Comments on: 3 Questions an Au Pair should ask YOU to make a good match http://AuPairMom.com/3-questions-an-au-pair-should-ask-you-to-make-a-good-match/2009/10/22/celiaharquail/ Helping Host Parents and Au Pairs build great relationships. Thu, 09 Feb 2012 08:40:11 +0000 hourly 1 http://wordpress.org/?v=3.3.1 By: HRHM http://AuPairMom.com/3-questions-an-au-pair-should-ask-you-to-make-a-good-match/2009/10/22/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-21598 HRHM Thu, 02 Feb 2012 08:19:29 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/3-questions-an-au-pair-should-ask-you-to-make-a-good-match/2009/10/21/celiaharquail/#comment-21598 My view is different than TACLs. If you KNOW that you really want to go somewhere at a specific time, and not being able to do so is going to make you miserable (ie a family wedding, visiting a newborn nephew, reunion) then knowing upfront about it will enable a potential host family to tell you more accurate information. For example, my kids are off school for the 2 weeks surrounding Christmas, but DH and I still have to work except for 3 of those days. So, if my potential AP were to mention that she was hoping to see her sister during that time period, I would be able to tell her that with our family that wouldn't be possible. Then she could either decide that we weren't for her, or decide to move the trip to a time that would work for us all. But if it is a deal-killer, I'd rather hear about it up front than waste a week or so interviewing and THEN have it become an issue. My view is different than TACLs. If you KNOW that you really want to go somewhere at a specific time, and not being able to do so is going to make you miserable (ie a family wedding, visiting a newborn nephew, reunion) then knowing upfront about it will enable a potential host family to tell you more accurate information. For example, my kids are off school for the 2 weeks surrounding Christmas, but DH and I still have to work except for 3 of those days. So, if my potential AP were to mention that she was hoping to see her sister during that time period, I would be able to tell her that with our family that wouldn’t be possible. Then she could either decide that we weren’t for her, or decide to move the trip to a time that would work for us all. But if it is a deal-killer, I’d rather hear about it up front than waste a week or so interviewing and THEN have it become an issue.

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]]> By: Taking a Computer Lunch http://AuPairMom.com/3-questions-an-au-pair-should-ask-you-to-make-a-good-match/2009/10/22/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-21595 Taking a Computer Lunch Wed, 01 Feb 2012 21:32:48 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/3-questions-an-au-pair-should-ask-you-to-make-a-good-match/2009/10/21/celiaharquail/#comment-21595 I would wait until I have a match. It's okay to mention the sister in Norway, but don't make visiting her over Christmas a condition of the match. I would wait until I have a match. It’s okay to mention the sister in Norway, but don’t make visiting her over Christmas a condition of the match.

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]]> By: USA Au Pair http://AuPairMom.com/3-questions-an-au-pair-should-ask-you-to-make-a-good-match/2009/10/22/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-21594 USA Au Pair Wed, 01 Feb 2012 21:10:01 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/3-questions-an-au-pair-should-ask-you-to-make-a-good-match/2009/10/21/celiaharquail/#comment-21594 These tips, pointers, and questions have been incredibly helpful! I have never been an au pair before and have my first interview with a potential host family in France next Tuesday. I've written down my questions like suggested and am feeling confident! I do have one question for anyone willing to answer. How soon is it okay to ask about vacation time? I am hoping to visit my sister in Norway over Christmas. These tips, pointers, and questions have been incredibly helpful! I have never been an au pair before and have my first interview with a potential host family in France next Tuesday. I’ve written down my questions like suggested and am feeling confident! I do have one question for anyone willing to answer. How soon is it okay to ask about vacation time? I am hoping to visit my sister in Norway over Christmas.

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]]> By: NoVA Host Mom http://AuPairMom.com/3-questions-an-au-pair-should-ask-you-to-make-a-good-match/2009/10/22/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-21550 NoVA Host Mom Mon, 30 Jan 2012 08:35:43 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/3-questions-an-au-pair-should-ask-you-to-make-a-good-match/2009/10/21/celiaharquail/#comment-21550 That's the best way to handle it. If she is not going to ask the questions or speak up for herself (that is what this process includes, after all), then ask them of her. Fire away and maybe the lack of hesitancy by you to ask will prompt her to come up with some of her own. Let her know nothing is off limits. Good luck. That’s the best way to handle it. If she is not going to ask the questions or speak up for herself (that is what this process includes, after all), then ask them of her. Fire away and maybe the lack of hesitancy by you to ask will prompt her to come up with some of her own. Let her know nothing is off limits. Good luck.

