5 Secrets of Good Au Pair Host Parents

by cv harquail on June 10, 2012

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I was tidying up my desk this morning, preparing to get back in the saddle with AuPairMom posts, and I found this post-it note to myself:


Did I ever write this post? I can’t tell, so here it is!


What makes for a Good Au Pair Host Parent?

In my experience talking with host parents these past 13 years, I’ve noticed that all of the good host parents have these 5 qualities:

1. Good Host Parents are Prepared.

They have a handbook, family routines, and family principles — all of which they intend to follow with their au pair.

They have done the necessary physical and emotional preparation for welcoming and au pair.

2. Good Host Parents are Realistic.

They don’t expect their au pair to be Mary Poppins, to solve every child care-related problem, or to be able to shape the dhildren’s behavior without support from the parents.

They know that having an au pair is challenging to the parents and the family system, and they balance these concerns with an appreciation for what an au pair relationsip can bring their family.

3. Good Host Parents are Forgiving.

They understand that they will make some mistakes, and that their au pair will make some mistakes. Good host parents expect to address mistakes and move on.

They are ready to apologize, and they are ready to coach an au pair through a conversation about how to make something right.

4. Good Host Parents are Flexible.

They know that life is unpredictable, and that both good and not-so-good changes to our situations demand that we change our responses. Even more, they know that as they grow as parents, as their children grow, and as their au pair grows, * everybody* will need to adapt to these changes over the course of the au pair year.

They will give a little when their au pair needs help, and they will expect the au pair to give a little when the family needs help.

5. Good Host Parents are Oriented Towards Adventure.

When you and your family approach life as an adventure, it’s easier to surf or embrace change and to treat challenges as invitations to grow.

Every au pair is on his or her own adventure, and this should invite you to respond in kind, by seeing your relationship with your au pair as a chance for your family to have an adventure.

In my opinion, this opportunity is the biggest benefit of having an au pair rather than another kind of caregiver.


How does your family & host parent approach reflect these 5 qualities?

If you already have these qualities, how can you enhance them? If you’re short on one of two of these, how might you develop these qualities?

When people ask me if I’d recommend they get an au pair, I look for these qualities in them before telling them yes.  If I were an au pair, I’d be interviewing potential host families to see if they demonstrated any of these qualities, too.

Here’s a question for all of you Good Host Parents out there:

What’s on your list of secrets?


Image: Big brother shirt- owl secret big brother to be t shirt available on Etsy.


OpinionatedHM June 12, 2012 at 12:25 am

Good host parents follow the rules. I’ve had many of my aupair’s friends ask for advice on how to approach their host parents about something and it always boils down to someone bending the rules which leads to misunderstanding and resentment or hurt feelings. Working more than 45hrs a week is a common problem area. If you stick to the rules, no matter how tempting it is to bend them, you will always have a clear path to resolving misunderstandings.

Gianna June 12, 2012 at 9:27 am

I am inclined to agree with this . I’ve had the same experience , heard the same stories. Not paying aupairs on time is another biggie. Following the rules puts you on firm footing and sets a good example. Do unto others , etc. Glitches always come along but they are more easily resolved when there hasn’t been any fudging with the rules .

EU.AP June 12, 2012 at 10:41 am

The big complaint I have heard from friends is not knowing when you’re “on”, this is especially confusing when there is a parent home. For me it’s different, I don’t live with my family, though I’m still technically an au pair. It is quite clear that when I am there, I am working, and my host mom is great with letting me know if I can go home early (we have a very clear schedule, that some au pairs don’t get.)

This is something I think host parents should consider.

One day your own children will enter the work force. They will be out of their element, inexperienced, and somewhat unsure of their rights as an employee — think a sixteen year old with their first job. Do you want their future employer to exploit that?

If they failed to be paid on time, worked long hours without a break, and weren’t relieved from their shift when they were supposed to be, what would you tell them?

Burning out your au pair won’t do anyone any good, least of all your children. Be a responsible employer.

Taking a Computer Lunch June 12, 2012 at 5:22 pm

I would add, good HP communicate. While I do my best to schedule my AP for the following month by the 3rd week every month, things come up – a last minute band concert, a request from a boss to make a presentation, or a party invitation. The same thing happens to my AP, but no one change achieve a change in the schedule if they don’t talk. I realize that my AP’s eyes might want to roll at a last-minute request (especially when it’s that kid who has been up all night and now has forced her to cancel her lunch plans – sorry, hon, I’m going to work on no sleep).

