, so she has time alone with the kids while I am in the house, but it's low-key. We go over house stuff - this is where the garbage is kind of stuff. They're so exhausted from the training right after a late arrival to the US, that they're in no shape to be caring for my children. These days the AP arrives the weekend before the kids start school, so HD and I start the real training on Monday, with he staying home in the AM and me arriving early in the PM until the AP is on her feet (usually Tuesday, quite frankly - it's much easier to interact with children without parents in the way). I agree. I tell my APs to sleep in, to come up for breakfast when they feel like it (I usually have a prior exchange about the foods they like to eat for breakfast, so I have them on hand), to call home, and to unpack their belongings and set up their rooms. We usually have them come upstairs to see me feed The Camel, to change her diapers, to go on a walk with her. I might do some housework, so she has time alone with the kids while I am in the house, but it’s low-key. We go over house stuff – this is where the garbage is kind of stuff. They’re so exhausted from the training right after a late arrival to the US, that they’re in no shape to be caring for my children. These days the AP arrives the weekend before the kids start school, so HD and I start the real training on Monday, with he staying home in the AM and me arriving early in the PM until the AP is on her feet (usually Tuesday, quite frankly – it’s much easier to interact with children without parents in the way).

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]]> By: DarthaStewart http://AuPairMom.com/advice-wanted-how-to-set-the-right-tone-week-one/2009/05/13/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-17039 DarthaStewart Tue, 01 Mar 2011 18:17:36 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=1483#comment-17039 You're not the first one to have heard that- I've heard it too. My current au-pair arrived to our home starving. She was so excited to just have spaghetti for dinner- real food, and plenty of it for once. I really felt bad for her, and will endeavor to warn the next au-pair about that. Why is it that we pay the agency so much for the program, and they cram these girls in so tight, and don't feed them well for that week? You’re not the first one to have heard that- I’ve heard it too. My current au-pair arrived to our home starving. She was so excited to just have spaghetti for dinner- real food, and plenty of it for once. I really felt bad for her, and will endeavor to warn the next au-pair about that.
Why is it that we pay the agency so much for the program, and they cram these girls in so tight, and don’t feed them well for that week?

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]]> By: Seasoned Host Mom http://AuPairMom.com/advice-wanted-how-to-set-the-right-tone-week-one/2009/05/13/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-17037 Seasoned Host Mom Tue, 01 Mar 2011 15:47:59 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=1483#comment-17037 I know this is an old string, but I thought I would put in my two cents on one small area that's been mentioned but not emphasized. At least one poster above said that she puts her au pair to work the morning after the evening of AP's arrival. I am ALL FOR not coddling an AP (having learned that lesson the hard way), but I do think a period of rest for a new AP is a necessity. Our AP#2 (our Mary Poppins) told me a few weeks after her arrival that orientation was a stressful, exhausting experience. Girls were put 4 to a small hotel room (resulting in a very poor night's sleep), in training most of the day, given really poor quality food during that time, and as a result, most left orientation hungry and tired, on top of the inevitable jet lag they were feeling when they arrived in the U.S. I think it is only humane, therefore, to give your au pair some good food and a full day to rest before starting the work routines. A well-rested AP will process information and deal with homesickness much better than a sleep-deprived AP. I know this is an old string, but I thought I would put in my two cents on one small area that’s been mentioned but not emphasized.

At least one poster above said that she puts her au pair to work the morning after the evening of AP’s arrival. I am ALL FOR not coddling an AP (having learned that lesson the hard way), but I do think a period of rest for a new AP is a necessity. Our AP#2 (our Mary Poppins) told me a few weeks after her arrival that orientation was a stressful, exhausting experience. Girls were put 4 to a small hotel room (resulting in a very poor night’s sleep), in training most of the day, given really poor quality food during that time, and as a result, most left orientation hungry and tired, on top of the inevitable jet lag they were feeling when they arrived in the U.S. I think it is only humane, therefore, to give your au pair some good food and a full day to rest before starting the work routines. A well-rested AP will process information and deal with homesickness much better than a sleep-deprived AP.

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]]> By: AFHostMom http://AuPairMom.com/advice-wanted-how-to-set-the-right-tone-week-one/2009/05/13/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-17036 AFHostMom Tue, 01 Mar 2011 14:24:18 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=1483#comment-17036 exactly--you can't have it both ways. Either you are part of the family (meaning you pitch in with family chores to a reasonable degree), or you are not (meaning don't get ticked if you don't enjoy the same privileges that contributing household members do). Our just-rematched AP drew a bright line between her on and off duty hours which I can understand because it IS exhausting to care for little children all day, but if you are in a common area and help make a mess, or eat dinner with us, it's just common courtesy to help clean up/clear the table. Otherwise resentment builds up. And you bet any adult in the house should take the trash out if he or she sees the can overflowing and no one else is around, even though that particular task is my husband's "official" chore. exactly–you can’t have it both ways. Either you are part of the family (meaning you pitch in with family chores to a reasonable degree), or you are not (meaning don’t get ticked if you don’t enjoy the same privileges that contributing household members do). Our just-rematched AP drew a bright line between her on and off duty hours which I can understand because it IS exhausting to care for little children all day, but if you are in a common area and help make a mess, or eat dinner with us, it’s just common courtesy to help clean up/clear the table. Otherwise resentment builds up. And you bet any adult in the house should take the trash out if he or she sees the can overflowing and no one else is around, even though that particular task is my husband’s “official” chore.

