The original title I had for this post was “In which we address, once again, the issue of driving skills”. However, since that’s neither SEO-friendly, nor really helpful, let’s see if we can actually come up with ways to assess driving skill. Everyone who has ever driving a car can call say that s/he’s an experienced driver. 
But, who’s to say what “experienced” really means? Does it include driving a tractor? A Vespa? On country roads? Is three years enough, or might someone be a great driver with only one year on the road? From an au pair’s application, it can be awfully hard to tell whether s/he has what it takes to get behind the wheel with our kids in the back seat.
How to Assess an Au Pair’s Driving Skill
To assess driving skill, we can use:
- ‘# years driving – # moving violations’
- The au pair’s own explanation of his or her driving experience (on the application)
- Serious interviewing about driving (e.g., what kinds of driving situations make you tense?)
- Calls to his or her references to ask specifically about driving.
- Conversation with the applicant’s parent about her or his driving experience.
As an Anglo-American, I’m a big fan of direct, explicit inquiry. Imho, if you tell a person (the candidate or the reference) what you need in a driver and why driving is important, and mention safety, you’re likely to get the truth about actual skill level.
Can we assess attitudes about driving?
In addition to assessing the au pair’s driving experience, we also need to assess their attitude towards driving. Someone with less experience who seems committed to really learning how to drive in your specific American environment, in your family cars, might be better for you than someone with a lot of experience who is more careless.
If you follow classic management advice when interviewing Au Pairs, you should “hire for attitude and train for skill.”
What I’d really want to hear is respect for the challenges of driving, awareness of the importance of rules, enthusiasm about learning, and confidence without overconfidence. I wonder, what could we ask to get at these attributes? Here’s a specific question from Host Mom Nina:
I really need advice from experienced host moms (and dads) on this site:
I am having a panic attack. We are about to match with an au pair from Denmark. We like everything about her and she is the best candidate I have interviewed so far this year after 2 months of interviewing, except that I am not sure about her driving ability. On the application she said she drives frequently/regularly but after talking to her realized that’s only few times a month on weekends. It’s also mostly on country roads in a small town and sometimes on highways.
I was so “in love with her” otherwise that I didn’t pay enough attention to her driving, but this morning my husband told me that her driving worries him and now I’m lost… I promised her and 2 other girls I am interviewing that we’ll make the decision this weekend, so the pressure is on…
The nice thing is that I mentioned during our first conversation that I think she would need to practice more before she comes and the next time I called and asked what she will do that evening, she told me that she already borrowed a car from her sister to drive and practice and had to return it that night…I really liked that.
We have also interviewed another girl from Austria who drives more frequently and overall is not a bad candidate but don’t like her as much the one from Denmark.
I really like the girl from Denmark and I already matched with her in my mind, until my husband made that comment…
We will of course have few days with her to practice driving but still, she would come in January and who knows how the roads would be.
I just need and objective viewpoint and/or tips…Maybe someone even has an experience with someone from Denmark? I like her but don’t want to make a mistake by choosing her.
Thanks for your ideas, Nina
Two (temporary) parting thoughts: 1. Until someone comes up with a reliable online assessment of driving skill and driving attitude, we just have to ask a lot of questions and be ready to intervene once our au pair arrives. 2. If you are a potential au pair candidate, tell the honest to goodness truth about your driving experience, and be ready to talk a lot about driving in general.
Image: 4yr old driving her toy car! from stewartde
{ 33 comments }
When the au pair is from Denmark, her driving on snow is not what you should worry about. Most Americans seem to think driving on snow in the US is hard, but here the plow trucks are out before there’s more than an inch or two of snow on the ground. Ask her specific questions about what conditions she’s used to driving in, but snow shouldn’t be a big problem.