Communicate doesn’t mean just talk “at” your AP, talk “with” her. Ask her about her day, learn the names of her friends, ask if she has plans. If there’s a special event in your city that will happen once during her year, tell her about it. “You may not realize that people come from all over the world to see this, but…” Take time to point out variations in her schedule while she’s still on the clock, “As you see, next week X has a doctor’s appointment, I’ll meet you at the office, please bring her by Y.”

The shy AP may need an invitation to join you in a routine family activity, like a child’s sporting event or a band concert and the outgoing AP may need a reminder that the child would appreciate her presence so she doesn’t book that time. Communication opens the way to inclusion, as well as acceptance when the invitation is rejected.

Floris June 13, 2012 at 1:56 am

Above all, treat an Au Pair as a member of the family, not a domestic slave. Communication goes both ways. If the Au Pair feels secure, she will tell you everything. What I miss is that you should help the Au Pair finding and connecting with other Au Pairs or people of their age. It is a cultural exchange program. An Au Aupair should go out and explore the country she is in. That is why we just started our own Au Pair website (for free now since we launched it 1 week ago), http://www.bestaupair4u.com where Au Pairs can stay a member for free and also meet other Au Pairs. When an Au Pair feels alone, has no means to explore the country, do sports etc, nobody will benefit.

Alex @ ifs ands & butts June 18, 2012 at 1:43 pm

As I am concluding my first experience as an au pair before embarking upon my second, I think it is also important to include being organized and scheduling. Me and my other au pair friends find it so frustrating when we don’t know things ahead of time because then we cannot make plans.

I also think it is really nice to allow your au pair to have friends over in a reasonable manner. I am allowed to and it makes worlds of difference. If you want us to feel at home, we should be allowed to treat it like a home and invite our friends in.

Lastly, I think it is important to remember why the au pair decided to be an au pair. Do they want to travel? Make sure you allow them the time. Do they want to learn the language? Help them out.

Calif Mom June 18, 2012 at 1:53 pm

We seem to never have enough time for the very first item on your list. (And it’s a good list!) We are fantastic at flexibility, realistic standards, forgiveness of slip-ups, and absolutely approach life as an adventure. But I never seem to have enough time at the approach of the arrival date of the new au pair to do all the welcoming and organizing activities that I plan. Part of this is because transitions are so darn hard on everyone! When the kids are stressed/sad about saying goodbye, and worried about what hello may bring (we’ve had some not-great hellos, and another rocky spring, sorry to say, due to desperation matches we should never have made but had to, due to work demands) that Mama ends up spending a lot of time bolstering the family unit. Which means that list of activities and perfectly updated handbook has to wait.

Another element is that host dad does not quite put the same level of priority on some of those tasks that I do, so when something has to be cut from our list of chores, it’s usually my haircuts and other “maintenance” kinds of activities.

Or else I end up doing a lot of au pair-related work during my work day, then staying late to make up the work work!

Also, I’ve decided that it isn’t us, it really is much more difficult to hire an au pair for older kids (now upper elementary and middle school) than it was when they were younger. Now we need someone who values university more than clubbing. When the kids were little, it didn’t matter and I could overlook a lot of not-perfect traits. The first au pair we really loved was fantastic, stayed with us two years, but she couldn’t do the job today because the kids’ needs are so different (mine are different, too, truth be told).

Don’t get me wrong; we always freshen up the room (I have a born-organized child who LOVES having permission to be in the au pair’s room with me in between au pairs and she likes getting their room all ready; it helps her transition emotionally, too) but we rarely have much fanfare.

The follow on question is a good one: What are you doing about this? I’m going to tap my current au pair and ask HER to start writing down some of her best tips, favorite places to take the kids, and fool-proof kitchen projects. I will ask her to write down her favorite places to shop for good bargains, and the low-down on the local gyms, etc. Having a draft of her ideas to start with will be a big help.

I’m going to print out the summer’s calendar, fill in what I can, and establish expectations with the kids that chores are not optional; they are the price of admission to summer fun.

At least it’s a start! Now I just have to match… :)

Calif Mom June 20, 2012 at 10:04 pm

After a particularly rocky morning with a beloved au pair, I assigned the kids to write down their own “principles” for how they will interact with their new au pair when she arrives later this summer. Gold! Those pages are going into our handbook. It’s kind of like when teachers sit down with the classes at the beginning of the school year and they make a pact about how they want to be treated and what behaviors support those interactions best.