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]]> By: Where to Begin: New Host Mom, New Au Pair http://AuPairMom.com/advice-wanted-how-to-set-the-right-tone-week-one/2009/05/13/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-17025 Where to Begin: New Host Mom, New Au Pair Mon, 28 Feb 2011 20:08:10 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=1483#comment-17025 [...] Advice Wanted: How to set the right tone from Week 1 Ways to start orienting your New Au Pair: Some advice for the first two days [...] [...] Advice Wanted: How to set the right tone from Week 1 Ways to start orienting your New Au Pair: Some advice for the first two days [...]

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]]> By: katerina http://AuPairMom.com/advice-wanted-how-to-set-the-right-tone-week-one/2009/05/13/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-11019 katerina Sun, 27 Jun 2010 14:31:49 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=1483#comment-11019 i see your point! i guess it sounds worse than it actually is ;D i see your point! i guess it sounds worse than it actually is ;D

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]]> By: cv harquail http://AuPairMom.com/advice-wanted-how-to-set-the-right-tone-week-one/2009/05/13/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-11015 cv harquail Sun, 27 Jun 2010 13:55:27 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=1483#comment-11015 Hi Katerina-- It's less like "stalking" and more like "Being right there in case you need me". Most people need not only to hear something explained to them but also to have a chance to 'do' it, physically, before they feel like they know what is expected of them. Shadowing a new au pair allows for the au pair to try a task by putting into action what s/he's heard, while having someone there to help, offer feedback, and also offer praise. Since host parents aren't allowed to be 'gone' during the first three days, shadowing the new au pair on day two or three is a good way to use the time to coordinate and learn to communicate with each other. That said, if you are a person who prefers to learn and make mistakes & adjustments in private, you might ask for a little solo space, maybe with a parent in another room and available (only) if needed. Hi Katerina–
It’s less like “stalking” and more like “Being right there in case you need me”.
Most people need not only to hear something explained to them but also to have a chance to ‘do’ it, physically, before they feel like they know what is expected of them. Shadowing a new au pair allows for the au pair to try a task by putting into action what s/he’s heard, while having someone there to help, offer feedback, and also offer praise.
Since host parents aren’t allowed to be ‘gone’ during the first three days, shadowing the new au pair on day two or three is a good way to use the time to coordinate and learn to communicate with each other.
That said, if you are a person who prefers to learn and make mistakes & adjustments in private, you might ask for a little solo space, maybe with a parent in another room and available (only) if needed.

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]]> By: katerina http://AuPairMom.com/advice-wanted-how-to-set-the-right-tone-week-one/2009/05/13/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-11012 katerina Sun, 27 Jun 2010 12:04:41 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=1483#comment-11012 this is funny in a way as it bring memories from the time when i was an aupair in the coutry we are talking about. after a year in england i would kind of translate english sentences into 'the' language and it didint take long for the kids to talk me out of that. why do you say 'could you please give me the butter' and 'thank you'. then they simply said, after i tried to explain, we dont say that in 'this country'. the most polite way at the table to ask for a thing to be passed to you would be 'please butter' with no thank you afterwards. and i had a lot of situations where i felt the hm was harsh to me and i had to remind myself that thats the way they talk. this is funny in a way as it bring memories from the time when i was an aupair in the coutry we are talking about. after a year in england i would kind of translate english sentences into ‘the’ language and it didint take long for the kids to talk me out of that. why do you say ‘could you please give me the butter’ and ‘thank you’. then they simply said, after i tried to explain, we dont say that in ‘this country’. the most polite way at the table to ask for a thing to be passed to you would be ‘please butter’ with no thank you afterwards.
and i had a lot of situations where i felt the hm was harsh to me and i had to remind myself that thats the way they talk.

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]]> By: katerina http://AuPairMom.com/advice-wanted-how-to-set-the-right-tone-week-one/2009/05/13/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-11010 katerina Sun, 27 Jun 2010 11:14:56 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=1483#comment-11010 what do the aupairs thing about the second day, which you describe as shadowing her? i would feel terrified by the thougt of it! someone watching me establishing routines and relationship with the children would feel me really nervous. perhaps less so if the kids were babies but still i would prefer to work it out on my own. what do the aupairs thing about the second day, which you describe as shadowing her? i would feel terrified by the thougt of it! someone watching me establishing routines and relationship with the children would feel me really nervous. perhaps less so if the kids were babies but still i would prefer to work it out on my own.

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]]> By: Orienting an Au Pair when Host Mom can’t be there http://AuPairMom.com/advice-wanted-how-to-set-the-right-tone-week-one/2009/05/13/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-10999 Orienting an Au Pair when Host Mom can’t be there Sun, 27 Jun 2010 01:03:14 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/?p=1483#comment-10999 [...] Ways to start orienting your New Au Pair: Some advice for the first two days Advice Wanted: How to set the right tone from Week 1 [...] [...] Ways to start orienting your New Au Pair: Some advice for the first two days Advice Wanted: How to set the right tone from Week 1 [...]

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