It’s also much, much harder to get your driver’s license in Scandinavian countries than in the US. I’m not sure about the exact rules in Denmark, but in Norway we need about 40h with an instructor, including driving on ice tracks, in the dark and on highways. I think you just need to ask some more precise questions if you wanna know more about her driving. That she doesn’t drive often is most likely because the public transportation in Denmark is really good, so not every one needs a car:)
And as long as she’s willing to learn, I would say the good feeling you have about this girl should mean more than the other more experienced driver. Good luck!:)
Our au pair from Finland also had extensive driver training in Finland and the driving exam there is significantly more involved than the US driving exam. Once she was here, however, driving with other American drivers on the road totally freaked her out and she became very reluctant to drive anywhere. We live in an urban area with very aggressive drivers and notorious traffic conditions. We explained this in our interviews and she expressed that she would get used to it. Her driving skills were good – she was a safe driver – but had very little “defensive driving” confidence because she had never really had to drive under the traffic conditions she was now asked to drive in. Once she lost her confidence, everytime she got behind the wheel her nerves got the better of her skills. So I would support your comment that the good feeling is important, and willingness to learn, but also think the type of driving they have done (and not just weather but rural/suburban/urban) is really important too.
For the first four years after I got my driver’s license, I was driving in a small Norwegian town with less than 15,000 people, the highest speed limits were 55mph, and no roads had two lanes. I’m now driving around Colorado, with speed limits of 75mph, I’m often driving in the road work-mess that is Denver, and 4-5 lanes are not a problem.
I don’t think you can ever be completely sure how someone will adapt to different driving conditions, but some times you just have to take the risk..:)
I was a great driver in my country (South America) but here is different with snow and wind. The driving test there is muuuuuch harder than here, but driving here is harder because of the rules.
I wouldn’t worry about it so much. The standards in Europe (or at least the most of it!) are very high. And we do have snow here too :).
Give her a ring and ask her what conditions she is used to driving in and how she’d feel about driving more often in the snow (because I personally would not drive when the roads are icy)
Just to explain: it really is not about the snow, but whether she’ll be able to safely start driving the kids regularly…
Thanks for all responses so far…
My driving questions that I send to prosepective au pairs when I think I’m interested in matching. I send by email, along with links to our DMV website, sample DMV questions, and rules for getting our state’s license. (Our APs have to get our state’s DL) and expect they provide written answers, then we discuss in a driving phone call.
We are in the unique situation/geography/town that we actually don’t *need* a driver but we would strongly prefer one — for both our and the AP’s benefit. (We live in a town, where from our house everthing is walking distance, including “fun” things, shopping, cinemas, banks, bars, schools, library, shops, cafes, restaurants, post office, bookstore, pharmacy, parks, YMCA etc.) But most of all, I want to know what I’m getting – driver or not, experienced or not, so that I can plan accordingly….
*What is your driving license number?
*When did you receive your license?
*Do you own a car?
*Does your family own a car?
*In whose car did you practice for your DL exam?
*When did you start practicing for your DL exam?
*When does your driving license expire?
*Have you ever driven alone in a car? How often do you do this?
*Have you driven with friends?
*Do your mother and/or father have driving licenses?
*Do your siblings (if any) have driving licenses?
*Have you looked at the X State Driving license website that I sent you?
*Do you understand the kind of questions that will be on the written test?
*What kind of cars have you driven?
*Have you ever driven a “minivan” or “van” or “SUV” type of car?
*Do you usually drive an automatic transmission or manual transmission?
*Have you ever driven a manual transmission (“Stick shift”) car?
*What is the furthest distance you have ever driven?
*What are the usual speed limits on the roads you drive on?
*What kind of bad weather have you driven in? (snow? heavy rain?)
*Have you ever driven on icy roads?
*Have you ever used a GPS navigation system?
*At home, when you need to figure out how to drive somewhere, how do you get directions?
*Have you ever gotten lost while driving? If so, what did you do?
*Have you ever been on a road trip (a driving trip to someplace far away) with a friend?
*Have you driven at night?
*How often do you drive at night?
*In your experience, how is driving at nighttime different from driving during the daytime?
*Have you ever driven with children in the car?
*Is it typical, or the law, in your country to use seatbelts?
*How often do you wear a seatbelt when driving?
*Do passengers in your car wear seatbelts?
*What do you do if a passenger in your car does not want to wear a seatbelt?
*Is it typical in your country/town to use “car seats” (baby and child restraint seats) for children?
*Have you ever put a child in a car seat?
*What would you do if you were driving with a child and the child unbuckled its seatbelt or got out of the child car seat?
*Is it illegal in your country to drink alcohol and drive a car?
Oh my gosh!