Oooh, CV, then they can write a mission statement, and a vision…. and ….

needy aupairrrr July 6, 2012 at 11:56 am

Hi everyone.
I’m an aupair and this web is helping me soo much… I’d like to try help others too.
I believe you have to understand both sides of the parties to make the best in your job so, as an aupair Id like to add some tips for u to be a better host parent if possible.
I think they are quite reasonable but I let u decide ;)

– A good host parent should respect the aupair’s shift. In a family you need flexibility and an aupair is great help, however, if they (HF) keep getting late for any reason (during several times, while the aupair is being punctual of course) they should reward the aupair with something (finishing her duties earlier on a friday, cooking something special, getting earlier one day… as HF wish).
The aupair’s (my opinion) job is not that easy or light as some host parents might think. Some aupairs (me) take their job for real and try to make their best every single day. The kids arent hers, sometimes she would love to stay off duty, but this might not become a MUST cause HF is getting home late most of the night. She works X number of hours and she would feel you are taking advantage of her.
Remember that an aupair is and isnt part of the family (and younger)so she would feel very akward when she lets you know she just doesnt want to stay with your kids for longer.

– A good host parent should understand (or try to) special behaviours the aupair needs to take with your kids in specific times:
She is taking care of your children, she is helping you raise them. She is still a young adult! There will be times that with reason your aupair will need to tell them off, forbid them do something or just get angry with them.
Personally, I dont like it when my toddler hits me over and over again (and really hard). Ok, he is a baby, but there’s limits for everyone. He needs to learn and if it doesn’t work with cuddles and love then I’ll try put him to bed for a while (and he cries but he just needs to understand somehow that is not right).
If she constantly shouts or get mad very easily then it’s time to talk to her, but if she tries her best there’s no reason to blame her.

-If any aupair’s item is damaged or broken by the HF or the kids, a good host parent should replace it.
My baby smashed my brand new cellphone into the floor and it has no use now (no, I didn’t offer him to hold it, it wasnt in his playground, I wasnt on duty) after 5 monthes I still use an old Nokia.

– A good host parent should provide the aupair’s special needs.
I’m lactose intolerant and I dont like sugar cereals. All bran (or fibre no brand) and long life soya isnt that much for them (It is for me).
The extra choc chip cookies, fizzy drink and treats(like expensive fruit -mango-or chocolate) are on me. Those are my treats and I can live without them. Just to mention, If the aupair buys these items… the family is not welcome to eat them all just because she leaves it in the kitchen… She paid for them.

– A good host parent should welcome the aupair to share common areas and have some family time from time to time.
I’ve only once shared a meal with them (birthday) and never sat and watch telly. They won’t tell me to leave, but they dont feel happy at all. I really love to give them their family time, but sometimes I feel a bit homeless. This is a very special case for what I read… but it’s my case.

– A good host parent should try to dress properly.
We, aupairs, come from different cultures. How many times I’ve seen my HD naked… or in underwear. I know it’s his house but now he’s sharing it with a non family member.
ANd for us, —the aupair should dress in a appropiate way while on duty (I work with a baby so I always try to wear white..they can see my clothes are clean if I hold the baby…)- No too short skirts, no too small shirts… CLEAN… she has to give a good example.

– If the aupair has to cook, it should be just for the kids. That’s her duty to feed them, but not HF.
This don’t happen to me too much but It’s the aupair’s choice if they’d like to cook for them or not, they are grown ups. If I make extra food they are welcome to eat, it’s their food. If they ask me to do something I will but I’m not their maid.

-A good host family respects the aupair’s room, possesions and free time.
It’s hard to believe but some HF do not knock before enter. Or enter when an aupair’s not home.
Don’t be nosy, HF, this can break a whole program. And a tidy and organiced aupair would know u were there!