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]]> By: NewHM http://AuPairMom.com/3-questions-an-au-pair-should-ask-you-to-make-a-good-match/2009/10/22/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-21537 NewHM Sun, 29 Jan 2012 13:45:24 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/3-questions-an-au-pair-should-ask-you-to-make-a-good-match/2009/10/21/celiaharquail/#comment-21537 She is still in her country. I did ask her if she spoke to other families (still haven't heard back) but according to agency I have exclusive view of her profile now. I am prepared to ask all the questions that people ever posted on this blog. If it scares her off so be it but I am not making the same mistake twice. ;-) She is still in her country. I did ask her if she spoke to other families (still haven’t heard back) but according to agency I have exclusive view of her profile now.
I am prepared to ask all the questions that people ever posted on this blog. If it scares her off so be it but I am not making the same mistake twice. ;-)

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]]> By: Should be working http://AuPairMom.com/3-questions-an-au-pair-should-ask-you-to-make-a-good-match/2009/10/22/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-21532 Should be working Sun, 29 Jan 2012 06:19:54 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/3-questions-an-au-pair-should-ask-you-to-make-a-good-match/2009/10/21/celiaharquail/#comment-21532 Is the new one also coming from rematch? If yes, she is under pressure to find a new family fast. This does not, however, make her a good match. You need to talk to the previous family, the LCC, and find out what went wrong in the previous situation. I get the impression, however, that this is a candidate who is still out of country. In that case, has she ever interviewed with another family? If you are in the first round of contact you can make clear to her that this is all introductory, get-to-know-you stuff. Asking open-ended questions ("tell me about your family..."; "what do you imagine will be the best and the hardest parts about being an au pair...") to get things started. In either case, READ this blog, there is one post about 'the one question every host family should ask' and another about interviewing APs who are in rematch. Is the new one also coming from rematch? If yes, she is under pressure to find a new family fast. This does not, however, make her a good match. You need to talk to the previous family, the LCC, and find out what went wrong in the previous situation.

I get the impression, however, that this is a candidate who is still out of country. In that case, has she ever interviewed with another family? If you are in the first round of contact you can make clear to her that this is all introductory, get-to-know-you stuff. Asking open-ended questions (“tell me about your family…”; “what do you imagine will be the best and the hardest parts about being an au pair…”) to get things started.

In either case, READ this blog, there is one post about ‘the one question every host family should ask’ and another about interviewing APs who are in rematch.

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]]> By: NewHM http://AuPairMom.com/3-questions-an-au-pair-should-ask-you-to-make-a-good-match/2009/10/22/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-21522 NewHM Sat, 28 Jan 2012 20:54:17 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/3-questions-an-au-pair-should-ask-you-to-make-a-good-match/2009/10/21/celiaharquail/#comment-21522 We are in the process of finding new au pair after terrible rematch. The girl we are in contact right now has absolutely no questions. She said she read our letter (only 1 page long) and she 'accepts'. She seems very nice from her profile, is a nursing student, works 3 days a week at the L&D unit with newborns. What do we do? We wanted to have her ask questions before we bombarded her with ours. Do you think she will start asking once we open the conversation with some questions? Our last (and first) au pair was such a princess and I did miss the red flags (asking about the car before asking about kids). I don't want another princess in my house. We are in the process of finding new au pair after terrible rematch. The girl we are in contact right now has absolutely no questions. She said she read our letter (only 1 page long) and she ‘accepts’. She seems very nice from her profile, is a nursing student, works 3 days a week at the L&D unit with newborns. What do we do? We wanted to have her ask questions before we bombarded her with ours. Do you think she will start asking once we open the conversation with some questions? Our last (and first) au pair was such a princess and I did miss the red flags (asking about the car before asking about kids). I don’t want another princess in my house.

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]]> By: German Au-Pair http://AuPairMom.com/3-questions-an-au-pair-should-ask-you-to-make-a-good-match/2009/10/22/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-19821 German Au-Pair Sat, 24 Sep 2011 03:02:42 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/3-questions-an-au-pair-should-ask-you-to-make-a-good-match/2009/10/21/celiaharquail/#comment-19821 The families couldn't even contact you without experiences because you need to have at least 200 hours of experience and you will need a reference for that. And if you forge those reference that is NOT a white lie, it's not even a normal lie, it's just fraud! The families couldn’t even contact you without experiences because you need to have at least 200 hours of experience and you will need a reference for that.
And if you forge those reference that is NOT a white lie, it’s not even a normal lie, it’s just fraud!

