June 2011

How Much Can an Au Pair Improve Sibling Dynamics?

by cv harquail June 28, 2011
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Each host family is its own self-reinforcing social system. Families have their own logic, their own climate, their own emotional rules, values, priorities, and patterns of behavior. Although the new person in the family/home means that everyone adjusts, au pairs adjust more to the family than the family adjusts to the au pair. Family systems […]

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Unbearable Fighting Between Siblings: Fair cause for rematch? (Bettina)

by cv harquail June 28, 2011
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Here’s Bettina’s story about her host kids… click back to the original post to discuss whether, if, and how an au pair can make a positive difference in host family dynamics. I’m an au pair in the US for 2 weeks now, and I really like it here. When I arrived, I immediately felt comfortable […]

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Take Advantage of Your Summer Re-Sets: Revise expectations

by cv harquail June 27, 2011
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Every year, I know it’s coming, but I’m never ready when it arrives… I’m not talking about Christmas (though, I could be). I’m talking about summer recess. Vacation for your school kids, and a new routine for everyone Last Weds. was my kids’ first day of summer recess, and already I’m going crazy. All those […]

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The Au Pair Guide Tumblr: Advice for Au Pairs

by cv harquail June 24, 2011
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A soon-to-be au pair emailed me last month to let me know she’s started a Tumblr (a simplified blog) to offer advice to au pairs. The blog, The Au Pair Guide, will cover questions and answers, au pair to au pair. She’ll also be sharing from her own experience as she leaves the USA to […]

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Helping our au pairs in the grey space between what we say we’ll do and what we get done

by cv harquail June 23, 2011
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It will come as no surprise to most au pairs that most of us host parents have high expectations for ourselves that we often can’t meet. We want to be good drivers, calm parents, regular exercisers, and people who pick up after ourselves. And we are– just not all the time (not most of us, […]

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What if you Au Pair thinks your child might need professional help?

by cv harquail June 17, 2011
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Our au pairs get an up-close and personal view of our families. Sometimes they see things we don’t see, maybe even things we don’t want to see for ourselves. Because au pairs interact with our children when we parents are often not around, and they spend longs days with our kids, they may notice things […]

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When your Au Pair meets the Kids’ Needs but not the Parent’s Expectations: Ideas wanted

by cv harquail June 14, 2011
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Kids and parents want different things. Kids want to stay up, parents want to go to sleep. Kids want to make a mess, parents want that mess cleaned up (eventually). Kids get engaged in fun and learning, while parents must take care of safety, nutrition, and other not-quite-as-fun stuff. We have different sets of priorities. […]

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Au Pair Asks: Is it okay to call it quits?

by cv harquail June 12, 2011
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Dear Au Pair Mom, Hi, I emailed once before about an angry 11 year old and was wondering if I could bother you once more for some advice. I’ve now been here 5 and 1/2 months and I really feel like rematch is the only option now. I realise this is incredibly inconvenient for my […]

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Au Pairs and Online Romances: Your role as a Host Parent

by cv harquail June 10, 2011
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As host parents we feel responsible for keeping our au pairs safe, since they are under our roofs and with our families. However, we recognize that what they do on their own time is (largely) their own business. Au pairs deserve social autonomy, privacy, and the chance to experiment with new things and new relationships. […]

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Does your Au Pair attend kids’ school celebrations?

by cv harquail June 8, 2011

I got this question, from OBMom, just after I sent my DH yet another email with the details of daughter #2’s school dance performance and implored him (okay, nagged him) once again to make sure he gets there on time . We are overwhelmed by end-of-school events. June is the née September, I’ll say, and […]

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