– A good HF should schedule the babysitting days before the aupair’s gotten out or already made plans.
Flexibility, YES OF COURSE. But when you expect AP to get home in two hours when she’s in another town (and weekend) cause you decided to dinner out is not fair.
The weekday nights HP decide to go out when children are sleeping also count as babysitting time! No problem if your aupair babysitts more or less one week but keep on mind that even if she doesnt have plans it’s still a job.

well, mostly its my personal experience, I guess this should work the other way too (they are some horrible aupairs out there that need to learn these points too)
hope it helps

A Host Mom July 15, 2012 at 9:59 pm

I have a question about extending. My current au pair has extended, so she is dealing with friends leaving. In fact, her closest friends left last week, so for the two weeks prior to their departure and now for the past week, she has been moping around. I understand that it is hard to let your friends leave, but we’re on week 3 of long faces, lack of enthusiasm about anything, and accompanying lack of focus. Is there a certain amount of time that has to pass before I say “snap outta it”? I’m trying to be understanding but I’m starting to lose my patience.

DCMomof3 July 25, 2012 at 9:25 am

I think its good to have an extension conversation. The extension conversation should start with expectations for the year – same or better than previous year. But also, ask her what she expects to get out of the second year? More travel? New friends? New courses? This can prompt her to tell you what is going on, but also can be an opportunity for a pep talk that she may well need. Maybe say we understand that your friends are leaving, but you committed to stay for a second year so now is the time for you to get yourself involved in some activities that will allow you to make new friends. You might also have to do some of this for her – get community college catalogs, flyers for gym memberships, etc. so that she can have some tangible things to look at and to help her think about how to constructively plan her second year.

Taking a Computer Lunch July 25, 2012 at 12:07 pm

DCMomof3 has good suggestions. If you LCC is on the ball, I would contact her. She’s seen it before, and can call your au pair to chat and see how things are going. I assume new APs are coming into your cluster (my LCC sends out notices of arrivals that both APs and HFs receive). Suggest that she invite a new arrival out for coffee. Tell her you know it won’t be the same as her best friends who are leaving, but that doesn’t mean it won’t be good.

The end of the first year, regardless of whether your AP is extending or not, is full of emotional turmoil. For many APs, other than getting on a plane to come to a new country, it is their first time saying goodbye (rather than see you later). Having done a year abroad as a student when I was their age, I will say, that I formed intense personal relationships with my fellow students, and felt a great sense of dislocation when we were separated. Telling her to snap out of it won’t work.

I’m in countdown month myself, as my wonderful AP prepares to enter her travel month, but she’s watching friends who have extended with other families move away, and attending a seemingly endless parade of goodbye parties. This is my first AP who has continued with the same excellent job, not letting her sadness get in the way of work.

But hey, it’s still summer! It’s okay to tell your AP, “I know it’s sad to say goodbye to your friends, and to feel left behind. The kids still adore you, so let’s go out for ice cream tonight… or we’re heading to the pool for a quick swim, please join us… Work a little extra to get her out and involved.

hm2 July 25, 2012 at 12:47 pm

Many years ago I worked as an AP and was lucky enough to be introduced to a church youth group in the very beginning of my year. This way I met a great number of local people and as time went by I met more locals through a college class. There are, of course, many advantages to be close friends with other APs as they know exactly what is going on in an APs life. However, there are also a lot of benefits in befriending locals and maybe that’s something to remind APs of – after all they come to the US to see the American way of life and there is so much more to it than what they see at a HF’s home and through the eyes of their AP friends. As an additional plus locals tend to stay around whereas the AP friends leave at some point.

A Host Mom July 25, 2012 at 2:27 pm

Thanks for the responses. However, due to other issues, we decided to rematch.

Should be working July 25, 2012 at 6:27 pm

Are you willing to say more? There have been other debates here about the benefits and disadvantages of extending. Are you rematching owing to anything having to do with the extension? I’m always casually gathering data…

A Host Mom August 2, 2012 at 10:58 am

In short, life has moved on at home without her (friends getting married, having babies, etc.) and she feels she was missing out on too much at home, which, as a result, has greatly affected her work ethic. In the end, it is the right decision but it is costing me a bundle (if she told me 2 weeks earlier, I would not have been penalized for this stint). In the future, I’m not sure I would offer to extend again unless I knew the au pair had some other connections keeping her here (i.e. other friends extending, boyfriend, etc.).

Calif Mom July 31, 2012 at 5:48 pm

Thanking you again for this timely post, CV. Just goes to show we can all find room for improvement and actually do something about it.

I have a pretty-well-updated handbook– two whole days before New AP arrives… I already welcomed her to the hotel. And had the kids fax a greeting–the banner for her room will be made tomorrow. I will pick up a starbucks card and flowers. Local maps and guides are in her room, and the ones from 2008 have been removed. Even got the car detailed.