This looks like the definitive list of driving questions! Thanks so much for sharing them, hOstCDmom (is that OCD mom? clever…. ;-) ) cv
You got it CV….! Let’s just say, ahem, my choice of moniker wasn’t an coincidence, as the list above will attest!! ;-)
thanks for the list, I’ll definitelly use it…
Whoa. I would have loved to get a list like that when I was matching, instead of vague questions like “tell us about your driving experience”, because you never know what to say to those..:)
Holy cow! Why isn’t this in ANY of the agency materials or LCC advice?? Fabulous.
That’s why we’re here! :-) Public servant, CV, we thank you again!
I would add that it’s not unusual for an au pair to let slip something along the lines of “I’ve driven more here in a month than I have in the past year”. Don’t let it freak you out.
I think that CONFIDENCE is really important in making the transition to US driving, especially in intense suburban or fully urban areas. One summer my hub drove us through, around and out of Paris and then into Florence, where the traffic laws are guidelines and those who flinch lose. We had to buy separate insurance to take the rental car into Italy. It was NUTS. But there as here, it’s about confidence.
My first day behind the wheel in driver training, in an LA suburb, was at 5:00 or so in the evening. The instructor said OK, and led me through a series of turns that led to the onramp of the 405! He didn’t want us to have time to stress out about it. No one died. ;-)
And I got over the idea that freeway driving was harder than street driving. (Now of course, it’s stop and go half the time; this was back when you actually needed to get up to speed and merge!). Ah good times.
But as for au pairs and assessing their driving, it’s very hard to know for sure until they are here. Anyone who hesitates even a whiff you should dig much further.
BUT, having just had a lovely little “chat” with our own AP and counselor, I would strongly urge you to take a risk on driving vs taking a risk on personality! If you like the Dane better than the Austrian, for goodness sake don’t pick the Austrian. A great driver who isn’t a good personality fit is a guaranteed fail.
Hi. I am the Local Area Representative in the Boston area for one of the smaller agencies. I am writing an article for my blog about au pairs and driving, and I LOVE these questions! I would love to include them in my article, and would obviously give hOstCD Mom credit as well as reference the AUPair Mom blog. Please let me know if that’s okay. Keep up the good work! I love reading your blog. It’s inspiring.
When my HM asked me about this, I lie! I’m not proud but I said I drive my mom’s car (manual transmission) when my mom no even in my dreams will borrow me her car. I do got my DL years back but never drive after that because I didn’t have a car. After we match, before go to the US I took a 6 hour class for a Automatic car (the one I was going to drive as an AP). The first time I drive whit my HD, I was nervous as hell and he told me: I like how you drive!!! What a surprise! In my home country we don’t have snow, but I drove like 8 months before snow was back, and how was my first time I was VERY carefully. After 2 weeks driving I lost the fear to drive and I consider myself as a very good driver. During my 2 years as an AP I never had a car accident or anything happen to the car. Bottom line, another AP with her own car in her home country crash the family car the first time she drove in snow. Other Germany AP crash the car in summer, her family just pick AP from countries where have snow, so they have experience. So I think is just matter of luck and that she is really willing to learn and has common sense.
I AM a great driver in my country, but when I was driving with HD in Wisconsin I gotta say I was awful. It was an awful traffic, he was yelling with someone from a taxi company on the phone and trying to show me the way with his hands, first on the highway and later on some tiny streets full of construction work. He was so stresses with the whole thing that he started to yell w me at the same time that on the phone.
I FREAKED OUT.
He made me stop and called me a lier, that I never drove and blah blah blah. (BTW, I’ve had @ the moment 3 years of lisence). The next day, LCC came to the house and before she could say a word I said I was leaving the house. Call me a lot of stuff, NEVER a liar.
I agree so much with the statement, “Hire for attitude” and then train on this one. I spent a LOT of time trying to find au pairs with great attitude and who were open to the whole AP experience from bonding with my kids and learning English, etc., that I probably glossed over the driving part. HOWEVER, we have had very few problems with the driving because the three AP’s we have had were honest about their driving experience and most importantly were open to our feedback about best practices driving in the US — from no talking on the phone to being cautious and not taking the car on the highway without our prior permission. I think that an overall cautious, careful AP who has not competely lied about her driving during the interview will be able to rise to the ocassion here. I would not worry about this girl especially since she’s from W. Europe. Mine were not and they still have done fine.
