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Hi Au Pair mom!

I love your blog! I was an An Pair for 2 years for the same family and I had a great time during my program. I had my own blog where I’d share my experience as an Au Pair and I’d also read blogs from other Au Pairs, but I’d never read any from a host mom! It’s great to see the other side of the experience, and just from reading your blog I can tell you’re a great host mom.

Everything you say is true, you have great ideas (I love the one about sending the new Au Pair a welcome package at the hotel during orientation)!

Keep up with the blog, it’s helpful for many first time host mothers!!!

Hi all,
As a counselor ,I appreciate this blog because it helps me to better understand my host parents. I have no difficulty listening to anti-agency and anti-LLC comments. Aupairs are not disninclined to express their issues and families should have equal time. It is also very helpful for me to hear about practices of other agencies.
I would love to hear the candid opinions expressed by aupairs. Recently , an increasing number of aupairs tell me that they are accessing internet sites prior to arrival. I am also told ( by host moms ) that in our locale , a number of aupairs have their own
” independent ” cluster meetings without benefit of counselors. Anyone know anything about this ?
Happy Holidays

My previous au pairs were under the age of 21 so this was never an issue. Our year is up and we have selected an au pair that is 27 years old. How should we handle the issue of drinking? Given, no drinking and driving, but should we offer a glass of wine if we are having a glass with dinner and she is not going out? How about a beer at a BBQ in our backyard? What about if we take her to a restaurant with us and we order a bottle of wine? Should we share it with her?
Some advice on how you would handle would be greatly appreciated.

Thanks so much.

Sophie, I think it’s great that you want to help your HF match with their next AP! I don’t think I’d personally want my AP to do something as formal as a written recommendation, but I think that offering to talk to a prospective AP on the phone would be most welcomed by both your HF and the prospective AP. (This can be particularly helpful if the AP speaks your same native language, as it will give her an opportunity to ask questions and absorb the answers without frantically translating in her head!)

I think you’re right on the mark with wanting to be sure that the HF and AP “click” on their own as opposed to through your “mediation.” So my suggestion would be to wait until your HF has one or more APs that they are just about ready to match with before talking to the AP on the phone. Your input can be more of a “final screening” as opposed to happening at the beginning of the process. Mainly, I’d suggest just answering any questions the AP has about the HF, and then later giving the HF your general impressions about her personality, enthusiasm, etc. Of course, you could also ask any specific questions that your HF might suggest.

The other thing that might be helpful is to ask the AP what kind of HF she is looking for, and what kind of AP-HF relationship she is hoping to have, and then letting her (and the HF) know honestly whether you think they’d be a good “fit.” There’s obviously a huge range of “styles” of HF-AP relationships, and if each party has a different expectation, then both will be disappointed. (i.e., some families want an AP who doesn’t spend much time with the family outside of work hours, while some want an AP who is truly a “member of the family,” and the same is true of APs. Obviously an AP who wants more of a “welcome to the family” experience will be unhappy with a more distant family — and the family will struggle with the fact that the AP is “always around.” Or on the flip side, a more “independent” AP may feel overwhelmed by a family that pursues more of a relationship than she wants, and the family may be hurt that she retreats to her room or out with her friends as soon as she’s off duty.)