Checklists and starting early were the key. Not to mention teleworking this week! :D

When did I get so on top of this? (Fear is a great motivator…. :-)

Taking a Computer Lunch August 1, 2012 at 7:13 am

My APs have never arrived at the orientation hotel at a reasonable time to have dinner so I usually order a food platter – fruit, veggies, cheese & crackers for her and her roommates to eat. One year I set DH to the task and he was convinced to order a chocolate basket – not what anyone wants to eat in the middle of the night!

DH and I take off the few days that we call “au pair switchout” – we drive the outgoing AP to the airport to send her off on her travel month, and then he cares for the kids while I clean the AP room in earnest (getting down on my hands and knees to vaccuum the corners of the carpets and wipe the molding around the floors even). This year, after 4 years of APs, I intend to get a professional carpet/grout cleaner in to clean the AP room and the basement playroom, as well to clean the grout in all our bathrooms. That will reduce my work.

Here are some things I try to lay out:
– bus schedules for our neighborhood stops
– a bus/subway pass with $20 loaded to get her started
– a sheet of international stamps
– some $1 toiletry samples from Target
– calomine lotion & insect repellent
– brochures with local information
– refresh the local tourist guides if they’ve become too old

This year, because our area now charges 5 cents for each plastic bag used in stores, I’ve ordered a monogrammed tote bag with long handles from LL Bean, so the incoming au pair doesn’t have to use our dirty grocery shopping cloth bags when she shops. And because we have a swimming pool, I’ve ordered a swim towel with her name on it (so she can tell child #2 – “Don’t use that – it’s mine!”)

Calif Mom August 1, 2012 at 1:08 pm

Just added a list of local places where you can get free wi-fi to the handbook.

Should be working August 1, 2012 at 2:22 pm

We’re on the same schedule, also welcoming new AP in 3 days! I need to get on the ball with preparation. Room is perfectly ready, need toiletries and a few other things. AND especially to clean the house and make it look so great–so that she thinks that is how we always live and will strive to keep it that way…..?

Au pair August 1, 2012 at 2:42 pm

Haha, this is so funny:) when i arrived almost 2 years ago, my hf house looked great!! Sooo clean! I was like, holy cow, i have some work the next year;) ( didn’t know at that time that i stay longer) so i cleaned the house every day, so just that it looked like it when i took it over;) after a couple months my hostmom said: i think i need to fire the cleaners, you do a mch better job;) haha that was funny;) well she didn’t do it tho;)

Calif Mom August 2, 2012 at 11:59 am

we should all be so lucky! usually there is a burst of effort to keep things tidy at the beginning, which slides in a few weeks… :D

davep August 2, 2012 at 10:05 am

My wife and I are expecting twins at the end of the year and decided to go the au pair route for care (have friends who have done it, and have a friend who’s a CC LCC) and are in the first stages of selecting an au pair.

This site is really a tremendous help :)

I think we’re doing OK, but every time I read an article here I learn something new…

Calif Mom August 2, 2012 at 12:02 pm

Congrats, Dave!

If this blog had existed when we started hosting I would have much different tales to tell, that’s for sure, and probably a much better track record! It is really a gift from –and to– us all.

Good luck finding a great match.

Leslie Goldsworthy August 12, 2012 at 8:58 am

I love just having a break from studying and stopping by your blog. I just wish you posted more often.

cv harquail August 12, 2012 at 8:18 pm

Me too! Just totally busy. On the plus side, there are hundreds — and I mean hundreds — of pages to browse through for tidbits! cvh

HF with twins October 22, 2012 at 9:41 pm

I will be welcoming my first Au Pair this week and after reading all comments I started to worry. I feel that instead of getting help with my kids when I will be working, I am getting someone that I will have to cater to and entertain (and to her family as well if they decide to visit). I keep reading about Au PAir rights, but how about their responsibilities? Am I wrong in thinking that it is actually job for Au Pair to take care of my kids and not something that she will try to fit in in between her English classes and partying?