We asked our first AP, in the telephone interview, “How long have you had a driver’s license?” and she answered, “I have owned a car for two years.” (Yes, she had, but she had also just paid for her driver’s license the old fashioned way – slipping a bribe to the examiner.) When she arrived, it became readily apparent when she arrived that she didn’t know how to drive. At the time we had two babies, so DH actually had time to teach her to drive (now my kids are in so many after school activities it’s hard to parse out time). But that experience taught us to listen to the answers carefully! She ended up being a good driver (having a boyfriend 45 minutes away by car helped a lot).
And so, we asked better questions, but not as thorough as hOstCDmom! We had another Brazilian AP who was an excellent driver and two European APs who arrived with good driving skills and had to learn to handle city traffic. And then we matched with a Chinese AP, even though we had been warned. She never really got a sense of space – she drove okay, but starting and stopping the vehicle eluded her (because it involved maneuvering into a parking space). Our current AP is European, and while she blinked twice the first time I maneuvered through rush hour traffic on a major highway, she handled the vehicle fine when it was her turn. She now drives on that highway regularly to visit friends. We trust her enough to say “okay” to driving the AP car to another city.
To cut down on deception, ask the AP to name locations where she drives, when does she drive (e.g. evenings, weekends, once a month) not just does she drive. Ask her to name destinations (so you can mapquest it), how often. We ask AP’s whether they like to drive, because quite frankly, just because you have a driver’s license doesn’t mean you enjoy driving (it took me a couple of years to enjoy it myself). Ask what is the furthest destination to which they have driven, again, so you can mapquest it. Ask if they have ever driven the car to another city without their parents. My first European AP drove to her high school, which was 40 minutes from her village, while my second European AP was a reluctant driver at home. Both did fine.
There is nothing you can do to guarantee that the AP is absolutely honest about her driving skills. There is no special bubble to protect your vehicle from accidents while she drives it. But if she is from European, you can be guaranteed that the training she received before she qualified for her license was rigorous (and a huge financial commitment compared to the US). Even if there is a learning curve to adapt to your community, chances are with some road time it won’t take her long to adjust.
This doesn’t help for the original poster but another thing to find out about when interviewing is how old the legal age to get her learners permit and then driving license is. And then ask when she got it and why she got it straight away or didn’t.
Where i’m from you can get your learners permit at 16 and then your probationary drivers license at 18 and then a full license 3/4 years later – depends on the state. I got my LP at 17 and my PL a year later, i got my P’s before i was super comfortable going for them because to apply with my company you needed to have your license. But it worked out fine in the end and i’d like to think i’m a good and safe driver.
For the OP – my HF’s next au pair arrives in 2 weeks and she’s only been driving for a year on country roads in a small town. They loved everything else about her and chose her over other girls who had a lot more driving experience and i don’t think they’ll regret it. She’ll be taking a defensive driving course when she gets over here and will have to get her state drivers license before she can drive the kids. Since we have toddlers she doesn’t need to be driving straight away. I think that you should go with your gut and get the Danish girl, she’s already proven that she’s willing to practice more and i think it shows good initiative that she’d borrowed a car so she could get more driving hours in.
I agree about asking where/when she drives specifically. I see the “daily driver” on almost all the apps and have a hard time believing it. If they have a job, ask if they drive to work. If not, then where do they drive “daily”. Do they have a car they use exclusively? If not, whose car and how often? Also, if they live in a country with snowy winters but have never driven in snow, this should be a red flag.
We state in our HF HB that if she lies about her driving ability and it turns out that she can’t drive well enough, that it is grounds for immediate rematch. We NEED a driver from the start.
As an aside, how do you “force” your AP to get their DL? We told AP3 that she needed to within 60 days. Finally at 90 days she took the test (when I threatened to stop letting her use the car for personal use) but failed. I encouraged her to study and try again. Fast forward to 8 mos, she has yet to retake it! FWIW, her actual driving is fine – she just won’t get her license and it’s driving me nuts. I’ve thought about limiting off-duty driving to classes and cluster meetings until the DL is obtained, (with the next that is, too late with this one). Any thoughts?