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]]> By: HM Pippa http://AuPairMom.com/3-questions-an-au-pair-should-ask-you-to-make-a-good-match/2009/10/22/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-19820 HM Pippa Fri, 23 Sep 2011 19:50:24 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/3-questions-an-au-pair-should-ask-you-to-make-a-good-match/2009/10/21/celiaharquail/#comment-19820 Sylver, Just because you "like children" doesn't mean you are ready to be an au pair. Being an au pair requires more than just liking children and being caring and patient--it requires <i>real, practical skills</i>(i.e.: how to change a diaper/calm a screaming child/persuade a child to eat vegetables/teach a child to use the toilet) that only come with experience and spending time <i>with children</i>. Learn those skills first where you will have professional adult support and not so much responsibility--like a childcare center, community center, kids club, or babysitting. It is a very serious and challenging responsibility to care for children 30-45 hours per week, and it might not be a good match for you, but you can't know that until you try. It would be very bad if you moved in with a family and <i>only then</i> discovered that it's not the job for you. Sylver, Just because you “like children” doesn’t mean you are ready to be an au pair. Being an au pair requires more than just liking children and being caring and patient–it requires real, practical skills(i.e.: how to change a diaper/calm a screaming child/persuade a child to eat vegetables/teach a child to use the toilet) that only come with experience and spending time with children. Learn those skills first where you will have professional adult support and not so much responsibility–like a childcare center, community center, kids club, or babysitting. It is a very serious and challenging responsibility to care for children 30-45 hours per week, and it might not be a good match for you, but you can’t know that until you try. It would be very bad if you moved in with a family and only then discovered that it’s not the job for you.

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]]> By: Returning HM http://AuPairMom.com/3-questions-an-au-pair-should-ask-you-to-make-a-good-match/2009/10/22/celiaharquail/comment-page-1/#comment-19818 Returning HM Fri, 23 Sep 2011 15:47:19 +0000 http://AuPairMom.com/3-questions-an-au-pair-should-ask-you-to-make-a-good-match/2009/10/21/celiaharquail/#comment-19818 Our first au pair (back in 2005) came to us with a fabulous profile: infant qualified, with thousands of hours of childcare. Turned out that she had made up most of the hours and the few hours she actually did have were when children had been asleep. She found herself home for 45 hours per week with a developmentally delayed 1 yr old who was more like a 3-6 month old, plus a 3 year old home at noon every day. She had to be taught how to change a diaper, how to feed with a bottle, how to interact with little ones. It was very frustrating and demoralizing for her, and very frustrating and upsetting for us. When she allowed the baby to fall off a bed and didn't tell me (the then 3yr old did) even though he had thrown up from a concussion, we went into rematch. Unbelievably, she found her dream AP job driving a 13 and 15 yr old to their after school activities (she was a good driver, and the new HF did not care about the lies or other stuff that had made her so terrible for us), so it all worked out for her, but my guess is that it wouldn't work out for most. And it took me 6 months to screw up my courage to hire another AP, and this time I actually asked indepth questions about the childcare experience rather than trusting that the AP was being truthful and that the agency had done proper screening. Host families can give feedback about prospective APs when they evaluate their applications, and if I were to find through my questioning that an AP had exaggerated her childcare experience, you had better believe I would report that to the agency rather than let another unsuspecting HF go through what we went through that first year. Please don't lie. Get the experience you need to be a good AP and then apply to the program. Our first au pair (back in 2005) came to us with a fabulous profile: infant qualified, with thousands of hours of childcare. Turned out that she had made up most of the hours and the few hours she actually did have were when children had been asleep. She found herself home for 45 hours per week with a developmentally delayed 1 yr old who was more like a 3-6 month old, plus a 3 year old home at noon every day. She had to be taught how to change a diaper, how to feed with a bottle, how to interact with little ones. It was very frustrating and demoralizing for her, and very frustrating and upsetting for us. When she allowed the baby to fall off a bed and didn’t tell me (the then 3yr old did) even though he had thrown up from a concussion, we went into rematch. Unbelievably, she found her dream AP job driving a 13 and 15 yr old to their after school activities (she was a good driver, and the new HF did not care about the lies or other stuff that had made her so terrible for us), so it all worked out for her, but my guess is that it wouldn’t work out for most. And it took me 6 months to screw up my courage to hire another AP, and this time I actually asked indepth questions about the childcare experience rather than trusting that the AP was being truthful and that the agency had done proper screening. Host families can give feedback about prospective APs when they evaluate their applications, and if I were to find through my questioning that an AP had exaggerated her childcare experience, you had better believe I would report that to the agency rather than let another unsuspecting HF go through what we went through that first year.

Please don’t lie. Get the experience you need to be a good AP and then apply to the program.

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