Amy October 22, 2012 at 9:50 pm

She is supposed to be there to make your life easier. Yes she has rights, but so do you. She is responsible for your kids. Nothing else. If you stick to that, don’t go over the 45h a week and 10h a day you should be fine. I don’t know how old your kids are, but in case they are still napping, nap does count as working.! If you follow the rules she hopefully will as well. There are bad au pairs, but also really good ones. I hope you got a great one.! If there are problems, adress them right away, and not 2 days later! Also don’t see her only as the caregiver of your kids but also as a family member. There are scary stories out here, but don’t let those pull you down. You need to experienced yourself! Good luck!! Where is your au pair from?

Dorsi October 22, 2012 at 11:04 pm

Remember that people come here to comment when there are problems. There are lots of boring weeks and months in my Au Pair relationships because we both live up to our end of the bargain (some APs more than others) and there is very little friction. There are lots of posts on here that are about setting the right tone, making a clear manual, and welcoming an AP. Read those well before your new AP arrives and don’t spend too much on the various problem areas. You do have to put quite a bit into the relationship (more than a daycare or a nanny), but I think you are more than paid back with flexible and affordable child care.

The biggest mistake we all make is to start friendly, accomodating and then become more business-like (There is a thread on this). Don’t do that! Start serious, with high expectations and loosen them as you see fit. Set a schedule for your first few days (I think there is a whole thread on that). Make it clear that this is a serious and important job.

EmmieJane October 22, 2012 at 11:34 pm

There is no question that having an au pair is more work than having someone come to your house watch your kids and then leave. You have to help them adjust get social security card, bank account, figure out classes, and in my experience brush up on driving etc…

That said, I love the flexibility. I set her schedule a week in advance, but although there are elements of the schedule that are the same every week, I also make changes every week to better meet my needs and schedule (drs appointment, date night, running errands, girls night out, etc…). For instance, I want to go out with one of my girlfriends on Thursday night, but my husband needs to go pick someone up from the airport at 10p. This is the childcare option where asking in advance my au pair can be with the sleeping kids from 10p-10:45p-no problem. I don’t have to come home early, we don’t have to ask our guest to take a cab, we
don’t have to pay a babysitter for their hassle.

Besides the flexibility, my children adore our current au pair. She is truly part of their lives. That is something that can be really special with an au pair. They eat dinner with them, share holidays, and go on outings. It creates a special bond that is neat.

It is definitely more work, but I do feel that in the balance, the au pair does make my life easier and less hectic. I also panicked right before my first au pair arrived and worried that I had made a huge mistake. It turned out great; I am now on my second au pair, and it is still working out.

Calif Mom October 23, 2012 at 1:51 pm

Yes yes yes! I am “complaining” a lot lately, but I am the first to tell you I am a statistical outlier! Please do not panic, and do not read about all the problem areas. Focus on the posts that are about setting the right tone, and please learn from our “seasoned” host mistakes.

I have often said and still believe that if this blog had been around for me to read before I had an au pair, many of my stories would never have happened. It’s a wonderful resource. Ask us questions, seek comfort and reassurance here, and try not to make yourself crazy.
Spend the last few days with your twins writing down what you are doing during the days so you have a ready-made schedule you can hand off. That will be a huge help.

Even with older, eye rolling kids, the basic tool of hosting an au pair is a good solid weekly schedule. Our counselor even advises us to tell au pairs exactly when –during their 5 days with 5 hours off work per day — laundry should be done, etc. Overthink these things now, and you will feel more confident when the au pair arrives.

I hope my posts of woe do not poison the well for you… you will note that I am not hiring a nanny now. I haven’t given up on the program. Because when it works well it is amazing and so comfortable. My girls are looking forward to traveling to Sweden to see “their” Kajsa one day. That doesn’t happen with after-care or even many nannies. We have had every kind of childcare arrangement you can imagine, and this offers tremendous flexibility. You need that even more as the kids get older, believe it or not.

Big hugs! You will do great! Just don’t try to please her first — make sure Mama gets what Mama needs and add perks later after they are earned so they are awards and rewards, not entitlements.

Should be working October 23, 2012 at 12:55 pm

Dorsi is right–when things are going along smoothly there is less to say here, by definition. But indeed the AP should be a help. And you should consider yourself, as discussed all over the blog, a manager of your AP. That is more important than being her pal or mentor, at least for starters. Keep posting!

Calif Mom October 23, 2012 at 1:53 pm

Yes. Friendship will bloom or not… but either way you need to manage outcomes, tasks, schedules. It sounds so dry and horrible, but it’s really true. The foundational things need to happen as framework for the lovely wonderful stuff to grow and bloom on.

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