We don’t let them drive until they get the DL. Unless they are from a few countries that our state does not permit to drive at all on an IDP (bc their country doesn’t participate in the IDP convention and/or doesn’t offer reciprocity to the USA) we drive with them to assess, practice. Then they must take the test. We don’t permit them to drive for any reason w/o the state DL, and our insurance will not cover them without their getting the state DL. This rule is a strong motivator to get the DL, and our situation is such that we can live without a driver so we can make this a carte blance rule, black and white. (Although, if I had an AP who could drive but couldn’t be arsed to get the state DL, I would see that as a HUGE red flag about commitment and willingness to step up and be an independent, responsible, adult employee.)
Re your situation, where it appears it is legal for your AP to drive w/o the state DL, and you obviously don’t have an insurance issue, but you want her to do so as part of the job/as a benchmark of her ability and willingness to demonstrate it, I would simply tell AP that her personal driving privileges are contingent upon her getting the state DL, and after X date she won’t be permitted to drive without it.
It’s funny, but our state website says that you must get a DL within 60 days, but so far, our LCC says not so (since she is not a “resident of VA” and has a valid IDL) and of course, unless she gets pulled over and cited, who knows. Our insurance would be cheaper if she had one and this is one of my primary motivators. But now, as you noted, it’s a matter of principal, that she agreed to it as part of accepting the job but instead won’t do it. We only have a few months left and she IS a good enough driver, so while I could buckle down on her now, I won’t because it WILL make the last few months misery and I can’t deal with that in addition to the host of other shit I am currently dealing with (writing this from a ship in the middle east…) so, I guess the next AP will get the benefit :) BTW – we NEED a driver to get DDs to school from day one, so outlawing ALL driving until they get the DL wouldn’t work for us.
HRHM,
you LCC is wrong; I also live in VA, and since au pairs live here a whole year, they are treated as residents in this respect and have to get the DL within the first 60 days. I know it for sure, every one of my 5 au pairs did this.
I tell my au pairs this outright, and if they don’t do it (because of paperwork, they have to get on it fast – they need a statement from the bank and SSN card to apply for license) – I dont’ allow them to drive after 60 days.
As a LEO in VA, I can vouch for this one. It is illegal for someone from another country to drive here after they pass “visitor” status (and moving here on a J1 Visa to work for 12 months means NOT a visitor from the time they get off the plane; after all, they are not on a visitor Visa, right?). The “International License” is not a license, but a legal translation of their home country’s license. Anything else called an “international license” is illegal – there is no such thing (but I know several places folks can buy one for anywhere from $20 to $100, depending on how “legal” they want it to appear). ;)
In VA, there are 3 countries which have exceptions to the whole licensing process (as far as their home licenses are valid on their face in Virginia, and they are able to get a VA license with minimal effort): Canada, Germany, & France. Those are treated as someone from another state are and do not have to take to road skills test or written exam.
Due to insurance reasons, we also do not allow any AP to drive our cars until after they have their VA license and are then able to be covered financially for us. Well, that and the whole legal driver thing. It might not look so good to have someone who is legally an “unlicensed driver” using our cars.
In Maryland it is different, APs are treated as non-residents and are permitted to use an international driver’s license or their home license for the term of their visa. Maryland recently changed the laws so that if an AP does get a driver’s license, it expires with her visa and if she extends, she must reapply. We encourage our APs to get a license because it’s a better piece of ID to carry around than a passport when traveling, because it shows they’ve master the rules of the road in English, and because we won’t extend with them without it. We pay all of the costs associated with the license, but leave it up to them to navigate our motor vehicle office on the grounds that APs are adults.
Thank you all for great suggestions: I’ve sent the driving questions to my husband who is going to interview the potential Au Pair today….We’ll see what he thinks and I’m sure that using the questions above he’ll get a really good understanding where, how often etc she drives…
We also need a driver pretty much as soon as she comes here so that makes everything a bit more complicated, but I am thinking about alternatives for the first 2 weeks, depending how we’ll feel she is driving once she gets here.
So far I didn’t even consider those thatd rive sometimes, but depending on the agency you sometimes only get: often, sometiems, never like in this case, while in other agencies you get frequency by week.
Anyone here had an Au Pair from Denmark before: overall opinion on their driving would be appreciated.
Thanks,
Nina
Not Denmark per se, but our German au pairs were both of the same ilk as yours — they drove only occasionally at home (one car per family!), on village roads, and were very, very nervous and intimidated on arrival. All worked out just fine. You will need to spend a lot of time those first few weeks with them in your car. But that’s going to be the case for ANYONE I don’t care how much experience they have. There’s just no getting around it. That’s just commonsense before you let someone with no experience in your area and your country take your car out, let alone with your kids in tow.
I would encourage her to continue to practice at home like she is doing. It sounds like she’s got the attitude in place and that’s really important.
We matched: my husband spoke to the potential candidate from Denmark and she sounded confident in her driving abilities, she gave him examples, etc…As he said, the only thing we can do is believe her. She will have access to car soon and said she will practice on a daily basis before she comes. So we matched and I am happy right now. Hope that her driving will get up to speed once she gets here.
Thanks for all the ideas!
Nina
Nina,
I’m a new host mom and I just asked for a rematch this evening because I hadn’t done my homework about driving and I assumed everything would be OK because the AP I matched with stated on her application that she drives “8 – 10 hours per week.” When I took her out for a test-drive she drove right through a stop sign. She had the skill level of a HS student here in NJ who has just received a LP. After several days of agonizing over it, I decided that it’s just not worth it to put my children at risk by letting her drive them. My son goes to a private pre-school that is not within walking distance of my house, so I need an AP who can drive. She’s a lovely girl, but I have to be realistic. I can’t arrange rides for my kids every day – that was a big part of the appeal of getting an AP in the first place.
Anyway, I’m very curious to hear how things are going with the Danish AP. Can you give us an update?
Hi,
As I am in process of matrching with my next yeasr Au Pairs I am browisngthrough this website and saw my original post. Here is an update on our Danish Au Pair:
1. We love her!
2. Driving: I was very nervous in the beginning. I could see though that she was a carefull driver and that she knew how to drive, but we practiced much more than I first expected, everyday- multiple times. I ended up being a passenger in her car while she was driving the kids for a week and maybe even more, and we payed one driving lesson. Overall she is a good driver, but she definitelly needed some specific instructions. She was open to our feedback and that defuinitelly helped.
Still Au Pairs driving skills make me always nervous.
I agree with prevoous posters: ask carefully where they are driving right now, do they own their car, what roads are they driving on, etc..And there is a higher likelihhod that those from Western and Northern Europe drove more than those from Eastern Europe.
GL to all,
Nina
Hi Moms! We are getting ready to welcome our new AP and have been trying to locate car rules/guidelines. I did a very quick search on the website and could not find it, so was hoping someone might know. Our handbook is very detailed and specific, but since we had to teach our last AP to drive and it took several months, we didn’t have a driving section included as it was a slow and gradual process. Thanks!
Car rules? Do we have car rules….
Here’s a basic list, from a page called…Using the Car:
http://aupairmom.com/au-pair-guidelines/using-the-car/
For more examples, check the pages/category called: Cars and Driving
The other sample handbooks have full pages of car rules, too
Sample Handbook from a Reader : http://aupairmom.com/sample-handbook-from-a-reader/2009/03/03/celiaharquail/
http://aupairmom.com/au-pair-guidelines/sample-handbook-2-from-cc-family/
If you’ve got some great guidelines that we’ve missed, we’re always looking for sample handbooks!!
txs
I also used the questions above from hOstCDmom to create our list of rules. And I went with what I know is going to be a huge no-no: drinking, smoking, someone else driving, loud volume when the kids are in the car. Your list will continue to evolve as subsequent APs do something to add to the list (not telling us about damage or broken things is now a huge thing, after the previous AP did damage she never mentioned, then tried to blame HD on some of it – we now cannot use it as a spare kids’ transport because of it, so that is an issue).
And when I bring out the list of car rules, I make a point of mentioning that things are on the list likely because it was done in the past, so they are following in someone else’s footsteps. Many of the rules are bendable or can be eased up on, like the “how far”restrictions that the previous had. Our new AP has no such restriction and has had much more freedom with our cars than the previous one, simply due to her level of maturity and responsibility.
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